Pssst!
By hudsonmoon
- 414 reads
“Pssst!”
“Yes?”
“I come leaping out of the shadows and accost you with a pssst! and all you can say is Yes?”
“You call that a leap? My grandfather leaps like that. And he only has one leg. Lost the other one on the beach at Normandy.”
“My leap was just fine.”
“I tell you my grandfather lost his leg on the beach at Normandy and all you can think about is your leaping prowess? You don’t even attempt a lame joke like, If he knows where he lost his leg then it’s not really lost, is it?”
“Hey! I may be an accoster and a little self-centered, but I’m not insensitive to the plight of a World War II veteran who had his leg blown off on D-Day.”
“Oh, no, you misunderstand. My grandfather wasn’t in the war. You see, he’s blind. And while vacationing in France last summer, he decided to visit Omaha beach in Normandy. He took off his prosthetic leg to go for a swim and when he got back his leg was gone. Then, to add insult, he got a ticket from a French policeman for frolicking in the waves and desecrating a war memorial with a Homer Simpson beach blanket.”
“Your Grandfather frolics?”
“It said so on the ticket.”
“You don’t hear about people doing that sort of thing nowadays.”
“I know. It’s because of all those electronic distractions. Doesn’t leave much time for frolicking.”
“My great uncle Frederick was a frolicker. Used to dress up in a tuxedo and tap dance his way to his job at the post office.”
“Maybe you should try frolicking instead of trying to startle people by making clumsy leaps out of blind alleys.”
“I don’t know. All the frolickers were on my mothers side. My father’s side were all accosters. And all my brother’s accost. There wasn’t much hope for me.”
“Have you ever tried?”
“When my great uncle Frederick died I inherited his tuxedo, but I was a complete failure at frolicking. Two left feet, don’t you know. On the first day I tap danced my way into some wet cement and that was it for me and the tuxedo. I then tried whistling while I worked and it got me fired. Frolicking doesn’t seem to suit me. Accosting is my thing. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Pssst.”
“You just spit on my tie. You’re a lousy accoster. And stop psssting at people. It’s very rude.”
“Sorry.”
“Now, what is it you wanted?”
“Your wallet.”
“Seriously?”
“Please.”
“Well, at least you’re polite. I suppose that counts for something.”
“I’m always polite. I could have come storming out of that dark alley and simply beat you over the head with a billy club.”
“Billy club? They still making Billy clubs?”
“Not for ages. I inherited one from my Uncle Bejamin. He was my dad’s brother. I learned much about accosting from him. But I never had the heart to use it.”
“Pssst!”
“Who said that?”
“It wasn’t me.”
“I know it wasn’t you. It sounded like it came from a genuine accoster. I’m genuinely frightened now. With you I was only mildly annoyed.”
“Will the two of you just shut it! I want you to drop you’re wallets and keep walking till you count to a hundred!”
“I can’t see you? Where are you?”
“You can’t see me because I know a thing or two about proper accosting. You? You’re an embarrassment. You leap out of alley ways with no Billy club and accost people with annoying anecdotes about uncles. Now drop the wallets and walk.”
“Can we skip while we’re counting? My friend here has suggested I take up frolicking.”
“You can whistle Dixie for all I care. Just drop the damn wallets and scram!”
The two men then dropped there wallets and skipped down Main Street whistling Dixie. There friendship would last a lifetime.
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Comments
Very silly, but very funny,
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Extremely funny Rich- I
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Yes I did Rich. Did you too?
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