Swimming with Dolphins

I'm scared. My face hurts where mummy's boyfriend slapped me really
hard. I looked in the mirror in my room and I could still see the shape
of his hand, all red and bumpy. I think he must have made me cut my
mouth cos I can taste blood and it's horrible. I wish mummy would come
home.

Its half past six now, getting dark outside and mummy still isn't home.
She's probably at the pub with that funny woman she works with. I don't
like her; she's like a witch. All black hair and long fingernails.
They're black too, and her eyes. Even in the daylight she looks nasty.
My friend Sue calls her Witch Bitch, cos she shouted at Sue once when
our ball went in her garden. That was last summer. Sue's moved away
now. Her daddy got a job somewhere, I don't know where exactly. She
said she'd write but she hasn't. I haven't got any real friends
now.

Half past seven. Where's my mum? I'm hungry and I don't want to speak
to Steve cos he gets angry and says that I make him lose his temper. I
try not to but I just do and then he hits me or starts shouting at me
and laughs when I run away from him. I try to stay in my room now when
I get home from school. It's nice in my room; no Steve, no shouting and
I love the colour of it. Me and mum painted it bright, bright yellow.
We painted it to cheer ourselves up after daddy died. I'm still not
cheered up but mummy is, about daddy anyway I think, so I don't tell
her.

My room has a really comfy bed and I snuggle up under the duvet at
night. It's warm and toasty and I light up my torch and I've got a
duvet house covered in dolphins. If I move my torch, and move my hands
up and down, they look like they're swimming and then I go to sleep
thinking I'm swimming too.

Ooh. The front door just opened. She's home. I won't go down though.
They like to say hello to each other when I'm not there so I'll wait
for her to call me.

Half past ten. I must have fallen asleep for a bit. I wonder why she
hasn't called me yet. She's been home for ages. I'm tired now and
really hungry but if I go down I'll just make Steve angry and then
he'll hit me and mum. Perhaps she has been to see me, but saw I was
asleep and didn't want to wake me up. She likes seeing me asleep cos I
look like daddy when I have my eyes closed. She told me that with a big
smile on her face that made my bright room brighter. I've got her eyes
and daddy's mouth is what she says. Big brown eyes for her teddy bear
girl. Michelle, my belle she calls me now. Daddy called me duchess and
said I should wear a crown to keep my curls in place. He bought me one
too. I wear it when I'm on my own, in my yellow room. It's pink with
real crystals and rubies on it. He bought it in the shop where the
queen gets hers from on a trip to London. It was on a trip to London
that he died. Mummy said it wasn't my fault. I had asked for a diamond
necklace to wear with my crown and daddy had said he'd get me one from
the Queen's shop, but he didn't. But I know that if I hadn't asked for
the necklace daddy wouldn't have gone, and his car wouldn't have been
hit by the other car, and he wouldn't have crashed. I know it's my
fault.

Mum is shouting again. It sounds like she's crying and now I'm scared
all over again. She doesn't think that I know he hits her but I do.
They sent me home early from school once cos I was sick and when I got
to the front door I could hear crying. Steve was really angry and I
could hear mummy shouting. I ran around the back of the house and
sneaked a look through the kitchen window. Mummy was leaning on the
kitchen table with her hands on her face and then I knew. I wanted to
help but I couldn't. Steve knocks me over when he slaps me and
sometimes it's hard to get up again. I wanted daddy to come and help
but he couldn't cos he wasn't there. I tried to move away from the
window really quietly but I kicked the bucket that was there and it
made an awful noise. I ran so fast, through the village, into the woods
and sat there and waited. I must have fallen asleep cos when I opened
my eyes mummy was sat next to me and Steve was stood behind her. He
looked angry.

"Where have you been sweetheart?" She has a voice that's all safe and
lovely. I'm sorry mum, I said, I just went for a walk and fell asleep.
She believed me but Steve hit me when we got home for upsetting mummy.
I went to my room and stayed there. Mummy comes in now and then to see
that I'm ok and brings me my dinner. She tells me sometimes that she
wished she were with me in the yellow room with the dolphins.

Well, I'm really, really hungry now. If I'm very quiet and they've got
the telly on I can sneak down the stairs like I used to when me and dad
played hide and seek. Sometimes when it's all dark and the house is
quiet and mum and Steve are asleep, daddy comes to see me. I know he
can't help me but it's nice that he comes. We play swimming and he
reads with me. He teaches me new words in the books and we draw
pictures of fishes with the torch on. I'm not allowed to tell mummy or
Steve that he comes to visit. Daddy says they'll take me to the doctors
and they'll just give me "nasty little pills" to make me stop seeing
him. I don't want to stop seeing him. He did say though, that one day
he will go away and I won't see him anymore but I'll be ready then and
it won't matter so much anymore. It does hurt when he goes and I don't
think it'll ever not matter, ever.

I've got the bedroom door open and the light is on downstairs. I can
hear the telly but I can't hear mummy. Steve is snoring. He snores like
a thunderstorm. Me and mummy laugh about it sometimes when he's not
there. It's our special time when it's just me and her in the house.
Because it's so quiet when he's not there we do quiet things. We read
and draw pictures and cook. It's my favourite time.

I'm halfway down the stairs now and they haven't seen me yet. I peek
through the banisters and can see Steve asleep in the chair under the
window. There's some empty cans and a big glass bottle by his feet.
There's a glass too with some water or something in it on the little
table. He snores like a train and I hate it. Daddy didn't snore.

I'm almost at the kitchen. I had to sneak past Steve, all quiet like a
mouse. I feel a bit sick and my heart is going boom, boom, boom, boom,
really fast. The kitchen door is open and all I have to do now is get
in and close it behind me so he doesn't hear the fridge door opening.
There might still be some chicken in there from yesterday and that's
always nice when it's cold.

Mummy must be in there making me sandwiches or something. I'm creeping
into the kitchen. I have to be quiet though cos if I surprise her then
she might make a noise and Steve will wake up and then I'll be in
trouble.

Mummy's lying on the floor and she won't move. There's a lot of blood
on the floor as well. I know it's blood cos I tasted it and it's just
like what was in my mouth when Steve hit me this afternoon. Her eyes
are open but she's not looking at me. I don't want to wake up Steve and
tell him. I'll go and get the Witch Bitch. She's mummy's friend, she'll
help.

The back door isn't locked and I'm running to her house, it's only down
the road. Now I'm banging on her door. The light has gone on and there
she is, all spiky, scary, black hair and those horrible fingernails.
She screams when she sees me and asks where all the blood has come
from. I look at my clothes. I forgot I was still wearing my school
uniform and it's really dirty now. I tell her it's from mummy and she's
on the kitchen floor and she won't wake up. She lifts me up and carries
me into the house. Then she goes to the telephone. I wish she'd hurry
up cos we've got to go and wake up mummy. If Steve sees the mess in the
kitchen he'll hit her again.

I want to go back to the house and I want to see mummy. She should have
woken up. I keep thinking she might be dead like daddy is but she can't
be cos she promised she'd never leave me. Witch Bitch is being nice and
everything but I need to go and see mummy. Now. I can hear noises
outside in the street and I think it's Steve shouting. He must have
seen the mess and started hitting mum again. I try to run out the door
but Witch Bitch grabs me and won't let me go and I can see flashing
lights and loud noises like alarm bells and I'm kicking and hitting her
but she just holds me tighter and tighter. I can't see her face cos I'm
crying now. This is new scared, not like the scared I get when Steve is
there and he's angry. This is horrible scared and I feel sick and I'm
too tired to fight her now and I can't stop cying. She's whispering
something in my ear and I can't hear her cos my crying makes it hard to
breathe and then there's someone walking in the door.

A lady policeman has just taken me from Witch Bitch and now she is
taking me to her car. I want to know what is happening at my house cos
there's more police cars and an ambulance and lots of people but she
won't tell me. Witch Bitch comes with us and I think that's a bad name
now cos she's not that scary really. She sat with me on her big squishy
sofa and put her arms around me and rocked me. It was nice. She was
stroking my hair and I was almost asleep when the police lady came.
Witch Bitch, naughty name, says they're going to take me to the
hospital, just to check that I'm ok but I know I am, it's mummy who
won't wake up.

I'm in a big room, lying on an uncomfy bed and there's a nurse smiling
at me and Witch Bitch looking upset. I can hear what they're saying,
just, but I'm tired and I want to go to sleep now...

"There's a lot of old bruises on her lower body. She's been slapped
around quite a bit over the past few months or year I would say. From
the x-rays we've been able to determine that her right thigh has a
hairline fracture. Perhaps she was kicked."

"Dear god," said Witch Bitch, "if only I'd known, Mary never said
anything. I mean, she was quiet after Peter died, but I just thought it
was because she missed him. I never knew. My god, the poor
child."

Peter, daddy, Peter, daddy. Would he come and play dolphins
tonight?

I'm staying with Witch Bitch for a while the police lady looks for
mummy's mummy. I only met her once when I was a baby. Witch Bitch, I
call her Heather now because that's her name and she said I could, said
that they'd had fallen out a long time ago but she really wanted to see
me. Heather said as well that Steve is going away forever and I'll
never see him again and that has made me feel better cos I'm missing
mummy now and it hurts a lot.

I'd quite like to stay here. It's warm and safe and quiet and Heather
has painted my room bright, bright, yellow and made sure I got my duvet
from my old house. It's much nicer here than home and at night when
it's all quiet and the house is dark, daddy and mummy come and play
with me and we all go swimming with the dolphins.