Save the Soldiers: Chapter 3

I made a huge effort the next day. We decided in the end that I would go to her house, as both of us were short on money and couldn’t really afford a big night out, but she told me she was a chef and could rustle something up no problem. I put on the new jeans my mum had bought me and my one nice shirt. I spent the afternoon washing my hair three times until it was shiny and soft and flopped on my forehead nicely. I wasn’t sure what else to do. I picked up a cheap bottle of wine and made my way to her house, ending up being ten minutes early and waiting in the car around the corner. Then I decided I didn’t want to seem too desperate for company by being bang on time and waited another ten minutes, twiddling my thumbs. By the time I knocked on her door, I was a nervous wreck. It was the first proper evening in I had had in a long time. And more worryingly, the first one with a woman since high school.

Once again, Leanne struck me with her utter beauty. She seemed as though she had also made an effort, her hair tumbling to her shoulders in curls, and a yellow dress with birds on it made her look incredible. She was bare foot, and her toes curled around the carpet as she smiled at me.

“Hey there. Good to see you up and well. Come in, dinner will be ready soon.”
I smiled awkwardly and stepped inside, heading through to a room where she was gesturing. Then, remembering the wine in my hands, and retraced my footsteps and presented it to her.
“Thank you! What a nice thought. Can I get you a glass?”
“That would be good, thanks,” I said with a nervous smile.
“Alright then. Put what you want on the TV, I like anything.”

I went into the room and perched on the edge of the couch. It wasn’t a particularly fancy room, but it was homely. There was a proper coal fire which was burning, and on the mantelpiece there was pictures of Leanne, some with people I assumed to be her family, others of her with friends. Beside the small television was a fat black and white cat, lying lazily and purring to itself. I smiled and went to stroke it and it relaxed under my touch.

“Do you like her?” Leanne asked, handing me a glass of wine.
“She’s beautiful,” I exclaimed, forgetting to be nervous, “What’s her name?”
“Hobbit.”
“Hobbit? Nice. She’s obviously well loved. And well fed,” I chuckled, gesturing to her bulging stomach.
“She’s pregnant, silly!”
“Oh,” I laughed, feeling a little embarrassed.
“Well, you’re definitely not a vet. What is it that you do?” she asked, sinking into the couch and putting her feet up. She obviously wasn’t self-conscious about being around me. I swirled my fingers through Hobbit’s soft fur, wondering how to explain my job situation to her.

“I’ve just left the army.”
“Oh?”
I sighed, closing my eyes.
“I don’t really like to talk about it. Maybe later, if that’s alright…”
“Sure. When we’re a bit drunk?” Leanne laughed. I grinned back.
“Yeah.”
I stood up and noticed a bookshelf. I’m not much of a reader, but I like to know what people read. When I saw the titles, I wrinkled my nose.
“Great Expectations? Heidi? Pride and Prejudice? Eghh.”
“Don’t you like classics?”
“I don’t read much. And when I do, I like something that’s easy, and has a bit of everything. Well. I did. Now I only like things with a happy ending.”
“Unfortunately, I don’t think there are any books that have a completely happy ending. Feel free to borrow any of them, though. I suggest Heidi. And it’s not that hard to read really.”
“I’ll believe that when I give it a go,” I smiled, carefully taking the book out of the shelf and turning it over in my hands. “So…what’s for dinner?”
Leanne laughed “I was wondering when you would ask that. That’s all men think of. Lasagne. Come on, I think it’s ready.”

The table was set neatly, if simply, and the smell of the lasagne was wonderful. Leanne rushed around the kitchen, dishing large helpings on to both plates with salad. She ushered me to sit down and I chatted to her as she prepared the food. When she finally sat down she spoke of her family with animated features, laughing occasionally as she recalled happy times. She told me of her twin sisters, both still eleven, who spoke in time and mimicked each other. Of her mother, forty going on fourteen, who still dolls herself up and hits the clubs. Her father, completely opposite to her mother, who is studious and likes to read a lot, and in his spare time creates miniature sculptures of fantasy creatures. She showed me an example, a figure of an angel, it’s hands covering it’s face and it’s wings outstretched. She allowed me to hold it, and I studied it very closely. It was astonishingly good, but Leanne insisted he was an amateur. The attention to detail was amazing, each crease of it’s dress perfect, and the fingernails on the hands in uniform shape.

“I would love to see more of these,” I said as I finished my lasagne.
“I’ll take you to see my father one day. He’d be happy to show you his collection, though he’s very shy about it. I think you would get on, though, you’re very mature compared to most men. I’m presuming you get that off your parents?”
I shrugged, not wanting to explain my family. It’s a subject I always avoided. My family aren’t like most. Leanne must have realised this, as she put her fork down and cocked her head sideways in confused amusement.

“Don’t tell me. Embarrassing parents?”
I smiled weakly “Something like that.”
I felt her watching me, and knew she wanted to know more. I sighed, and traced my finger along the curves of the angel’s wings.

“My dad…he died when I was eleven. Heart failure. My mum has never been quite right, not since then. When I was twelve she tried to kill herself. And she almost succeeded. She spent months on antidepressant pills, and I was sent to live with my grandmother for a while. It was better for me there. I love my grandma, and she took care of me properly. But when my ma was finally discharged from hospital, my grandma sent me home to her. Said it was for the best. She didn’t know how bad it was at home for me. I had to look after my mum, I had no time to hang out with friends…so I didn’t have many. I couldn’t date girls, I couldn’t bring them home and let them see the state my mum was. At sixteen, I began to train for all the sports I could. I was sick of sitting at home and waiting for my mum to fall apart again. It was an escape for me. I did running, athletics, football, you name it. I began to get better. Then I realised to completely escape, the army was a good option…I left her when she needed me most.” I stopped. Leanne’s face was a picture of horror. I picked up my wine and gulped it all down quickly, my lips staining red. I wiped my mouth frantically.

“Excuse me…can I use your bathroom?”
“Of…of course,” Leanne said quickly, too quickly. She practically ran to show me the door to the bathroom and I slammed the door behind me. I felt dizzy and the room span. I clutched the side of the bath and sat on it, trying to catch my breath. What a mess I thought. I slapped my forehead. Stupid, stupid, stupid. There is a reason I don’t tell people about my past. I ran the cold tap and splashed my face. In the mirror, a pale white sheet of a face stared back, eyes red and lines creasing the forehead. I looked like I was in my forties, not my twenties. I looked like my mother.

I sat in there for a few minutes, wondering what Leanne thought of me. I shouldn’t have said anything to her. The first friend I had made in such a long time…and I’d scared her off. But I knew I’d have to face her one day. Slowly, I turned the door handle and pushed open the door. I was surprised to see Leanne sat on the floor, knees pulled to her chest and her chin resting on them. She looked distressed. I panicked.

“I’m sorry, Leanne. I shouldn’t have-”
“No, no.” she said standing up abruptly “I reacted the wrong way.” There was a small silence, before Leanne stepped forward and closed her arms around me. It was awkward, as my arms stood stiffly at my side, but her body was warm, and it felt good to have human contact. I wondered how long it was since someone had hugged me. Too long. Far too long. I buried my face in her soft red hair and let the tears flow.