A Walk Down the Aisle - Part 3 - A Craven Danger Mystery
The naked man on the ledge reached his hand out to Craven Danger.
“Please?” he said. “Hand over the pants. This is getting embarrassing.”
“Well,” said Craven. “Who told ya ta stand out on a ledge with no clothes on. And in the middle a January? A month, by the way, which just happens ta be the name of our first born. Only it ain’t born yet.”
“Yeah, that’s real nice,” said the man. “But the pants, please.”
Craven handed over the pants and looked down at the crowd.
“Wow,” said Craven. “Seems like the whole neighborhood’s down there. Look! There’s even a guy sellin’ bags a peanuts! What some people won’t do for a buck.”
“What some people won’t do to save on a dry cleaning bill,” said the naked man. “These pants are frozen stiff. Don’t tell me you hung them out here to dry?”
“Well,” said Craven.
“In the middle of January?” said the naked man.
“That was early this morning,” said Craven. “I was hopin’ the sun was gonna come out and give me a little heat.”
“Why you lousy cheapskate,” said the naked man. “You trying to put these poor little mom and pop stores out of business? These neighborhood stores depend on good neighbors like us to help pull them through the bad times. Next you’ll be telling me your growing your own corn in the bathtub.”
“Well,” said Craven. “It’s actually pineapple. I brought a plant home from Florida. But it ain’t doin’ too good. It’s all pine and no apple. I should a got a palm tree.”
“Enough of the chit chat,” said the naked man. “Either get me something to wear or let me in the window. I’m freezing!”
“Does that mean ya ain’t gonna jump?” said Craven. “‘Cause ya gonna disappoint an awful lot of kids down there. When the fire department gets here, they’ll wanna see ya jump in the net.”
“Well, that’s not gonna happen," said the naked man. “You see, it’s like this. I was in my girlfriend’s apartment taking a shower, when she yells through the door, ‘Quick! Out the window! My husband’s coming home!’”
“You mean ta tell me ya girlfriend went and got married behind ya back?” said Craven. “Why, the dirty no good double crosser. I wouldn’t blame ya if ya never saw her again.”
“Can we talk later?” said the naked man. “I need ta come inside. Now!”
“What’s goin’ on out there?” said Betty. “I’m gettin’ tired a watchin’ ya hangin’ out the widow in ya shorts. And now it’s freezin’ in here.”
“Sorry about that, Betty,” said Craven. “Will ya hand me my overcoat, please."
Betty handed Craven his overcoat and watched as he passed it out the window.
“Hey!” said Betty. “Where’d the coat go?”
“I’ll explain it all in a minute," said Craven.
Craven Danger stood back and watched as the naked man in the overcoat made his way through the office window.
“Jeffrey?” said Betty.
“Betty?” said the naked man.
“What?” said Craven.