Brown paper

He wiped the mixture of sweat and rain from his brow , tired he sat
on the bed uneasily waiting for her to speak. She fussed around the
desk nervously shuffling papers away and reached for a pack of
cigarettes.Having just spent the previous three hours searching for her
he was keen for an explaination. He'd trawled around the college asking
at various points if anyone had seen her, growing more irritated by the
moment . He'd given up trying her phone , he knew she had switched it
off. She seemed unsympathetic - although she had given him a towel
(already damp) and offered him a cigarette he was becoming impatient.
She asked him if he wanted a drink for the third time and although he
wanted one he refused. He sat edgily on the bed and looked up at her
face. She couldn't look at him and continued to play with the pack of
cigarettes. Finally he spoke :

"Where were you?"

"I skipped college and went into town"

"Your car was still there , I left a note on the windscreen"

"I walked, besides how was I supposed to know you would be looking for
me?"

"I've been trying to call you all week , what happened?"

"I haven't been in much , one or two things turned up and ..."

"Such as ?"

"Nothing really , just things"

She was still turning the pack of cigarettes over and over in her hand
but dropped them .She didn't bend down to pick them up. She just
watched them fall then stared at them as they lay there.
He was getting more impatient by the minute.

"Are you seeing someone else?"

"No"

"Well what is it then? Since New Year
everything's been wierd. What's going on?"

" I don't know"

"I don't know ? What the fuck is that? I don't know?

He could hear some voices in the corridor. Probably her friends.
Probably the ones that encourage her . He thought about opening the
door but she spoke:

"Oh I don't know what's going on. I don't know how I feel about us
anymore. I...."

"In what sense?"

"You know , us . Me and you . "

"Before you give me the ' I need some time shit ' or the ' It's not you
it's me ' line or any of that crap don't"

"You know it's not like that , I love you "

"Fuck off ! Anyone who loves someone would not ignore their telephone
calls for nearly a week then let them hang around getting pissed on all
afternoon while they went for a walk"

"Ok . What do you want me to say?"

"Just tell me what's going on and be done with it. I've had
enough"

"I'm not sure about us anymore that's all."

This was clearly going nowhere. He knew what she was trying to say. If
he were honest with himself he would just say it for both of them but
he couldn't - he loved her and thought that she loved him. Until
now.

"You know I love you and this is not what I want"

"Mm"

"After three years this is what you want - you're sure?"

"Sure ?"

"You know if you ever.."

He wasn't able to finish the sentence. There was a knock at the door.
Apparently a telephone call. She got up , picked up the cigarettes and
walked towards the door. He almost reached out to take her hand but he
could see that see was crying. She closed the door behing her. He
looked around , trying to convince himself that this would be the last
time. The voices in the hall became more distant and the sound of the
rain on the window had finally stopped.