Shudder to see

Shudder to see
that the world will never be
as I dreamt it was.

The cavernous depths of loneliness,
the sheer rock wall of helplessness
was nothing.

The hatred the lies,
was the world through my eyes,
not the world in the real,
it's all just how you feel.

Their must be some way to describe the way I feel,
amidst the infidelity of words,
the road block of mind ...
or perhaps that's it.
Perhaps, the expression of my soul
is the expression of inexpressibility,
and perhaps the paradox is within me,
not life.

And my starting block is
"I can't really explain what I mean."

Now the race has begun;
And I ain't stoppin' runnin'
till it's bin run and won.