One in Ten

We all know these days
it's nothing
you should be ashamed of

Time edges on
in slow grey motion
FREEZE.

Once a week one hour she'll listen
watch you dig for buried terrors
hauling wrecks toward the surface
stale sour tears and old frustrations
Nothing that I said was ever-
and They never told me that they-
and However hard I tried-
I couldn't I just couldn't I just-

With the lights off
breathing
drawing shuddering breaths
and counting
count them
in,
one,
out,
one,
in,
one,
out-

One in ten
you must not feel ashamed
it's nothing you should feel
it's nothing special, must not feel
ashamed you're nothing really

Stony hard the kernel made
of pain forced down which does not let
you sleep but bends you over, spurting
silent hurt in ugly clots
and gobs from someone else's violent awful face
you do not recognise
arms tightly wrapped around yourself
this can't be isn't me

The cracks run papered over
down the middle
side to side

REPEAT.