Holiday,The

The Holiday

When she came back, she placed her feet firmly on the ground; she'd
been up in the air for as long as she could tolerate. Her baggage was
for once ready for her, as she turned the corner. She flicked off the
stow away fly and walked towards the exit. She wasn't stopped by anyone
on her way out, so she left as if she had never been there. The taxi
took her home and her empty house greeted her with a familiar creak of
the door and the ticking of the clock. Her emotions were uneasy and
dull as she listened to her answer machine messages, wishing she were
two days in the past. She climbed her stairs with her suitcase and bag
and lay them both down on the bed. She couldn't really be bothered to
hang her clothes in the wardrobe or place them on the shelves so she
put the majority of them to wash. This of course meant more ironing
later on, but Emily had always lived for the present, a manana kinda
girl. Nothing worried her but the next few hours. She chose to spend
them collapsed on the sofa in front of her rather small t.v. The face
of Trevor McDonald welcomed her and informed her of the recent train
crash in Selby and the current fight between the Tories and labour. She
now knew the day, date and what time it was, things that really she
preferred to be ignorant of. They were the early morning indicators
that she had started the same old routine. She turned the t.v. off and
went upstairs for a shower. You could tell that she had taken her time
in the shower because the window was steamed up and her skin had gone
wrinkly.
Her phone rang whilst she was drying off so she left it to the
machine, even if she hadn't have just got out of the shower she
probably wouldn't have answered it. She really wasn't ready for
civilisation yet! She could still feel the warm sun on her back making
her sleepy and she could still smell the barbecues that her neighbours
had had nearly every night. She missed the long walks she had taken on
the beach that had managed to solve many of her problems, or that was
how it had seemed at the time.
She moved into her bedroom where she began to get ready for bed. She
remembered the fly that she had flicked off her bag and thought about
how it felt right now. It must be so lonely in this foreign land, like
placing a tiger in water or a shark in a jungle.
Placing the exact time she changed was not yet possible. All that she
knew was that although she was still a girl only really concerned with
the present, she now had an added side that was making her concerned
about the future as well. It was like walking around with two people
inside her one body. She was torn between acting on impulse and staying
somewhere where she thought she had safety and security, although how
long that might last was questionable. If she had real guts or was
anything like what she used to be she would have already booked her
flight and be on her way back there.
Emily is a tall woman, with a full figure that is always in shape. Her
long dark hair doesn't cover her very green eyes or her round face.
When choosing what to wear in the morning (before she goes to work) she
always likes to look smart, skirt suits, trouser suits, you know the
kind of thing. However the second she gets home she is straight out of
those clothes and into jeans or cords or any other kind of casual
comfortable clothing. She spends a lot of her time wishing how her life
could be but never really gets round to doing anything to change it.
She is kind and considerate and has a good circle of friends around her
who know her all too well. Her father died five years ago but her
mother is still around and spends all of her time worrying about Emily.
They meet up on Wednesdays every two weeks for dinner at whichever
house is the most convenient. There is no man in her life, well not a
romantic one, but everyday she wishes there were.

Her phone ringing once again interrupted her thoughts, but this time
she had to answer it. It wasn't anyone exciting, it was just her mother
asking her how she was feeling and if they were still meeting up this
Wednesday at the usual time.
"Do you know what Mum, why don't you come round here for a change?
I've come over to your place the last few times now, so I think it's
about time I cooked for you"
"Well don't go to too much trouble Emily, I never do!"
"That's not true Mum you always manage to put on a feast"
"Well I could bring some food with me if you like?"
"Mum! You just make sure you're round here on time and I'll worry
about the rest"
"Okay, okay, I'll be there, at least let me bring a bottle of
wine?"
"Fine you can bring the wine"
"Great! I'll see you on Wednesday then"
"Okay mum, see you then, bye"
"Bye Emily, take care"

Well Emily had no idea what she was going to do for her mother on
Wednesday but she would think of something. She wanted to show her Mum
that she was coping fine living on her own and that coming back hadn't
affected her at all. The fact that her company had sent her out there
to start a new life in a new job, a better job in fact, and that she
had failed at it didn't bother her at all. No way, she wasn't losing
any sleep over that at all. When she returns to the office on Monday
she won't feel like she has to prove anything, she'll just get on with
things as usual. She went away for a holiday and now she's back. So, no
problems here, nope, everything was fine, she was absolutely
fine.

"Oh shit, shit, shit! I really screwed it up this time."

If any of her friends had been around the day she was told to pack her
bags and leave, it would have been very obvious to them why Emily came
back to England on a huge paranoia rampage. Emily was not used to
failing, she had had her ups and downs as every person does, but she
had never really failed anything. Her decision to leave England and
move to Brunei had been as usual, a last minute one. The company had
given her until 4pm on the Friday and on that day at 3.45pm she told
her boss she'd go.
Her company or her boss at least, had wanted her out of this job right
from the start. However Emily thought that this would be no different
to the other tasks that he had set for her, she would pass with flying
colours as always. How wrong can one person be? When Emily arrived in
Brunei and turned up for her first day in her new job, it was all a lot
harder then she had imagined. Her luck had not helped her this time,
her last minute decision had left her unprepared and nothing could get
her out of this mess this time. Emily didn't usually suffer from stress
as she had always done just enough to get by and that had always
worked, but her grand plan for getting through life was beginning to
fail. It had scared her and left her feeling unsure about everything.
It was like a person carrying you over hot embers and dropping you
meters before the end. You didn't know what to do but you had to do
something quick before you were fried to death. Then this person picked
you up and placed you right in the middle of the ocean where you had
one inflatable ring to hold on to. You were lost and only you could do
something to change that. It was really at this point that Emily
realised the change had taken place. One minute a manana girl, the next
still impulsive but with a hundred more insecurities than usual.

"We know you can do it Emily, that's why everyone calls you wonder
woman in this office!"

"Wonder woman, wonder woman, since when had they called me that? They
only ever complimented me when they wanted something or were waiting
for me to fall, a compliment this size must mean they are expecting a
big fall"

Emily had given them exactly what they wanted and she felt awful. In a
situation like this there was only one thing to do, call wonder
woman!

"No, not my self obviously, my mum!"

Her mother arrived on time, well actually it was about an hour early
but Emily had been living with her mothers challenges on time for a
long time now and so always asked her mum to come round an hour later
than she wanted her to. Maybe it was the other way round, maybe her mum
knew that Emily asked her an hour later when she really wanted her
there an hour early. Maybe when you become pregnant a device is
implanted into you brain and so you know all of your child's thoughts.
This could be possible because Emily's mum knew things about Emily that
were never told out loud, so she either had a very good group of spies
or she was psychic.

"Emily are you going to eat those vegetables? I can't believe that
after all these years you still leave your vegetables until last"
"I don't like them mum, I have to build myself up to those moments of
unpleasantness"
"Oh I'm sure it's not that bad Emily, they are all good for you
"You know Mum you can say that a hundred times and it still doesn't
make them taste any better, the same goes for liver!"
"I bet you never cook yourself liver do you?"
"No Mum, I don't, but do you cook yourself car tyres and sheep's
eyeballs"
"No I certainly do not but what's that got to do with it?"
"Well liver tastes like car tyres and in some countries sheep's eyes
are seen as being good for you!"

So after spending half of the evening convincing her mother that she
looked after herself and washed behind her ears, Emily changed the
subject on to something more serious.

"I knew it was bothering you"
"Well of course you did mum, you have that device in your head"
"Have you taken your vitamins today Emily?"
"Forget it Mum, lets just get to the point. What am I going to
do?"
"You could quit your job"
"I came to you for advice because I thought you would come up with
something sensible and logical. My friends would tell me to quit my job
and that is not helpful"
"Well it depends on how you look at it dear. You haven't been happy in
that job since you started, those men pushing you around and trying to
prove their sex as more powerful. When you go back on Monday you're
going to have to put up with a lot more than what you've had to in the
past"
"I can't just back out when the going gets tough Mum"
"Emily sweetheart, you're not backing out, you've stuck it out for a
long time now and have had to put up with a lot more than most do in
their whole lives. It's time to leave and you know it is, but something
is stopping you from doing it"
"Even if I do quit I'll still have to work my notice. Plus I've been
thinking about my future and I need to start to live a safe and stable
life"
"That's not you Emily and it never will be, you may feel like it's the
right thing to do now but eventually you'll have to admit to the fact
that you're unhappy. If you quit then working your notice won't be hard
because you'll have something to look forward to"
"What like joining that queue of unemployed every week?"
"No Emily, a new life with new opportunities and a chance to meet some
new people"
"Mum, I'll be here in my flat leafing through the job pages of the
local newspaper"
"No you won't"
"Well, oh wise one, where will I be then?"
"I can't tell you but you'll find out soon enough"
"Maybe I should have invited my friends around, I would have got the
same advice but I'd be a lot less confused"
"It'll all become clear soon Emily, I promise"
"You're not going to give any more away are you?"
"No"
"In that case, are you ready for desert?"
"Yes please, I've not satisfied my sweet tooth yet this evening"

Emily did not sleep well that not as a hundred thousand thoughts were
circling her brain and keeping her awake. She tried counting sheep and
changing position and then just counting and then imagining a black
hole but none worked. One voice kept saying the same thing over and
over again. It was louder than all of the other thoughts she had
whizzing around in her head. She ignored it but she knew what it
meant

"Well we'll be sorry to see you go Emily, you've been an asset to this
company, a pillar that holds us up. I don't know who we'll get to
replace you"
"You know exactly who you'll get to replace me, Brian from accounts has
wanted my job for as long as he's been with us. Now you men can have
your board meetings and fart and belch and scratch your bollocks
without worrying about having a useless, stuck up, woman sat in the
corner"
"That is not true Emily, in fact I find that comment quite
insulting"
"Really Derek, well you know where you can stick it"
"Where?"
"In your out tray and filing box like all of the other crap!"
"I'd fire you on the spot if you hadn't have just quit"

Emily just smiled and walked out of the office with her head held
high. It was a shame that no one else had listened in on that
conversation but that did not lessen the satisfaction.

A fortnight later Emily was checking that all of her bags were packed
and that the house was all in order. She didn't have to leave a note
for anyone and she was pretty sure her Mum would know where she was
once she found the house empty. She could always phone her once she got
there.

The plane landed on time once again, which Emily saw as a positive
sign, she gathered her things and jumped into the first cab she saw. It
felt great to be back, this was her home, England was where her roots
were, but this was where she belonged. A fire on the beach had been
something Emily had always wanted to do and now was a perfect time. The
flickering flames, jumping in random ways aiming for some hidden line,
entertained her until the sun set. She took her shoes in her hand,
rolled up her trousers and went for another walk along the beach. This
beach had managed to give her answers before and she hoped it could
again. Her Mum had been right, she wasn't a safe, comfortable girl, she
was a manana kinda girl.