Diamonds and Jelly Beans - A Craven Danger Mystery
The taxi careened down Fifth Avenue at break-neck speed; running red light after red light as the terrified holiday shoppers screamed and scattered for their lives.
The great detective and the fiery red-head sat calmly in the back seat, their firearms at the ready.
“Remember,” said the great detective. “Shoot first and, if your aim is true, you won’t have to ask questions later.”
The fiery red-head smiled that sweet, crooked smile of hers and blew the great detective a ruby-red kiss.
“That’s for nothin’,” she said.
“I’ll take it,” said the great detective. “Only, next time you can give it to me for real and in front of a roaring fire in our penthouse suite at the Waldorf-Astoria.”
The taxi then made a magnificent u-turn and came to a screeching halt in front of Tiffany’s, where our heros busted out of their seats with their guns a-blazing!
“Hey!” said Craven Danger. “Easy on those breaks, Sidney. You know I got a sensitive stomach.”
“Sorry, Mr. Danger,” said Sidney. “But Tiffany’s was the first stop on Betty’s list.”
“My what-I-want-for-Christmas-but-probably-ain’t-gonna-get-list,” said Betty.
“Just what are you sayin’, Betty? That I can’t afford you nothin’ from Tiffany’s?”
“Yeah. I‘m sayin‘ it. I‘m also sayin‘ it don‘t matter. It‘s only a dream a mine, Mr. Danger. I’m just as happy with all them five ’n’ dime trinkets ya been stuffin’ in my stockin’. Only this year go easy on the jelly beans.”
“Ha, ha,“ said Sidney. “Jelly beans. When my 'ol man wanted to fill out the stockings to make it look like we were getting more than we were gettin’ he’d just stuff the bottom of the stockings with crumpled newspaper. Just a thought Mr. Danger. In case you wanted to save a buck or two this Christmas.“
“And just what are you sayin’ Sidney? That I’m I’m a cheapskate? That I don’t go out of my way to get Betty the finer things?”
“I ain’t sayin’ nothin’, Mr. Danger,” said Sidney. “Only that ever since I’ve known you two the only thing I ever seen glittering in my rear-view mirror were the fillings in your teeth whenever you happen to doze off.”
“Very funny, Sidney,” said Craven.
“Don’t be so sensitive, Mr. Danger,” said Betty. “Like I been sayin’, it’s only a dream. Like sailin’ ta England on the Queen Mary.”
”Yeah? Well, keep dreamin‘, Betty. Your problem is you got stars in your eyes.”
“No. Just Tiffany’s, Mr. Danger. I got Tiffany eyes and a tin husband.”
“Oh, yeah?” said Craven. “How about we take a stroll through this Tiffany’s of yours and take a gander at some of them glittery things?”
“Ya mean it?”
“I ain’t promisin’ nothin’, Betty. But I guess it don’t hurt to look.”
“Ah, you’re the sweetest, Mr. Danger. Smooches to you.”
The great detective and the fiery red-head took aim and fired as the jewel thieves attempted their getaway from Tiffany’s.
“Nice, shootin’, doll,” said the great detective. “We got ‘em all. And will you look at all those sparkly diamonds spilled out over the sidewalk. Kind of makes you think twice about being honest. Don’t it?”
“Just a little,” said the fiery red-head. “Just a little.”