Not the best start in life

Not the best start in life.
The Birth.
Rena Mcintyre lay on the hospital bed sweating she was dreading what was to come. It wasn’t the fact that she was going to have another man’s baby, though lord knows that was bad enough.
What really worried her was the reaction of her sisters, well one sister really,
Tilly Wilson was a dragon, a real fire breathing human dragon, no one ever stood up to her, she always got her own way.
The year was nineteen forty three, two years away from the end of the war.
Rena had gotten herself pregnant through an affair with a man from the next town.
Her husband John was away fighting in Africa and loneliness and boredom had got the better of her.
Her other sister Sandy, (Sandra) was first in the room. Sandy was a kindly person, totally unlike their sister Tilly. Sandy supported Rena through all her pregnancy giving her a shoulder to cry on when needed.
Till came in breathing fire as usual. All through the pregnancy Tilly had harangued and hassled Rena, at one point even suggesting an abortion. Rena’s conscience would never have allowed that course of action. The baby had been her fault, why should she murder it “There is no way you are keeping this baby Rena, what would the neighbours say, what will your husband say, no not a chance, you’re going to have to give him up.
Rena hadn’t wanted Tilly at the birth, but as usual Tilly took no notice of anyone and invited herself along.
Such was my entrance into the world in a hospital in Limavady in Northern Ireland.
After I was born a woman who I found out much later, wanted to adopt me, but as usual Tilly got her way so I was bundled off to a foster home somewhere in Northern Ireland.
Obviously I don’t remember the first years but I can remember a lot of what went on. I do know we lived in quite a large house with an orchard around the back. The orchard had pear trees, apple trees, blackberry bushes, and a host of other fruit trees.
I do know it was in the countryside, lots and lots of green fields. There was another boy there, Tommy He and I would play every day in the fields and on the whole I had a very happy time.
There was a steep road leading up to a cottage about half a mile away.
In this cottage lived the most interesting old man I have ever known. You know how it is when you are young you think everyone over forty is as old as Methuselah, the biblical character. Maybe he wasn’t as old as I think but he did have quite a long beard.
This man would keep Tommy and I entertained for hours with his tales of derring do, probably most of it made up, but at our age, everything was true. Tommy was slightly older than me, not by much I don’t think, but to me he was the elder statesman.
I suppose I must have been there from birth, hard to tell really. One thing that still puzzles me is something that happened one day while Tommy and I were playing.
The old man at the top of the hill had made Tommy and I a kite each. I always remember that kite, it was made from brown paper with a long tail made from pieces of newspaper, you know little bits tied together.
This kite flew like a bird and Tommy and I were having a lot of fun in the field.
There was a man who came to visit sometimes with another woman and the woman used to hold me, the man never did.
As Tommy and I were flying the kites he walked over and for no reason that I know of he smashed the kite in half. To this day I can still see the hate in his face as he did and then walked away without a word.
You can only imagine how I felt. That kite was my pride and joy, I was absolutely heartbroken. There were gates in front of the house and I can still see him as I ran after him and he just shut the gates without a word and walked off, I never saw him again.
I can only assume that the woman who held me was my mother, and the man with her was her husband, I’ll never know.
The reason I never saw him again was because not long after as Tommy and I were playing a car pulled up outside the house.
This was in nineteen forty seven so cars were really a novelty in Northern Ireland, especially in the country where I lived. Unlike today’s children, I had never sat inside a car that I remembered. I may have been brought to the house where I was now, but I would have been too young to remember.
A lady alighted from the car, tweed suit hat, real business like. After talking to the grown ups she held out her hand to me. “Hello Brian” she said, I pulled away, there was something about this woman I disliked.
“Would you and Tommy like to come for a ride in the car, would you like that”?.
That did it, I so wanted to ride in that car. If I could have seen the future there is no way I would have gone anywhere near that car, but we can’t so I got in.
I was even allowed to sit in the front seat while Tommy had to sit in the back.
As she drove Miss Brennan, I later found out her name, chatted amicably about me and Tommy, what we got up to, all sorts really.
We soon pulled into a long drive where the biggest house I ever saw came into view. Miss Brennan got out and told us to come in as she had to see someone inside.
I was taken into an office with Miss Brennan while Tommy was taken to another. After a lot of chatting again between the grownups I was told to wait while Miss Brennan went to the lavatory.
I was told that Miss Brennan had to go somewhere else and she would come back for me later. She never did.
I cried all night for Tommy and the life I had left behind, I still thought she would come back for me.
Next morning I was taken to a large room, the dining room. I had never seen so many children in my life, rows and rows of them at long tables.
Tommy was nowhere to be seen. I looked at the rows and rows of children hoping against hope that Tommy would be there. I realised in later years that to take me on my own would probably have been a bit strange, even to a kid of my age, so Tommy was a smokescreen I suppose.
I was given breakfast of something or other, I wasn’t really hungry at that time, I just wanted to go home.
I kept telling everyone that Miss Brennan would come back for me but the bigger boys just laughed and said I was now here to stay, more tears.
I was only four years old and here I was in this big house with all these children.
The big house was called Dhu Varren children’s home, It’s demolished now. It was situated in Portrush, a small seaside town in Co Antrim.
Portrush was to have a very special meaning for me in later life.
I’m not sure how long I stayed there, as a four year old time doesn’t really have a lot of meaning. I forgot about Tommy for a while and settled into the routine of Dhu Varren children’s home.
One day at breakfast I heard my name called out and was asked to go to the office with a nurse, I don’t know if they were nurses or not, they had a uniform on, but they were very kind.
Following behind I was again in the same office I had been in when I arrived.
Having sat there a few minutes who should come in but Miss Brennan. My heart leapt, perhaps she was taking me back home.
I ran to her excitedly and asked if she was taking me home, she assured me she was. I couldn’t wait to go, I kept pulling her hand saying ‘ let’s go’.
Eventually we got under way with one very excited boy. Now being four years old, nearly five, I hadn’t got a clue on directions. If I had, then I would have noticed we were going the wrong way.
We finally arrived at a small cottage somewhere in the country. Miss Brennan said she had to deliver a parcel and would I like to come with her into the house.
I was so excited about seeing Tommy again I just followed her.
A woman called Mary was in the house, very clean and tidy with a turf fire burning in the hearth. It was one of those open fireplaces that gave out heat like a furnace.
As I was sitting there waiting for Miss Brennan to finish talking a beautiful brown dog walked in, he was only a pup. He immediately came up to me and nuzzled my hand and I returned the affection.
“You can take him for a walk if you like”, said Mary, “he likes to go for a run on the field behind the house”
The one thing I have never had was a dog so I got up and walked off with the dog. For some reason, I never knew why they called him toss, I know, toss.
As toss and I played in the field I heard the car start, ran back to the house just in time to see Miss Brennan’s car drive off in the distance. I tried to run after her but was held back by Mary who was a strong country woman used to hard work.
I remember screaming, ‘not again, please not again’, but it was.
So began my life now with Gordon and Mary, maybe if I had known what lay in store I would have kept running after that car.
Here I was, starting my third home at five and a half. I will never forget the date, fifth Nov, nineteen forty eight.
The next ten years were to be quite eventful to say the least, not quite what I expected.

To be continued.