Dark Heart

To devote yourself to one person for thirty years to give your heart
your soul your love. To share your thoughts your secrets your dreams.
To make a home a family and memories together. Then one day you hear
the words "I don't love you anymore". This alone is devastating world
shattering a painful end to all you hold dear. What then to have the
words "I never did really love you" added to it? What does that mean?
What does that leave? The sudden impact of knowing that your whole life
has been a lie. There never was any shared dreams shared secrets shared
emotions. No home no family no warmth no love no memories nothing. Your
whole life is left cold dark barren. You are left only with the
knowledge that nobody has ever felt love for you ever wanted you needed
you yearned for you hurt for you missed you. Nobody has looked forward
to seeing you again holding you again kissing you again. There are no
words to explain this feeling this pain this emptiness. A dark day rain
falling slowly. Achill that penetrates and causes a deep shiver.
Stillness quiet surrounds me. Alone. Alone in my mind in my thoughts in
my soul. My heart beats but I can't feel it. I feel only pain empty
pain in my chest in my soul. The yearning for a touch for tenderness
affection for love. How does one face each day knowing that these
simple things these everyday emotions will never belong to this heart?
This heart that has always felt these emotions that gave these emotions
will never receive these emotions. How does one exist knowing that
nobody has ever felt for or given to oneself these feelings? What makes
this heart this soul this person so dark that one would find it
impossible to feel to touch to hold to want to love this person? The
future is a frightening thought. As dark and cold as this rainy day. Is
there any brightness ahead? Will the sun shine? Will there be any
warmth? Any happiness? Will the time come that somebody will feel
tenderness and affection for this heart? Will the words "I love you" be
spoken and felt and given? Only time will tell. The real and most
important question is: Will it happen in time? In time to save this
heart this soul this person from total darkness? Before this heart
breaks completely and is unable to ever feel anything again.