The Last Time (Part 1)

“I don’t think I want to do this anymore,” whispered Anna. She didn’t look at me. She didn’t look at what she was about to shatter into million pieces. I didn’t look at her as the girl who was about to break my heart, but I looked at her as the girl who I once wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I looked at the girl with long dark hair loosing on her shoulder with my heart beating so fast as if it was going to jump off my chest.
“What?” I whispered with all the strength I’d left. My voice was so crack that it seemed like nothing left my mouth at all. I couldn’t stand up so straight any longer as I slowly learned against the light green wall of her bedroom. “Can I……… Could you…”
“This is exhausting, Charles. I loved you so much but now I…I don’t know.” She avoided my sight and I was too weak to walk to her.
“Why are you doing this? I’m sorry. Please” Tears flooded my eyes as I wanted to get down on my knees just to beg her, beg her not to leave my side. I couldn’t not lose her, not for a second. “Give me another chance, please”

Heartbreaking minuets of silent couldn’t keep my tears from falling like a river in the north. My heart hurt so badly like it was strapped by a sharp knife. The future I thought we would have was burnt up right in front of my eyes. Nothing could safe it. Nothing could stop the fire. It was so burning hot in my chest and I didn’t feel like breathing anymore. That was how much she meant to me. I loved her with all my heart. I…I…I screwed everything up.

“That’s nothing left to save.” She whispered, still didn’t look at me.
“Please…”
“Please leave.”

She walked to the door where I was standing. The door was opened as the sign for me to leave. I reached out for a hug with tears pouring down my face. She hugged me. The best last hug I got from her. She wrapped tears out of my face and that was the first time all night that she looked at me. My heart almost stopped beating. I wish everything could go to a pause. I wanted this moment to last forever. After I walked out this room tonight, everything would be left out like an old book in the library that no one wanted to read it anymore. I would do anything just to have her smile back on her face again. I would turn back time. I would do everything.

“Good bye,” she said and my tears ran down even more. Now, I could see that her eyes were so red. She was holding up her tears back. She was trying to be strong when I was so soft as a cloud.

The street of Boston had never been so cold. There was only me this midnight. My coat couldn’t bare the coldness I felt from within. It was like my heart gone numb and it made everything frozen. I stopped after awhile, looking back wondered if I should go back at her door. But I knew I knew better.

“Can you see me right now? I’m flying there.” I dialed up the phone to New York. I dialed up to someone I knew for sure that she would say yes to my unexpected visit.
“What?” Her sleepy voice replied. “Charles, you have your commencement day tomorrow. What are you doing here?”
“I don’t know what to do.” I threw myself sitting on the dirty curbside of campus area. I really didn’t know what to do next. “I don’t know.”
“What’s going on?”
“I lost her.”