Ding! Dong! A Halloween Tale

Ding! Dong!

“Trick or treat!"

“Trick."

“What?"

“Trick. I want a trick."

“But, I don’t know any tricks."

“No tricks? No treat.”

Slam!

Ding! Dong!

“Trick or treat!”

“Trick.”

“Again? But I don’t know any tricks!”

“Sorry, no trick, no treat.”

“Oh, this is so bogus!”

Slam!

Ding! Dong!

“Trick or treat!”

“Trick.”

“You have GOT to be kidding me. Where’s the camera. Am I gonna be on You Tube? This IS a joke, right?”

Slam!

Light bulb Idea!

Ding! Dong!

“Treat!”

“What?”

“I said treat.”

“What happened to trick?”

“I’m doing it different this year.”

“You can’t just go from house to house yelling Treat! That’s a total disregard for tradition. It took generations for Trick or Treat to come to what it now represents: the grandest of all seasonal traditions. And you want to change all that by knocking on everyone’s door yelling ‘Treat!’ You may as well be yelling ‘Doorknob!’ or ‘Underpants!’ Because I have no idea why anyone would just go around yelling ‘Treat!’"

“I just want some candy, mister! If I don’t get a sugar rush soon it’s gonna start making me cranky and spoil my Halloween, which happens to be my favorite day of the year. A chocolate bar, a peanut butter cup. I’ll even take a moldy apple if that’s all your doling out! But I want something for my efforts! Do you know how long it took my mom to make this costume? Forever! That’s how long! And I’ve been going from house to house for an hour all ready and what do I have to show for all my mother’s hard work? Nothing! Nada! Zero! Zip!

“I knew we should have never moved. I never had this much trouble in my old neighborhood. At Halloween you’d go knock on someone’s door and they couldn’t wait to stuff candy after candy down our sugar coated throats! Oh! And the compliments! ‘What a great costume! You’re the scariest Dracula ever! I hope you’re not going to bite my neck!‘

“Then we move to this neighborhood and everybody wants to put me to work for a stinking piece of candy! Well I’m putting my foot down and holding my breath till I get some candy! It‘s freezing out here and if I don‘t get me a treat soon I‘m going to pee in my pants!”

“Well, you don’t have to get all huffy about it. Here.”

“What’s this?”

“It’s an egg. it comes from a chicken.”

“I know where eggs come from! Why are you giving it to me?”

“It’s your treat.”

“All I know is there better be some chocolate or a nutty surprise in this egg!”

“No. It’s just an egg. You can do many things with an egg. Scramble. Fried. Sunny-side up or sunny-side down. Hard boiled or soft boiled. You can even make egg salad or color it for Easter. You can also play egg toss.”

“Oh, I know what I can do with this egg all right!”

“Hey! That’s not how you play egg toss. That’s egg throw! Hey, kid! You get back here and clean up this mess. Look what you’ve done to my new shirt! I’m sending the cleaning bill to your parents!”

Slam!

Ding! Dong!

“Just give me the candy, lady. I ain’t got time to argue the point! And, please, can I use your bathroom?"

Slam!