London Buses

London Buses
Customer Service Centre,
4th Floor
172 Buckingham Palace Road
London
SW1W 9TN
Dear Sir/Madam.

Like many people of London yesterday morning (30th Oct) I looked out of
my bedroom window (in Cowley) with horror, to see that the heavy rain
that had started early the previous evening, had continued to fall all
night and in no way hinted that it would stop in the near future. This
caused me to alter my plans in regards to transporting myself to West
Drayton, my usual walk along the Grand Union Canal threatened to be a
dirty adventure and therefore I consider your bus service. I decided
against the buses due to my previous experiences of your time keeping.
I am a man of high standards but not even I would expect your bus
service to have been running promptly in such conditions, especially
considering their lack of punctuality on bright summer's morning when
there are no other vehicle on the road. I therefore began my walk along
Cowley Road.

My walk was halted approximately half way when I approached a large
lake (recently name Lake Cowley) that had not been there the previous
morning and consumed nearly 100 yards of road and path. I considered my
options and plumped for a dare devil attempt at leaping like Bob Beaman
on acid from shallow to shallow, therefore keeping dry. This continued
for around 50 yards until there were no more shallow areas to leap to.
This is when I discovered a small wall to my left which, by it's
height, pierced the surface of the lake by about a foot. With one
salmon like leap upwards and to my left, I managed to reach the top of
the wall, I was on my way again. My relief was short lived as the wall
continue only until it reach the owners drive way, there was then a 6
foot gap, below it only water. It was clear that I would have to jump
the gap. It was at this point, as I walked slowly back for a run up, I
noticed that a crowd of around 20 mature ladies had gathered at the
shore in order to watch my crossing of Lake Cowley and that also, my
efforts had gained the attention of several queuing drivers. The cheers
from the Grannies and the pipping of horns from the motoring public
built the adrenalin already in my body as I prepared my Evil Kenival
style crossing of the large gap. As I reach full pelt, I took off from
the end of the wall and as if God's own angels were carrying me along I
made it to the other side.

The roar of the crowd and the smell of the CO2 pushed me to my next
obstacle. The wall owner's neighbor was a horticulturist, and preferred
a flimsy hedge to a wall. I looked down into Lake Cowley, only 10 yards
from the shore and notices 10 thin pieces of fencing, each just short
of a yard long and each surface liberated from the unforgiving water.
Like a Russian gymnast, blessed with balance I continued along the beam
like structure. The oxygenarians began 'whooping' as they realized I
might just make it. As I gained confidence, I gained speed and agility
until a few yards from the end I flew ballerina style to the bank and
to dryness.

With adrenalin pumping through my body, the car horns cascading across
the morning air and my wrinkled fan club leaping for joy I turn to them
all, the only moisture on my body was a bead of sweat. I raised my arms
like a footballer receiving the glory of a winning goal, I believe the
posture is known as the 'Jesus Christ pose' when, from out of nowhere,
traveling at around 30 mph came the 222, it's volume and weight
creating a tidal wave nearly 5 and a half foot tall (coincidently the
same size as me) and it covered me from head to toe.

The bus was bang on time.

Yours moistly,