I Miss You

So very much,
my heart aches to hear your voice
as
a baby bird may long
for the worm from its caretaker's
mouth,
so much
my body shakes as if in an epileptic
fit:

for months, even years,
I drown myself
with alcohol and sleep, thinking
I will wake up and see your
face,
your ears downing into the rimmed sea
of your
hairs,
nightmares so sleekly down
brilliant stars
loop about, bubble
into sparkles of dearest
diamonds:
and if our love was more than i can
bear,
your passing away into the other world
has made
me
seek someone to replace you,
GOD or some other
immortal reminder
of a terrible, condescending love you
possessed?

do you hate me from the grave, come as a
ghost
to haunt my dreams,
tear my breasts
apart,
make mad love to my thing only to find
that
you cannot touch nor feel,
but as if you were a
ghost of a fog,
you linger in the deep dark goodnight
kiss
of the one who saw you last?

I will
tell you,
my dear lover, you were not so
moral after
all,
you being so young and frail,
but if you asked
me,
we wouldn't have made such deathly love at
night,
squeezing out each orgasm as if it were the
grapes
of wrath?