Kiss, kick or torture

Kiss, kick or torture

Another day at Misery Manor. Old buildings, stuffy classrooms and old,
stuffy teachers did nothing for Danny O'Sullivan. Angela Hard, on the
other hand, did everything for him. He had decided very early in his
school career that things had to be attractive and exciting if they
were to leave a lasting impression. Angela Hard fitted that description
perfectly. She was stunning, extrovert, intelligent and she sat next to
him in class. The thought of her was certainly exciting, the impression
was definitely long lasting but she was also part of Danny's
misery.

"Danny, I think you're really brilliant at maths."
"Really?" (Oh God, she's got her hand on my...desk)
"You must be the best in the class. I bet you never get anything
wrong."
"Well, not very often, actually. (She's smiling at me!)
"I suppose these questions are dead easy, then."
(Oh, no, she's sucking her pencil!) "Qu..qu..quite easy, I
guess."
"Well, don't guess, just give me the answer to number five."
"I could help you with the rest, if you want?"
"No, I 'm not stupid."

Her warmth and gentleness could wash over him like the bubbles of a
soft scented bath - when she wanted something.
" Oh, no, I must have left it at home."
"What's that?"
"Nothing, really, I've left my geometry set at home. I'll just have to
manage. Unless.... I'd be so grateful if I could borrow someone's spare
set."
"Truscott's got it."
"Couldn't you get it off him? I'm desperate and I'd be so.o.o
grateful."
"He wasn't very happy until I told him it was for you."
"Thanks Danny, you're such a sweetheart. I could just kiss you.... but
not in public!"
"But I never see you in private."
"Shame."
Baths can get very cold!

Things might have been more bearable if it was not for the insane
jealousy of his classmates. Nearly every boy in the class had
despicable designs on Angela Hard. The degree of acceptance into the
inner circle of the playground Mafia depended on one's imaginative
appreciation of Angela Hard and her contours.
Despite his fertile imagination and creative ability, Danny always
remained a peripheral member of Angela's Appreciation Society. His
coveted position as desk mate was totally unacceptable. Abuse ranged
from being called 'Teacher's Pet' to comparison with Gregory Davies
whose flowing locks and love of skipping brought his 'natural'
preferences into question. Persuasion to vacate his highly desirable
residence was, inevitably, accompanied by violence. He could handle
that but the cruel subtleties of his playground peer group were much
harder to cope with.

He was always last to be picked for the school yard football game and,
even then, was relegated to goalkeeper with no chance to enjoy the
thrill and excitement of the kick and rush. His position in 'flickers',
marbles or conkers was to "play the winner". Consequently, he spent
most playtimes as nothing more than an interested spectator.

Perhaps the greatest discomfort came from the game of 'Kiss, kick or
torture, truth, dare or promise.' The unspoken rule of the playground
brotherhood was that it was essential to prove one's macho status. This
always meant that the game became 'Kick, dare or torture.' The dares
were usually insane and impossible but credit was given for trying -
except for Danny. Less than total success was met with scornful abuse
and instant dismissal, though he was not usually afforded the luxury of
a dare. The kicks were always hefty and the tortures would have done
credit to the Spanish Inquisition.

Nevertheless, Danny was determined to enjoy his good fortune while it
lasted. He was sure that his charming chivalry would, one day, win the
heart of the fair Angela. All taunts and jealousies were met with Stoic
response. He continued to provide the necessities of classroom life and
was even prepared to face the sadistic menace of the eagle-eyed,
hawk-nosed Miss Durant to protect the soft, sweet, defenceless object
of his affection.

"Angela Hard, come out here at once! You deliberately flicked that
pellet at me!"
"No, Miss Durant, it wasn't Angela. It was...me."
"Then, Danny O'Sullivan, you had better come out here and get what's
coming to you."

The cane, expertly handled by the vulture in frills, swooped and bit
unmercifully several times. Danny returned to his seat, confident of
receiving many gushing displays of well-earned gratitude.

"What's wrong with you?"
"Well..."
"Yelling out like that. None of the other lads would have done that.
Even Gregory could have taken it. And I definitely wouldn't have
yelled. Now everyone will think I'm scared of Beaky and asked you to
take it. I can look after myself. Thanks a lot!"
(Thanks, Angela)

Danny gradually began to concede that sitting next to her was as close
as he was ever going to get to this lovely creature. He gratefully
accepted the few, gentle words that came his way but his dreams of
greater moments of pleasure slowly and regrettably faded away. Then
came that fateful day when he was invited to Gregory's birthday
party.

All of the other boys declined the invitation, giving genuine reasons
of vital involvement in football fixtures and other social issues or
simply, barely acceptable excuses for not being able to attend. Danny
had no football matches or other reasons and, in fact, was quite happy
to go. He was even happier when he found out that all the girls would
be there and it would mean an extra day in the company of the sweet
Angela.
He ignored the boys' taunts that he would be going to an all girls
party! Duty called.

The party was at Greg's house and was pretty straightforward as parties
go. The food was regulation stuff - jelly, ice cream, and sandwiches.
The presents were only slightly less than regulation - books, games,
clothes, nail varnish. The games took place on a large grass area
adjacent to Greg's house. The spot offered a tremendous view of the
valley below, a sight that could have been Switzerland in its summer
magnificence.

Again, the games were fairly regulation until Gregory went off to try
out a new skipping rope and the girls huddled round to play their
version of 'Kiss, kick or torture'

"Yoohoo, Greg"
"Oh, those are nice knickers. Where did you buy those?"

"Veronica, you were supposed to kick Danny up the bum, not in the
knackers!"

"I thought the fence would have been stronger than that!"

Danny managed to recover from his torment and slipped off into a warm
and comfortable daydream. He only returned to true sensibility when he
realised that the object of his dream was actually walking gracefully
towards him! His mind somersaulted with excitement and almost leapt
from his skull as she bent down, took his hand and whispered, "Come
with me."

Danny stumbled to his feet and meekly followed as Angela led him to the
nearby shelter of a small wood. Out of sight of prying eyes, she gently
pushed him to the ground and softly sat down beside him. Danny's whole
being was a turmoil of emotion and naive stirrings. He gasped and
almost choked as he heard her promise, "I'm going to give you your
first, real kiss, Danny O'Sullivan."

His heart pumped and left him weak, his mind tangled into a blistering
mass of thoughts and images. He nervously gazed at her and, with a look
of desperate anticipation, pleaded, "Me? You mean me?"

Angela took his face in her hands and gently and caressingly brushed
her moist, soft lips against his. She lingered long enough to suggest
that it was more than a friendly peck. Danny's collapse was total as
she placed a second, sensuous caress against his still quivering
mouth.

By the time he had recovered, Angela had returned to the group of
giggling girls and was joining in the fun as if nothing had happened.
Danny, on the other hand, battled bravely to regain his calm and
composure. Eventually, he emerged from the wood and strutted
peacock-fashion back to his perch. "No big deal" he told himself. The
huge grin that split his face suggested otherwise.

The walk to school, after the weekend, was spent in rehearsing the
words that would make him a schoolyard folk hero. "Angela Hard kissed
me - twice!"
The reaction was mixed. Some faces dropped in sheer disbelief, others
grinned broadly at such fantastic luck, a few would not believe until
they had firm confirmation of the wicked deed. Several times he was
persuaded to relate the event which he did with great gusto and
embellishment. His growing status was confirmed when he was offered the
captaincy of one of the football teams and guaranteed 'first pick' His
social calendar rapidly filled to the point where he had to turn down
games of 'jacks' and even regular sessions of 'spying on the
girls'

However, playtime itself brought an unexpected storm. He was totally
unprepared for the jeers and insults that were hurled at him. He faced
scornful laughter and accusing fingers pointed at him.
Danny felt utterly lost and bewildered. His only clue to this
onslaught of ridicule was in the suggestion that he "Ask Angela what
it's all about."
With his mind, once again, a turmoil of emotions, Danny sat at his desk
and faced his sweet tormentor.
"Did you tell the boys that you didn't kiss me?"
"No. I told them that I kissed you. I just told them that I kissed you
as...."
"As what? A reward? A dare?"
"No, as a..."
"As what? What did you kiss me as?"
"As a TORTURE!"
Another day in Misery Manor.