ZERO VICE

ZERO VICES. (Monologue)

When I was a roaring twenty,
Vices I had plenty.
Doctors advised me to abstain.
Give up smoking?
Then you'll stop choking!
I've tried it - time and time again!
I'll have another go tomorrow.
Quit boozing. Now?
I don't know how.
Drinking drowns my sorrow.
Stop having a flutter.
Betting on the nose,
That's where the money goes
You'll finish up in the gutter.
Ah, but sex is free.
Good exercise.
Very wise.
Yes, that's the vice for me!