Broken Connection

Standing far from where I now am,
She laughs and talks at me.
Unaware of the endless condition
From which I can never be free.

Not seeing the state of my innermost turmoil,
Blind to the pain and the fear,
Angelic in nature, beatific in visage,
Blind to me, so near.

As my outer disguise nods and smiles,
The self inside will weep
For the broken connection that keeps her from knowing
The emotions that run so deep.

The human method of communication -
So basic, so perfect, so flawed.
Allowing a thousand thoughts to be spoken,
While a billion emotions still roar.

The smiles on the lips and inside the eyes
No reflection of the depths within.
No indication of rage, isolation,
No visible sign of the din.

A flickering smile playing across her face,
My lips twitch in reply.
Within me, my emotions scream,
Impotent, passed by.

My fa?ade of self-control
Has long gone out of such.
Inside I sit, buried by me,
The only action to watch.

She turns and walks, her back to me now,
The chances quickly vanish,
I cry, and scream, and weep, and roar,
No hope - my self is banished.

My fa?ade turns the other way,
Retreating, my mind is stricken.
Such feelings rage within my heart
And burn while still not given.

The broken connection to my means of control
Is grown of my foolish ambition.
Seeking a refuge, a strength of the self
I have led myself to perdition.

The lack of control gained from my control
Negates my every endeavour,
As my own fa?ade drives away my love -
Then. Now. Forever.