The Day Hyperbole Came True

Advertising executives became
our executioners. Razors
stripped our faces
like potato peelers
and we felt nothing.

Heads were blown apart
from the inside out
by mouthwash.

The latest Sony widescreen
threw entire families
against their living room wall
like gnats into a headlight.

We walked around with books
fixed to us like growths
because we couldn't put them down.

Certain anti-perspirants for men
resulted in the wearer
being ruthlessly hunted
and put to death by Amazons.

An Immigrant Invasion Fleet
defeated our army, beheaded
the Queen and evaded tax.

Our children used drugs
in a war against us
only to die from obesity.

The entire country
was up in arms,
babies wielding bibs
as rudimentary slingshots.
Cashiers toted Mausers
postmen Glocks.

Next thing we knew
it had all gone to the dogs.