Bin Day.

There was a woman in the bed beside him. She was naked. She moved closer, and he could feel her warm body touching his. He could feel her breath on his face. Her mouth was just inches from his ear, and she whispered slowly and softly, “I hope you’re as horny as I am.” Before he had a chance to reply, a loud ringing noise broke the silence. He opened his eyes, and the dream was gone. God, how he hated Wednesdays.

The alarm went off at 6.45 and he had to be dressed and in the kitchen before 7am. Not easy when you’re in your late seventies and your knees are not what they used to be. His right knee wasn’t too bad once it got going, just a bit of stiffness in the joint, but his left knee was a mess. No cartilage left, so it was bone on bone. He’d been waiting for an operation for almost two years. His doctor assured him he was on the list, but he wasn’t holding out much hope. He was convinced he’d be dead by the time his name was called. He limped and wobbled his way to the bathroom and pulled the light cord. Nothing happened. He pulled it again. Still nothing. He cursed Dave, the owner of the corner shop who’d sold him ten lightbulbs for just two pounds. This was the third one that had blown in just two weeks. He fumbled around in the darkness and found the toilet. He lifted the lid and urinated. Hoping all the time that his aim was good, if it wasn’t, he'd be spending half an hour on his poor old knees cleaning up piss again. He turned to where he knew the sink was and opened up the tap. The water was ice cold, and he splashed it over his face and some onto his thinning grey hair. It had an instant effect. He was now awake and ready for the task ahead. He found the towel, dried himself, then wobbled his way to the kitchen and turned on the light. Now for the part he hated.

Wednesday was rubbish collection day. The two kitchen bins had to be emptied, the sacks tied up, taken out the back door, along the pathway, through the back gate and then placed at the boundary of his bungalow. The binmen were very specific about where the bins could be left. They mustn’t be on the grass verge by the road, they mustn’t be on the pavement outside the property. They had to be on the boundary!

It wasn’t a long walk but what with his knees and the fact that he was about four stone overweight, it wasn’t an easy task. If it wasn’t done by 7.15 there was a very good chance the Bin men had already been, and then you’d have to wait another week to get the rubbish cleared. He started his task, the sweat began almost instantly and he was out of breath before he opened the back door. He kept going, slowly along the path and then opened the back gate. Not far now. He walked the last few steps before he eventually placed the bins on the boundary of his small two-bedroom bungalow. He let out a massive sigh of relief as he did so. Job done.

He heard a sound from nearby. He looked up, it was Maureen from next door.  She smiled at him.

“Morning, Jim. You okay? I’m looking for Tatum, my little cat, you haven’t seen her, have you?

He smiled back, trying not to notice her tartan slippers and that her dressing gown was open at the front, revealing a very nice silky nightie. Maureen was a handsome woman for her age. Maybe it was Maureen who was in his dream earlier? He ignored the thought and answered.

“Yes, I’m fine thanks, Maureen. Just getting the bags out for the Dustmen. Didn’t want to be late. Sorry, haven’t seen little Tatum this morning.”

Her face changed from a smile to a look of confusion. She looked up and down the street. 

“But it’s Tuesday today, Jim, the Binmen don’t come till Wednesdays.”

Now it was his turn to look up and down the street. Not a bag in sight. He wanted to swear or scream or punch something, he did neither. Instead, he just nodded his head.

“Silly me. Got the wrong day. I’ll take them back and bring them out again tomorrow.”

Maureen raised her eyebrows and grinned.

“Yes, best take them back indoors Jim, can’t leave them out till tomorrow, the foxes will tear them to pieces. Please keep your eyes open for little Tatum for me?”

Jim picked up both bags and managed to say just two words as he wobbled back to the kitchen, his heart almost exploding in his chest.

“Will do.”