Z - The Continuing Downfall of Modern Piracy
By Jack Cade
- 913 reads
INT. HALL - NIGHT
[01.15]
Informal house party. The popular pirate tune 'All for me
grog' is playing, and a variety of other pirate songs play through the
scene. Sweaty air and swinging booty. People cluster in the corners of
the house, singing, swigging from bottles and lurching
around.
Anon, still in his dressing gown, is in the hallway leaning
against the wall among the coats, as a party of three arrive through
the door. Anon raises a can of beer in reply to their inaudible
salutations.
PARTY RATGIRL (O.O.V)
Hey there! Just how the hell are
you?
Again, Anon replies with a friendly gesture, and goes back to
drinking.
WASTED TOWNIE
(O.O.V)
I love her right, but I don't drain her. And she loves me, but
she drains me.
SHARON (O.O.V)
Yeah. Totally. Yeah.
Through the door nearest to Anon is the kitchen and living
area, where the music is coming from.
&;nbsp;
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Cade's sound system has been set up on the worktop. The living
room is bathed in red light, but parts of the kitchen escape its
grasp.
BASTARD(SHOUTING,
O.O.V)
They told me it was light, but I was amazed by its
power.
Cade is sat on the sofa with a bottle of shiraz, surrounded by
three or four women, one of whom is ROSE - camouflaged around the other
girls in low cut evening wear and make-up. They are listening
attentively.
CADE (SHOUTING)
What they're essentially proposing is recession. I mean what?
Just because it's more convoluted this time, that means we have to
support it? War is war, for God's sake. Anyone pro-war is just a victim
of propaganda - yes, the enemy is a bitch, but what good will it do,
eh, Bryan? What will it really achieve? But then, you can't expect a
man rendered illiterate by his education to get it right, can
you?
His audience nod and shrug at each other.
INT. HAWLEY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
JEAN, an American girl, sees HAWLEY sunk into the bed with a 3
litre bottle of Hereford cider, back to the headboard, legs bent. Her
hair is red.
She goes and kneels beside him, brandishing her glass of white
wine. She talks quickly.
JEAN
Hi there. Not many cider drinkers over here. You're the first
I've seen.
Hawley continues to stare at his bottle.
HAWLEY
Don't usually drink it myself really.
JEAN
Well, every English guy I've spoken to laughs at the idea of
drinking cider like it's - I don't know - some kind of rat poison. I
never realised it was so unpopular. I'm Jean, by the way. I'm from New
York, in case you hadn't guessed. (PAUSE) Hi.
Jean waves her hand between Hawley and his cider bottle,
interrupting his line of sight.
HAWLEY
Sorry. I was fixated. I'm John.
JEAN
Hi. Yeah, I thought you looked kinda
entranced.
&;nbsp;
HAWLEY
Sorry, yeah, sorry. Um, New York? So what are you doing
here?
JEAN
I'm only down&;#8230;
HAWLEY (TO HIMSELF)
What am I doing here?
JEAN
&;#8230;for a couple of weeks. I'm visiting friends I met
at University here.
(PAUSE)
HAWLEY
Sorry, you're at the University?
JEAN
No, I studied here a couple of years back, for my year abroad.
And well, my friends dragged me along to a party for old time's sake,
although I've hardly seen them since we got here, so I don't know why
they bothered. But yeah, I'm just - you know, trying to have a good
time, talking to people. If I finish my wine, can I steal some of your
cider?
HAWLEY
Sure.
Jean swigs the rest of her wine.
INT. HALL - NIGHT
Music switches to the popular pirate song 'Another Drinking
Song.'
Anon finds that his can of beer is empty.
He heads into the kitchen to get another one from the fridge,
weaving his way through the partygoers and nodding abruptly at those
who raise a hand to greet him.
When he gets to the fridge, he finds that MARGARET is leaning
against the door. She is more covered up than most of the women, and
clasps a glass of wine.
Anon takes hold of the fridge door handle and waits for her to
move out of the way.
MARGARET
Oh, hello! I saw you on the way in, didn't I? Are you alright?
You looked down. I'm Margaret.
Without shifting her weight from the fridge door, she holds
out a hand.
Anon shakes it, still holding the fridge door with his other
hand.
MARGARET (CONT.)
Actually I'm rather embarrassed because I don't know anyone
here. This isn't my usual crowd - I mean, I like parties, and I like
meeting people. It's obviously fun to let yourself go and have a good
time, but I'm more like - sure, I like to have a good time, but I'm big
on discipline.
Anon listens politely, though his attention repeatedly drifts
toward the fridge.
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Again, music is louder. Of Cade's original audience only Rose
remains, but the others have been replaced by equally attentive girls.
Another young man - obviously drunk - is talking to Cade. Neither can
be heard over the music.
Cade stands up, arguing back at the young man.
The young man takes a step back, raising his hands in
self-defence.
Cade sits down, but continues to regard the young man
suspiciously. The girls around him begin to peel away.
The young man steps forward, talking again.
Cade stands up.
The young man retreats.
Cade sits down, finding most of the girls have moved away to
other parts of the room.
The young man starts forward, but Cade tenses himself, and the
young man turns on his heel, moving with haste into the
throngs.
Cade turns his attention to Rose and relaxes.
Rose smiles.
INT. HAWLEY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Jean and Hawley are still on Hawley's bed.
JEAN
You know I almost didn't make it over. I mean I was hesitant,
because of the war. Flying seemed a bit risky, you
know?
HAWLEY
Yeah.
Hawley fills her glass.
&;nbsp;
JEAN
But in the end I thought what the hell, they're my friends.
It's not like you can escape the war anyway - everyone's talking about
it. I suppose you think it's a bunch of crap too?
HAWLEY
Yeah, well. Guess we need something to do. Everyone wants to
climb up out of the heap.
JEAN
Hey, don't go all philosophical on me. We cider-drinkers have
gotta stick together.
(PAUSE)
Besides, it's depressing. I shouldn't have brought it
up.
HAWLEY
Sorry. It's just lately, I've found
that&;#8230;
JEAN
Let's talk about something nice. Like, well how come you're
here?
HAWLEY
I live here. This is my room.
Hawley begins eyeing her up intently.
&;nbsp;
JEAN
This is your room? (PAUSE) This is your bed then,
huh?
HAWLEY
Yeah. You're sitting on my bed.
Jean notices he's eyeing her up, and grins.
JEAN
What are you looking at?
&;nbsp;
HAWLEY
I was wondering what you'd look like naked.
CUT TO: INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
Anon still has his hand on the fridge door handle and a now
clamps a cigar between his teeth. The smoke from it is
red.
MARGARET
Don't you ever feel there's too much of this? Too much
flirting and drinking and getting drunk? I haven't got anything against
it - I'm sure neither have you - but sometimes it seems like Russian
peasants. My dad thinks it's all disgusting, of course.
Anon nods.
MARGARET
I generally put off the boys anyway, because you know how men
are, and I'm a martial artist. They don't like that!
Anon is impressed. He lets go of the fridge door handle, then
transfers Margaret's hand to his waist.
He puts the cigar behind his ear and starts to lead her
away.
&;nbsp;
&;nbsp;
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Rose remains in Cade's audience, and two other girls have
returned to hear him. He has got himself an eyepatch from
somewhere.
CADE (SHOUTING)
You can only dance about for so long before they zip up the
black envelope. You see&;#8230;a leader is by election on a pedestal
from which he can see the world laid out like a map, but what are his
instructions? If the world is a map, then all his heroes and teachers
can show him is origami. You see?
Rose nods and nods.
The other girls are distracted by something happening in the
kitchen.
INT. HAWLEY'S ROOM - NIGHT
Jean and Hawley stare at one another.
JEAN
Oh ho! Oh. My. That's not the most subtle pass a guy's made at
me.
HAWLEY
You don't understand. (PAUSE) I'm a nurse. We're all nurses -
me and my two housemates. We work at the hospital.
Jean gulps down some of her cider.
HAWLEY (CONT'D)
So I deal with naked bodies all the time - I wondered...
because women's bodies change. In the process of stripping off. Men
only&;#8230; sag and flop. Women, I find - in my experience - women
undergo a kind of metamorphosis. That's just how it seems to me, and I
say seems - I really mean seems, because I realise now I've never
really thought about it before, but now I think of it - it's hit me
like a slab. I saw you there, undressing, and turning into an eagle,
like that god. You know the god - the one who had sex with the
woman?
JEAN:
You mean a swan? (PAUSE) Zeus seduced Leda as a swan and Helen
of Troy was born from the egg?
&;nbsp;
HAWLEY:
Yeah, like that. Like a swan slipping out of a gown. Because I
think I'm having a midlife crisis or something.
Jean drinks more of her cider.
JEAN:
How old are you?
HAWLEY:
I know the innings aren't good if I am having a midlife
crisis. But it's more to do with - well, I don't know what's brought it
on - but it's more to do with focus. You can only ignore all the hubbub
for so long before you realise there's nothing firm - there's no When
All Is Said And Done or Cut The Crap anymore. There's nothing behind
the veils. So I think I might be looking for a symbol, or an artifact,
or a holy grail. I want there to be some high purpose. I want a
swan!
INT. STAIRS - NIGHT
Anon leads Margaret by the hand up the stairs between the
revellers, who are falling over one another. The cigar is gone,
possibly beneath his hair.
A man screams.
INT. HAWLEY'S ROOM - NIGHT
H, FEMALE (O.O.V)
Jean, hey!
JEAN
That's my friend, H. I'll see you later, OK?
Jean gets up to leave.
HAWLEY
Yeah, sure.
Jean leaves. Hawley sups his cider, returning to his
thoughts.
INT. ANON'S ROOM - NIGHT
The top drawer of Anon's bedside cabinet is as he left it,
wedged half-in. He kneels beside it and tries to wriggle out the middle
drawer.
Margaret sits on Anon's bed.
MARGARET
I reckon we're alike in many ways. We're sensitive. I mean, I
often feel defeated and ruined by perfectly nice people who I've no
right to be angry at. Probably just like you do, right?
Anon, still struggling with the drawer, gives her a doubtful
look.
MARGARET (CONT'D)
Oh, I adore you already, you know. You just seem
so&;#8230;
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Cade is now alone on the settee with Rose, and trying to
listen to her feedback.
ROSE (SHOUTING)
Everything you've said&;#8230;
(PAUSE)
I agree&;#8230;
(PAUSE)
totally. Look at all these drunks! Why can't they be more like
you? Why can't they be, you know, more&;#8230;
INT. LANDING - NIGHT
A man plunges headlong down the stairs.
His friends whoop and cackle, sloshing red wine over the walls
and carpet.
Jean is with three female friends who are leaning in close and
listening eagerly to her.
JEAN
He was comparing me to a swan. Can you believe that? I mean,
isn't that just so&;#8230;
&;nbsp;
INT. ANON'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
MARGARET
&;#8230;tender!
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
ROSE (SHOUTING OVER
DIN)
&;#8230;passionate!
INT. LANDING - NIGHT
JEAN
&;#8230;romantic!
INT. HALL - NIGHT [03:50]
Sound of TRAFFIC
The hall is now empty, the coats taken. A few empty cans and
bottles roll around. Someone is leaving through the
door.
The door is SHUT, the traffic blocked out.
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Cade is alone on the settee, still eyepatched. He is proudly
inspecting his wrist, where the name 'Rose' and a telephone number have
been scrawled prettily, like a manly tattoo.
He reaches down the side of the settee and finds the Sunday
Times Culture Supplement.
Hawley enters the room from the hall. He is in a state of
confusion, and, having slept, has grown morning shadow
stubble.
HAWLEY
Hey, Jack. Seen my cider?
CADE
Nope.
Cade opens up the culture supplement and hides behind
it.
HAWLEY
Shit.
CADE
Look for it. Go on a fucking pilgrimage, John.
Hawley exits the room the way he came in.
INT. ANON'S ROOM - NIGHT
The middle drawer is on the bed. In the space on the floor
where Anon and Wronged Lady fought for condoms, Anon has laid out a
collection of ninja figurines, some plastic, some wooden, some metal,
in various poses.
Margaret examines one closely, without
speaking.
Anon watches her.
His eyes stray to one of the condoms he missed when putting
away the top drawer. He flinches, thinking perhaps of how he might hide
it, or what he might do with it.
INT. HAWLEY'S ROOM - NIGHT
The light is off, but the curtains are open, so the room is
dimly lit by the street.
The door OPENS and Hawley enters.
JEAN
Howdy, pilgrim
From Hawley's POV, Jean is lying back on his bed with his
cider bottle under her arm. In the moonlight she is a soft apple
white.
HAWLEY
Enough pilgrim jokes for one night, please! (PAUSE) Look,
err&;#8230;Jean?
JEAN
Yeah?
HAWLEY
You are as holy as it's gonna get, and I've had it with pirate
theories. Let me do stupid things.
He goes to the bed and kneels down beside her.
Their mouths come together in the dark.
On the bedside cabinet, Hawley's mobile phone GOES OFF,
glowing green.
FADE OUT
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