Alexander (16)

16.

Alexander followed the scraps of material he’d hung from branches. The bicycle, Alexander decided, would have to be abandoned. Alicia had neither the strength or will to use it. More importantly, his rucksack contained water and biscuits. Alicia was already suffering from fatigue; she was in desperate need of fluid and something to eat. As he pulled her along he could feel the energy draining from her body. ‘Alicia - stay strong! I promise you’ll be safe. But first we need to get away from the manor.’ Once they had recovered the rucksack he intended to walk towards the town. After that, he wasn't sure. Alicia would need a long period of time in care; and she’d need somewhere safe to live, far from Edward Brook and his monstrous mother. She needed to be put in the hands of people she could trust. But it was there a new problem presented itself: Alexander didn’t trust anyone.

It was early morning now. The ground had turned into a damp mulch. The sky was clear and through the trees constellations sparkled. Alicia struggled to keep up. Alexander kept telling her it wouldn't be long before they reached the spot where he’d hidden the rucksack. Then she would be able to eat and drink and replenish herself. But as soon as he said this, Alexander began to wonder whether he’d made a mistake; there were no pieces of material hanging from the trees. They were walking in the wrong direction.

Alicia began to falter. She held on to Alexander, clawing his shoulder in her desperation to remain on her feet. Her steps were becoming slower and more laboured. They would have to stop – she was close to exhaustion.

He lay her beside a large oak tree, took off his coat and covered her. The base of the tree provided a natural incline so that her head was slightly raised. He folded his scarf beneath her head, asked if she was comfortable and she mumbled something that he accepted as ‘Yes.’ He told her to rest; he would recover the rucksack and return as soon as he was able.

Where had he gone wrong ? He was certain the road lay to the west. Perhaps he’d become disorientated in the darkness. Now he feared that he wouldn’t be able to find the road until daylight.

Alexander tried to follow a straight line from where he had set Alicia down. Surely, if he just kept walking he would eventually come to the road. And as soon as he found it he promised himself he would lay new markers from the place where his covered bike and food bag were hidden.

He continued to cut a path through the forest but came to an area of marshland and had to stop. To veer right or left meant deviating from his straight line. He veered to the left, thinking that once he’d negotiated the marsh he’d be able to rejoin his original course. But his boots became stuck in thick mud. His feet became soaked and, without his coat, he began to shiver. Alexander veered further and further left until he had no idea where he was in relation to the straight line he was supposedly following.

He stopped; it was useless. If he carried on he was certain that he too would collapse with exhaustion. Would it be better to return to Alicia ? At least then they could lie close together – their body heat would ensure they had a chance of keeping warm. He started to shake; violent, uncontrollable tremors surged through him. He tried to resist the negative thoughts that were flooding his mind. Contradictory voices seemed to be engaged in battle – go back, carry on, remain where you are, save yourself. 

In the distance he saw tiny spots of glistening light – animals, their eyes reflecting the moon. He heard rustling in the undergrowth and birds, disturbed by his presence, taking flight from the trees. He became convinced that on the forest floor thousands of creatures were scuttling to and fro, eager for him to lose hope and fall in a heap onto the ground. Alexander’s imagination began to run away with itself; he pictured his famished body lying in the forest, being stripped of its flesh by flies, ants, beetles and birds. How easy it would be for a man or woman to disappear, for their physical presence to be rendered null and void in the space of a few hours, the body rapidly decomposing and sinking into the sludge, the earth drinking its fluids, accepting everything, claiming everything as its own.

But it was as he was battling with himself - battling against his own internal terrors and anxieties - that he heard the roar of an engine and saw headlights. The vehicle seemed to come from nowhere, emerging from his left and passing within a hundred yards. Alexander watched the vehicle disappear and realised it was Terry’s van. Having left the manor, he was returning to town. In the space of a few seconds, and based on his knowledge of the road, Alexander knew where he was.

He surged forward. As soon as he stepped onto the road he gathered up two fallen branches and laid a marker. He began to run, finding unknown reserves of energy, his faltering legs strong again. The bizarre thoughts and doubts that had plagued him disappeared. He followed the branches of the trees until at last he spotted, against the clear night sky, the large piece of cloth he had used as a marker for the bike. He turned into the forest once again and pulled away the branches and foliage until he uncovered his bicycle and rucksack. He took out his bottle of water, and drank greedily.

There was no time to lose. He had to prolong the extra energy that he’d acquired, knowing that to stay still was a mistake. The food bag felt like a lead weight but he had to persevere. Re-tracing his steps didn’t seem as difficult now. He felt as if the forest was so familiar to him that he would be able to navigate his way back to Alicia within a few minutes. His thoughts became buoyant – filled with hope and expectation. He began to see Alicia as a deity to be honoured at the end of a long and arduous pilgrimage. To reach her, to tend her, to give her nourishment, would be the fulfilment of a life affirming task. Perhaps all men were in search of a goddess to worship, he thought. Perhaps men like Edward Brook were victims of a culture that had chosen a different path.

Alexander negotiated the bog land and found himself close to where Alicia lay. She was asleep; he held her head in his hands and checked her breathing. Then he took out the bottle of water and tried to rouse her. She opened her eyes and smiled. He urged her to drink and when she’d done so he kissed her and hugged her and told her that she and the child would be safe.

He lay beside her and took her hand. He felt comfortable now. Perhaps, he thought, they would stay together in the forest, and live in the same way that people lived thousands of years ago. Who would know or care if they did ? And when they were bored of living that way they’d move elsewhere, like nomads, harvesting the earth’s bounty, beholden to no one, no longer fearful of gang-masters, lords, and hard labour in the fruit fields.

Alexander thought these things as the air began to freeze. And when sleep finally overcame him the ground suddenly hardened and the branches of the trees glistened with a thick frost.

It was now that Alicia opened her eyes. She took hold of the knife that she had concealed in her night robe and pushed away Alexander’s hand. Then, after lifting herself to her feet, she returned to Brook manor.