Descent
By kearan_jazz
- 581 reads
I suppose it was inevitable that giving up the one thing I knew was right would make it all seem so much worse but it was also the only thing I remember doing before I woke up here 9 days ago with no discernable memory, a slightly charred bespoke black suit, a nearly full pack of Malboro, and a silver zippo. I would have carried on but the new warden is such a fuckass. It wasn't even my god damn fault that my room mate, after a week of warning them that he would spontaneously combust, went and did it. Now, because they didn't bloody listen to him, all smoking privileges have been taken away. I am not sure if he somehow thinks that banning smoking would stop more people doing it or whether it is just an example of political correctness gone mad but the poor guy only ever smoked once in his life and that was only when he breathed out his dying breath of slow roasted insides. So having just left the comfort of my daily cigarette for the last time for a while the boredom begins to pain.
I am sure I have never been much of one for colour in general as I don't particularly feel adverse to the minimalist white and grey of my general surroundings but I do object to the smell. Ok so my room still slightly smells like an overdone version of the Sunday roast they provide here as sustenance but it's the fact that everywhere is cut away with the dry acidic tones of cheap cleaning products designed to strip away anything bar the tiles they use it on. Maybe I was just more used to a sweeter smelling existence before I got here but all this forced cleanliness kinda grates. Its very much like when some polite kinda guy takes a shit and decides to spray air freshener so the next guy doesn't smell it but you walk in after him and not only can you smell his shit but he has also just ruined the smell of roses for you forever. In here you can't seen the shit, fuck - you can't even see Jack's semen stains on the walls of his room from last night, but you know its there and someone is just trying something stronger than roses to cover it up.
Some of you may think this place sounds like it could be interesting but no it's boring the tits off me. Yeah I admit we have some interesting characters in here ' like Jack and his habitual some say almost ritual cum flinging competition with himself every night, and there is always the chance you may wake up to the sizzling of human flesh opposite you. But when you are just sitting here wondering who the fuck you were ' not knowing what you liked, hated, loved, could not give a shit about ' nothing means much anymore. Let me give you some examples: I don't know if I was a complete asshole in ' lets call it my previous life ' but I felt nothing for my room mate when he died I'm pissed off that I can't smoke anymore but that's it; I have tried watching TV but that just promotes apathy I don't know whether I care about the characters so I just don't care ' full stop; I don't know of any activities I enjoyed partaking in so I can't partake anymore apart from smoking. Smoking is weird I didn't know I smoked but I kinda assumed that having a box of cigarettes and a lighter that I may just have done ' so I tried it and I realised I liked it. So that's it all I know about myself is that I may or may not give a shit about nothing at all apart from inhaling luscious amounts of warm chemicals into my lungs and that I may or may not have an ounce of emotion in my body towards my fellow man. Maybe I am questioning it all a bit too much and coming up with nothing but by my reckoning I am either a complete apathetic cunt or a new born baby.
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