Citizens!
By Jack Cade
- 1210 reads
Caught without time to gather
your petticoats of resistance?
No chance of evacuation?
Keep calm. All coffee lovers are safe.
Go to your coffee tins and jars, and pour the contents out.
There are instructions at the bottom.
Make the coffee while you read them.
They will reveal the directions to the subterranean fortresses
beneath private estates.
Next: break open Michael Winner.
You will find he is an egg containing vital supplies of double A batteries.
And do the same with other millionaires -
you will uncover lime marmalade, ribbon, flashlights,
fish pies, ice cream, scrabble boards, frozen swiftlets
(for repopulating the sky when you emerge,)
and lots more coffee.
All mansions and other obscene buildings are magnets
that will draw bombs away from genuine dwellings.
Beamers are mines.
The enemy do not know who you are
because you have never been on television.
Meanwhile, television personalities,
and people who regularly take up space in magazines
are volunteer kamikaze squads. Cheer them on.
We, your government, are trained commandos.
That is why we were never any good at anything else.
Many of us will die protecting you.
Plans have been made.
Cigarettes will be used to destroy the enemy from within.
It was a terrible mistake that led to them being tested
on our own people.
All money is edible, with balanced nutrients,
and a taste not unlike cocoa.
Spicy shampoo will silence tobacco cravings.
Make love whenever you can.
See you in the new age.
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