Brown eyed ghost

Physically a man yet mentally a boy, I had pace yet no direction,
for no direction I desired. Content in the present the past locked my
shackles, I asked nothing from the future in return the future asked
nothing from me. Live for today was the war cry I screamed daily.

Self abuse, the high was my wine whilst my bread were those who
surround me of similar mind, asked not to forgive us our trespasses, as
we wouldn't forgive those who trespassed against us, lead already into
temptation. What is evil?

Tomorrow merely a mirror image of yesterday, black is the haze which
clouds my mind, thickened by poppy or leaf, friend or foe.

I sell my curse to fund my curse, but shall only ever be deemed a curse
in retrospect as in the present I know no past only the release from
days gone by.

I embrace my poison to hide my pain, am I sane? What is sanity? Is
there one pure enough to judge me?

Life's journey travelled in the cold light of day until I viewed
perfection, her mere stare unlocked the haze to comfort my soul, she
could see the man behind the mask, an identity that was hidden from the
entire world but one. The one who was everything I never had and now
wanted to be.

Tomorrow now holds purpose, today is no longer a game of hide and seek,
instead an opportunity to lay building blocks for a brighter tomorrow.
She speaks of my negativity positively not to criticise me, now in my
mind I'm free. Broken are the shackles of yesterday only to be replaced
by those of the present which can be broken only by myself
willing.
I feast upon those brown eyes that gaze upon me daily, becoming more
dependent on there unconditional love as each and every day passes me
by like a shooting star in the winter night sky.

Yesterday is forgotten upon every new dawn each more beautiful than the
last, fate once my great nemesis is now my great protector, a day
becomes a week and a week become a year. The only true love in my
existence, the one love in my life which returns the passion I give in
equal measure without treachery or betrayal.

Each previous love scared that of another, I love my mother, my mother
loves me but her love for another man was greater than that for her
family, my father then banished, the man that loves me but in his
absence the heart did not grow stronger, just heavy with the question
of why? Which way do I turn?

Yet this is a rhetorical question. I fall under the gaze of the brown
eyed girl; she tends to my injuries inflicted during the great battle
of life. How was I to know that my guardian angel was to inflict the
greatest scar of them all?

Even within my new found sunshine I still hide in the shadows, my
location only revealed by the crackle carried on the wind from my still
smouldering pipe, the circle tightens, the prophesies now closer to a
reality with my nearing the top of the reapers list..
My saviour now beats a retreat, in her mind the cause is lost, in my
mind there is no cause except that of escape, I behold the red rose, my
eye lost in its beauty, as its poison thorn pricks my vein.

I stand on the edge and stare into the abyss, the love that I had; a
distant dream. The spirit twists and turns, beyond human control until
all outside comprehension is lost to the black haze that has engulfed
all within my horizons.
Body expired, in the minds eye I still see the brown eyed girl
beckoning me towards the light at the end of the dark tunnel which has
eternally become my home.