I Remember

I REMEMBER

It was the top of his head that she saw first, or to be more precise,
that little sticky-up blonde bit in the middle of that black thatch. He
had his back to her and was just disappearing into the post office so
she couldn't be absolutely sure that it was him but somehow she knew it
was.

She went into the baker shop next door and spent more time than was
necessary buying a bag of doughnuts.

Leaving the counter she walked slowly towards the shop doorway, pausing
to look into her handbag as if searching for something but in reality
it was almost as if she could see through the wall and knew she was
moving in parallel to him in the shop next door and timing it so they
would both emerge together.

They did. It was him. They came face to face on the pavement.

"John? John, how are you? Nice to see you"

She smiled the smile of greeting an old friend.

He stared at her and for the grain of a moment she thought, 'My God, he
doesn't remember me'

But he had and he reciprocated her smile.

"Sara. Well hello. This is a surprise. What are you doing around
here?"

"Oh, we moved here about a year ago and I just thought I'd pop out and
do a bit of shopping. This is really weird. I usually do my shopping
once a week but I'd run out of a few things so I thought I'd pop out to
the shops"
She struggled to keep the smile on her face whilst telling herself 'for
god's sake you stupid idiot, stop babbling'

She struggled on.

"I noticed you from the back. I see you've still got your sticky-up
bit"

He laughed and ran his fingers over his head.

'Oh my god' she thought, 'that laugh is still the same'

"Yes, it's still there"

"So" she said, trying to sound interested but not bothered. "What's
been happening with you? You with anyone or anything?"

"Of course we haven't spoken for ages so you don't know. I'm
married"

"Really!" She locked her smile in place.

"Oh yes. I've got a couple of nippers. A boy of four and a girl of
two"

'Please' she thought 'please don't show me any photographs'

She said "They must keep you pretty busy"

"They do, they really do. I'm taking them both swimming this
afternoon"

Her mind switched to another dimension. 'I remember swimming. Scuba
diving in The Bahamas. Only the wetsuits stopped us making love at
twenty metres'

"Of course" he was saying, "with kids we can't afford expensive
holidays"

She switched again. 'Holidays. I remember holidays. A Range Rover
bumping across the plain. Lying under the stars listening to the sounds
of Africa'

"The most we can go to these days" he was saying "is a few days in
Bournemouth. But we enjoy it and the kids love the beach"

'The beach' she switched. 'I remember the beach at Acapulco. The music.
The pina coladas'

"And of course" he was continuing "We just love walking along the cliff
tops"

Switch. 'walking. We walked up mount Snowden and you stood at the top
and yelled at the top of your voice "look at me ma, top of the
world"

"Anyway" he asked, "how about you? What's been happening with
you?"

"Me!" She switched to reality. "My partner and I bought a flat a few
minutes from here about a year ago"

He smiled congratulation.

"Any plans of any little ones?"

"Me!" she exclaimed with mock horror. "No, no. I'm not ready to think
about that yet"

"Well, I can recommend it. For all the disadvantages there's nothing
like two chubby little arms going around your neck and a sticky, jammy
kiss on the cheek"

She laughed." I'll take your word for it"

"Must go" he glanced at his watch. "I'd love to stop and talk but I
really must rush or I'll be late for the kids swimming lesson. Lovely
to see you"

"You too. See you around the neighbourhood" She forced a smile.

"Mmm? What? Oh yes, yes, of course. See you"

She watched as his little blonde sticky-up bit grew smaller and smaller
and disappear as he walked away, and her hand went involuntarily to her
face as the acid of a single tear stung the corner of one eye and she
knew that the hole in her heart would never fully mend.