Let's Play Jeopardy

Alex Trebek: "Welcome to Jeopardy. Let's meet our contestants,
beginning with Frostbite Falls Mayor and Russian defector, Boris
Badinoff."

Boris: "Hello Alex. Remember "fearless leader" is watching."

Alex: "Who is "fearless leader?"

Boris: "If you not know who "fearless leader is, you betta watch
it!"

Alex: "I'm shaking in my boots, Boris."

Boris: "Good. Fearless Leader likes shaking boots."

Alex: "Let's get to know you a little better, Boris."

Alex: "Boris, I understand you're having some problems with your
budget
over there. Were you really off in your projections by $7.5
million
last year, leaving a huge deficit compounded by more ridiculous
revenue
projections for 2004?"

Boris: "It's all just a misunderstanding. Huge grants will be
arriving
any day now from dozens of Nigerian individuals I've been
corresponding
with by e-mail."

Alex: "I see. Our next guest is Bart Simpson, executive director of
the
Mississippi River Joint Toll Bridge Commission. Bart, You've been
under
fire for secret meetings, drug running, accepting favors from
prostitutes and vendors, deception about the purpose of your
gigantic
toll increase and now paying expensive consultants to train your
workers to deceive the public with vague, evasive language. Your
response?"

Bart: "Eat my shorts."

Alex: "Now, be serious, Bart. My patience runs thin!"

Bart: "Okay, okay. We are empowering our associates to leverage
their
communicatory resources to maximize their ability to elucidate
our
objectives in an efficacious manner. Whewwww! Try saying that fast
five
times. I bet you can't Alex. If you can I'll eat my own shorts!!"

Alex: "Some other time, Bart."

Alex: "Money well spent, I see. And our third guest is President
George
W. Bush. Mr. President, it's a thrill to have you here."

George: "Thank you, Alex. I'm a big fan of your show. Where's
Vanna?"

Alex: "Let's see our categories. They are: World Leaders, War and
Peace, The Economy, Plain Speaking and Action Figures. George, as
leader of the Free World, you begin."

George: "Bring it on. I'll take Action Figures for $40."

Alex: "Nemesis of He-Man." BZZZ. "George."

George: "Who is Skeletor? Action Figures for $60."

Alex: "Elite force of GI Joe members diguised as..." BZZZ.
"George."

George: "What are Spy Troops? Action Figures for $80."

Alex: "Optimus Primal is ...?" BZZZ. "George."

George: "What is Transformers Maximal?"

Boris: "This is ridiculous. Did you brief the guy on the categories
in
advance?"

George: "I've been collecting action figures for years. I use them
to
act out many of our battle plans in the Oval Office before I
authorize
military..."

Vice President Dick Cheney entering the studio: "Mr. President, I
don't
think we need to get into that kind of detail."

Alex: "Please make your next selection."

George: "Just to satisfy the whiner over here, I'll switch
categories.
Plain Speaking for $60."

Alex: "Overcharging the public." BZZZ. "Bart."

Bart: "What is maximizing your monetary resources to meet the
intimidatory paradigm of inflation, terrorism and regulatory..."

Alex: "No." BZZZ. "Boris."

Boris: "What is gouging? Plain Speaking for $100."

Alex: "Public officials taking an expensive, unnecessary resort
trip
under the pretense of training." BZZZ. "Bart."

Bart: "What is an entirely justifiable investment in enhancing
the
parameters of ..."

Alex: "No. Whoops, we're out of time. Bart, you're in the hole, so
you
can take your parameters out of here.

George and Boris, please write down your Final Jeopardy wagers.
Our
final answer is: "The biggest issue facing our nation today."
(Theme
music)

"Boris, you had $160. You answered...What is one-way streets as a
contributor to crime? Wrong. You wagered ... $2.2 million. I'm
afraid
you have a gigantic deficit.

"George, you had $180. You answered..."What are steroids in sports
and
gay marriage?"

"That's incredibly wrong. You wagered....$477 billion. Gentlemen,
you
can't spend more than you have."

George: "Wanna bet?"