Virtually Reality
By laurak
- 331 reads
Virtually Reality
The words were like a magic sign on my computer screen, waiting for me
when I got home from work:
From: Chris P.
To: 'Newbie'
Subject: Welcome
'Hi, 'Newbie'! I'm Chris. I know what it's like to be in a new place,
so why don't I show you around this town we call cyberspace {g}.
For starters, that {g} means grin!
Hope to hear from you soon'.
'Yes!' I thought, at last someone had taken pity on me. I threw down my
bag on the sofa, did a little dance before sitting down at the computer
and trying to decide what to reply. Since signing up for this whole
Internet lark a week ago and joining some chat groups, all the messages
I'd had were either really dodgy chat-up lines, or from sad geeks.
Still, maybe things were looking up. This Chris sounded human, maybe I
could become friends with the woman. I quickly squashed the little
voice telling me that it didn't seem natural to become friends with
someone you'd never met; who knew what lay behind words, and instead my
thoughts turned, as they had a million times already this past week, to
how I had ended up in this mess. Here I was, a young, attractive,
intelligent woman, and what was the highlight of my week - an e-mail
from a total stranger! How had I sunk so low?! It was all Matt's fault,
I decided, also for the millionth time. Matt, now affectionately
renamed as 'Useless bloke number 3' had decided a month ago that his
modern, attractive, intelligent girlfriend (i.e. me), was not good
enough for him. Oh, no, he'd decided that he wanted his wimpy, skinny,
stupid nineteen-year old office junior instead. God, how cliched was
that? But, still, I'd thought I had a few years to go until I was left
for a younger woman. Not in Matt's case it seemed. Anyway, I was over
him now. I was better off without him. After a year I was free again -
free to go where I wanted, see whom I wanted, do what I wanted. It was
just that now I had no-one to do things with, no-one to go exciting
places with, and I hadn't met a single bloke who I wanted to see for
more than 5 seconds at a time.
It's funny, isn't it? You have this image of being tied down, being
held back, and then when you aren't, you wish you were. It was no fun
going places on my own. Oh of course I had my friends, but it wasn't
the same. Besides most of them were in relationships and those who
weren't always seemed so desperate that I just couldn't bear it. So I'd
reinvented myself as an independent, modern, single, sussed woman, who
didn't need a man to have a good time. But, the truth was, I wasn't
having a good time! It wasn't so much that I missed Matt, I just missed
having someone there.
Then my friend Lucy had told me about these chat groups. They seemed
like a laugh - meet some new people who had similar interests, write
witty e-mails and hide behind a mysterious wall called a computer
screen. I'd logged onto a couple of writing groups, as that was at
least connected to my work - I'm an editorial assistant at one of the
national magazines. And, no I can't tell you which one, you might try
and blackmail me for all the juicy gossip. I'd also joined a couple of
light-hearted singles groups. Lucy reckoned the Internet was a great
way to meet guys. Why she needed to though, I have no idea. Lucy has
guys falling all over her. You know the type - tall, blonde, slim,
giggles a lot. But she said that with the computer she could be anyone
and people wouldn't get a particular image of her. I suppose she's
right. If so, can I be Lucy? Just don't tell anyone, OK?!
So, a reply for my new friend Chris...
To: Chris P.
From: 'Newbie'
Subject: Welcome
'Hi, I was just about to die of boredom and loneliness when I got your
e-mail. So, well done {g}. Ha, ha, don't worry I'm not about to
proclaim myself forever in your debt or anything. Well, not just yet
anyway. Still, I would like to take you up on your offer. You seem like
the first normal person I've met on the Internet. They all seem to be
guys trying dodgy chat-up lines! Do you find that? It's nice to find a
bit of female solidarity.
From 'Newbie'
PS. My real name's Nicola (Nic).'
And, the next day:
To: 'Nic Newbie'
From: Chris P
Subject: Hi!
'Nice to meet you Nic. I'm glad you're still alive {g}. What do you
make of this list then? It's a bit sad, isn't it? What do you do? I'm a
freelance journalist, and I belong to a lot of the writing
newsgroups.'
Brilliant, we even had common interests. This making new friends lark
was easy. Matt? Matt who? I think I've got a new playmate!
To: Chris P
From: Nic
Subject: Work (groan)
'I'm an editorial assistant for a magazine. I've also joined a couple
of the writing newsgroups. I'd love to get into journalism. How did you
start? As for the group, yes it is a bit OTT. I only joined for a
laugh. I've just spilt up with my boyfriend and my friend told me this
was a great way to meet blokes. Probably not a good idea though, I
guess I'm a bit anti-men after Matt had an affair on me! Still, this
list has only turned up crap chat-up lines, and you. As you don't
count, I guess this is the safest bet! Pah, men, anyway, they're
hopeless aren't they?!'
To: Nic
From: Chris P
Subject: Men
'I kind of got the impression you were doing the 'all men are bastards'
bit. Hopeless, well, they do have their uses.
Journalism: I got into it by sleeping with my editor! No, not really,
just luck and hard work. If you're determined I'm sure you'll get
there.'
Wow, someone who's actually encouraging me in my writing. Maybe I'd
e-mail Chris some to read, see if she thought it was any good. Most of
my friends think writing's too much like hard work. If only this Chris
was a guy - he'd probably be my perfect man! There's always a catch,
isn't there?
Days passed, which soon turned into weeks, and we were messaging at
least twice a day. It got so bad that I was rushing home from work to
turn on my computer and check my e-mail before I'd even made a cup of
tea. Whoever would have thought that I'd turn into a techno-geek? It
was just so easy to talk to Chris - from work and annoying colleagues,
to dreams and ambitions, all went down on screen. If there was some
kind of barrier between us because we'd never actually met, then it
seemed to help things, not hinder them. Because there was no external
context, we got straight to the point, and became very fast friends. It
was probably the quickest friendship I'd ever made.
Unfortunately, nearly two months later, work interrupted my new
blossoming friendship, as I was forced to put in overtime. There was
going to be a launch of a new lifestyle section of the magazine, with
the latest news of the best places to eat, drink, shop and go clubbing.
They were organising a launch party for a months' time, and it was my
job to confirm food bookings and entertainment, as well as send the
invites to the freelancers who wrote for us. Terribly exciting, but I
suppose someone has to do it. As a result, it was nearly two weeks
until I had the chance to check my e-mail again. There were several
messages waiting.
To: Nic
From: Chris
Subject: Aaaagggghhhh!
'Today I had the worst meeting ever! Whatever you do, never work for an
editor who fancies you! It's true. All I wanted to do was run a mile
but I needed the job. I was sitting there with my face going redder and
redder. The magazine seemed to think I was a sure thing for a series of
articles - I wonder why! I couldn't meet the poor woman in the face,
when I had to agree. She probably looked like the cat that got the
cream! How could I tell her she wasn't my type?!
Anyway, just had to tell someone. I thought you'd understand {g}. More
news later.'
Well, wasn't that nice and chummy! It wasn't often I got to be the
person someone turned to. I was often too busy doing the turning. But,
here I was, all-new and improved! 'She'? 'She?!' Hmmm, well I guess it
takes all types. Yep, all-new and improved. Oh, look there's another
from later in the same day.
To: Nic
From: Chris
Subject: Us
'Um, after the message I sent earlier, I got to thinking. I feel like
we've become really good friends. But, possibly too fast. I mean I
really enjoy talking to you, we get on great. But, how much do we
really know about each other? We've never even met. I...I think... God,
I don't know. I need to tell you...No, no, it's fine. Doesn't matter.
Ohh, who knew writing could be so hard?!
Ignore this, I'm tired, a bit drunk, and... just ignore me.'
Intriguing! I wondered what was going on. I'd never had a message as
confused as that before. What did she mean, we didn't know anything
about each other? I felt I'd known Chris my whole life. Scrolling down
I noticed the next was from two days later:
From: Chris
To: Nic
Subject: Hello?
'Hi, I hope you didn't worry after that last e-mail. You're not
ignoring me are you?
I was just in a weird mood. How are you? How's work?'
And, the next day:
'Please write. Are you OK? What's going on? I miss your
messages.'
Gosh, she'd really been worried. It hadn't occurred to me to try and
send a quick message to say how busy I was. By the time I'd got in from
work most nights I'd just wanted some food and a bed. Ok, so I had
taken the chance to go out with some old friends, but I needed to let
off steam after work and besides, I hadn't seen them for ages. Damn,
now I felt guilty. Hope Chris is still speaking to me after all
this!
Next came:
'Hello?! Anyone out there? I really miss hearing from you. Have I said
something wrong? Don't ignore me, I'm not as bad as all that! Please,
please write.'
The last was just:
'????????'
Sighing, I tried to compose a suitable apology. Staring into space, I
gained no inspiration. Why was it so difficult? I felt bad, sure, but
it had only been two weeks. It wasn't as if we were going out or
anything. I didn't have to tell Chris everything I did. The more I
thought about it, the more I got annoyed at Chris' desperation. Didn't
the woman have a life of her own? I began furiously typing:
To: Chris
From: Nic
Subject: Lack of contact
'I apologise for the lack of contact. I've had to do overtime for work
and was trying to see some other friends. You have been taking up
rather a lot of my time recently, you know. A couple of them think I've
got a new bloke, I've been spending so much time locked away!
Anyway, thank you for the concern but there was no need. I wasn't
ignoring you, although I'm still puzzled by the strange e-mail. There
was no need to overreact, either. I do have a life. Unlike
some...?'
A reply came the same night:
To: Nic
From: Chris
Subject: Lack of contact
'Uh-oh! The cold-shoulder treatment? I'm sorry I overreacted. Maybe I
do need a life {g}. Consider me properly chastised. I'm just trying to
sort some things out in my life at the moment, so excuse any strange
e-mails. I'm pleased you're alright. So, can we be friends again?
Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top....?'
I laughed. How could I stay angry? It had been good to have some time
apart, and see other friends, even concentrate on work. We had begun
acting like an old married couple, and we'd never even met! Chris was
easily becoming my best friend.
'Ok, ok, anything to stop you moaning! Yes, we're friends. Good, so
catch you later!'
And, just like that, everything was back to normal. Meanwhile, I was
kept busy with the magazine launch. It was turning into quite an
elaborate affair. They were trying to attract some of the national
newspaper columnists, hoping that they would be willing to write for
us. I half wondered whether Chris' name would appear on the invite
list, as she'd mentioned that she occasionally did column pieces for a
couple of them. I don't think she'd ever mentioned which ones though.
It would be great to have the chance to meet Chris in person.
To: Chris
From: Nic
Subject: Magazine
'We're having a special launch next week for a new section of the
magazine - lifestyle, you know, food, drink, shops, clubs, pubs. What's
in, what's out, where's hip! Should be some interesting people there as
we're trying to win over some new freelancers. Shall I try and get you
an invite? It might be useful, you could make some contacts or
something.'
To: Nic
From: Chris
Subject: Magazine
'Thanks, but, no. I'm pretty busy at the moment and I'll be away this
weekend anyway, on business. A freelancer's work is never done! Still,
you have a good time. You might pick be able to pick up some hints. So,
is anyone particularly well-known going to be there?'
To: Chris
From: Nic
Subject: Magazine
'Oh, well, if you're sure. It would have been nice to finally get the
chance to meet you in person. I'll give you all the gory details
tomorrow, as I'll probably be too tired when I get back tonight. Better
go, I still have to decide what to wear. I have the important job of
passing food around tonight. They wanted to save money on waitresses!
Oh, well, an assistant's job is never done {g}.'
PS. A few semi-famous faces. All the goss tomorrow!
That evening, music blaring, and surrounded by pompous-looking people
who I didn't know, I gingerly made my way over to about the fifth small
group of people, carefully balancing my tray of vol-au-vents. Coughing
politely, I sighed inwardly; why did I have to be stuck doing waitress
duties? There were so many important people I could meet tonight, learn
from, make some contacts. The five men turned towards me, equal
expressions of haughtiness on their faces. I had obviously interrupted
something terribly important, like discussing how they were going to
make their next million.
"Vol-au-vent, gentlemen?" I enquired, with my brightest smile. They
took some, murmuring thanks, and immediately closed ranks again. After
standing around looking like an idiot for another five minutes to see
whether I could hear anything useful, I decided that the get-lost vibes
were too much and made my way slowly back towards the kitchen.
"Nicola!" came a shrill shriek, out of no-where, stopping me in my
tracks. I cringed. It was my boss.
"Nicola, wherever do you think you are going with that tray. These
people haven't yet had any food. Get a move on girl, and don't slouch.
It's unprofessional".
Biting back both a reminder that I was not a waitress, and comparisons
to my mother, I rushed to do as I'd been told.
"Vol-au-vent?" I queried a good-looking, dark-haired, tall man who was
standing on his own and, to be perfectly honest, looking very bored.
Maybe the reception here would be somewhat less frosty?
"Oh, er, no. Thank you", he replied. I started to try the next willing,
or should that be unwilling, victim, when he spoke again.
"Wait, uh, is your name Nicola? I thought I heard that woman call
you..."
"Yes, unfortunately. I usually go by Nic. My mother and my boss over
there must be the only people who still call me Nicola", I replied,
with a grimace.
"You work for the magazine?"
"Yes, but I'm only the editorial assistant...", I offered, wondering
what he wanted.
"If you looking for a commission, you'd have to talk...".
"No, I want to talk to you", he replied with a small smile.
"Can I ask why?" I asked, not really wanting to be rude, but wondering
how soon I could make my get-away. He was cute, but what if he was a
Norman-Bates wannabe.
"I'm Ch-Chris Peterson's brother. Jonathon", he replied.
I gasped. Whatever I'd been expecting, it wasn't this. Chris hadn't
even told me she had a brother, let alone one as good-looking as this.
I said as much, well, not the good-looking part.
"Well, Chris told me all about you. Chris couldn't make it here
tonight, so I thought I'd come instead. I'm a writer as well, but I
admit I really came because I wanted to get to know this mysterious
Nic." He proceeded to tell me a couple of things about Chris, to
confirm his identity. He was certainly smooth, but seemed harmless. He
looked around, grimaced, and continued.
"This isn't a line or anything, but, why don't you let you take you
away from all this. We can find somewhere to talk..."
I nodded, beaming at him. What can I say, I'd always been a sucker for
tall, dark, handsome knights in shinning armour.
Several hours later, we were still sat in a little coffee place. It
must have been about, oh, 3am, and I knew the waiters were waiting to
go home. But, I didn't want to leave. It had been an amazing night. All
we'd done is talk, managed some food in amongst chatting and smiling at
each other, but it had been the best night I'd had in ages. Almost
magical. I hadn't felt this way about a guy, since, well, since Matt.
Jonathon and I seemed to have so much in common, and I had to admit, I
fancied him rotten. We'd talked films, books, embarrassing childhoods,
and a lot of other drunken rubbish which always sounds so interesting
when you're merry enough. I was beginning to suspect he felt the same
way about me. Although, maybe the generous amount of red wine I'd drunk
had helped me come to this decision. No, I decided there was definitely
something there between us.
"Maybe we should go", he said reluctantly, dragging me out of my
reverie before I could start on wedding fantasies.
I nodded. "Yeah, I think the waiters are practising to see who can kill
us with their dirty looks first". He grinned and went to pay the bill,
while I just sat and smiled to myself. It was that sort of night. The
smile had barely left my face since we'd left that awful party. Even if
I lost my job for running out like that, this was probably worth it, I
decided.
"I had a great time, but I think I'd better go", he said, as we both
stood staring at the front door of my flat. I almost dropped my keys in
shock. Having somehow managed to keep our hands off each other in the
cab, I had been sure he would want to come in for coffee.
"Oh, ok. You wouldn't like a coffee, then?" I tried, hopefully not too
desperately. This wasn't how evenings like these were supposed to end.
The magic was suddenly drifting away, and I felt a bit lost without it.
What had gone wrong? Wasn't this the part where you were both supposed
to fall into each others arms, hanging on for dear life?! Obviously,
I'd been reading too many romance novels lately. That's what being
single and having way too much time on your hands will do to a girl.
That, and drive her to become an Internet junkie, of course! Did you
know where was some very good fiction on the Internet?!
"No, I...I've got to be up early in the morning. I'll give you a call.
Bye". And with a chaste peck on the check, he was gone, leaving me
standing there still with my mouth half-open. Whether in shock or to
protest, I myself wasn't sure. What I was sure was that I'd had one of
the best nights of my life, with one of the nicest guys I'd ever met,
and I knew I was right when I thought it shouldn't end!
To: Chris
From: Nic
Subject: Last night
'Oh my god, I had the best time last night. You would not believe who I
met! Actually, maybe you would, as he might have told you already. OK,
ready for this?! Your brother! Isn't that amazing? I met him at the
dreadful magazine launch - yes, you were right, you didn't miss much,
and he rescued me and took me out for dinner. We really bonded, if you
know what I mean {g}. But don't worry, he was the perfect gentleman. A
bit too much of one actually. I know no one ever wants to think this of
their brother, but he is really cute! I really like him. Has he said
anything to you about me? He said he'd phone, but after the way he
rushed off...Aaaggghhh, I don't know! I'll never understand men in a
million years.'
To: Nic
From: Chris
Subject: Jonathon
'Sounds you had a much better weekend than I did then. Sorry it's taken
me so long to reply. Urm, look, I'm really glad you had a good time,
but don't rush into anything. It was only one night, remember. The
thing about Jonathon is that, he's really commitment-shy. He hasn't had
a girlfriend lasting for more than about three months. And he's really
nasty about breaking up with them. And, he has to travel a lot, for
work.'
To: Chris
From: Nic
Subject: Jonathon
'As someone wise once commented, 'I think she doth protest too much'!?
I mean, excuse me? This guy is your brother and you act like he's a
heartless bastard. Either you don't know him very well, or I'm the
idiot. For thinking you were my friend! Now, Jonathon and I had a great
time. He was charming, without being too cheesy or slimy, and he was
very attentive. I know it was only one night - I'm not stupid, but
please don't crush this before it even has a chance of going anywhere.
If you think I'm not good enough for your brother, then just say
so'.
From: Chris
To: Nic
Subject: Jonathon
'Ok, ok, you don't have to be so defensive! God, I was being your
friend. What's the matter with you? Of course you're good enough for
him. Do you really like him that much?! Sure it wasn't just the
wine?'
From: Nic
To: Chris
Subject: Friends?!?
'You were being my friend? I'm not so sure. Let me make my own
mistakes. Yes, I really like him, and I thought he liked me too. If he
doesn't, fine. Let him tell me. And, no, it wasn't just the wine! Who
said there was wine anyway?'
From: Chris
To: Nic
Subject: Like
'You really do like him, don't you. Even if he's not perfect. I thought
you'd just got a bit carried away...'
From: Nic
To: Chris
Subject: Like, and love
'God, yes, I fancy him rotten! I had one of the most magical nights of
my life, and yes, that's including all my time with Matt. Do you
believe in love at first sight? I can't stop thinking about him, about
that night. Oh, help!! I think I'm a lost cause. It's been two weeks
and he still hasn't called. Do you think he will?'
From: Chris
To: Nic
Subject: Love
'Wow, that bad, huh? I think he will be in touch, he just has some
thinking to do. I know he had a great time with you. As for love at
first sight, well, I don't know about that, but do you think you can
fall in love without even meeting someone in person?'
From: Nic
To: Chris
Subject: Love
'What?! Is this about some guy you've met on the Internet? Well, go for
it, if you're sure he's not a nutter {g}. I hope you're right about
Jonathon!'
From: Chris
To: Nic
Subject: Love
'Sort of. I've met this person once, and we got on as well in real life
as on the Internet, as well as sparks flying {g}. I don't know how to
tell them I'm falling for them, though'.
From: Nic
To: Chris
Subject: Love
'That's so sweet. Just tell them. If you seem that good together, he
won't mind.'
From: Chris
To: Nic
Subject: Love
'You really think so?'
From: Nic
To: Chris
Subject: Love
'Yes, I really think so! God, you really have it bad, don't you. Good
luck. Now, speaking of which, what about Jonathon? Has he said anything
else to you?'
From: Chris
To: Nic
Subject: Jonathon
'Ok, here goes. Well, the thing is. I'm an only child. Jonathon is me,
I'm Jonathon. I mean, I was the one you went to dinner with. Chris is
short for Christopher. Everything else I told you was the truth. And, I
do think I'm falling in love with you...'.
I was stunned, no, I was flabbergasted. What the hell had he been
thinking?! How could he do that to me! I trusted him, told him things I
would never have told him if I knew he was...well...he was a he. Not to
mention the fact that I totally embarrassed myself at dinner! Oh, god,
he must have been laughing at me the whole night! The bastard. The
absolute bastard! I proceeded to swing violently between anger and
contempt, complete humiliation, and curiosity. He completely humiliates
me, then has the cheek to declare that he 'thinks he's falling in love
with me'! How dare he!! Well, if there was ever a chance that I was
falling for 'Jonathon', he could forget it. Yep, Chris Peterson would
never hear from me again!
Of course, as much as I tried to hide, the e-mails kept coming:
From: Chris
To: Nic
Subject: Hello?
'Nicola, please, please, talk to me. Say anything. Swear, shout, I
don't care. Just don't ignore me, it hurts too much.'
From: Chris
To: Nic
Subject: You
'Don't do this. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wanted to, Ok. I was
scared. Say something, anything. I can't bear this. I meant it. I
really did have a great time when we went out. I think I'm in love with
you.'
Hating myself, my curiosity finally got the better of me. I mean, we'd
got on so well, how could he laugh at me like this! I couldn't stop
thinking about it all, about the great conversations we'd had, about
how well we'd clicked, about how well we'd got on in person, ok, yes,
about how cute he was. It was like a vicious circle. I couldn't help
myself.
From: Nic
To: Chris
Subject: Bastard
'You complete and utter bastard!! How could you do this to me?! You
used me, and didn't trust me, and...I don't know, but other utterly
crap things! Did you have a good laugh? Good fun was it, listening to
me go on and on about someone who doesn't exist?! Is that why you had
such a great time? And don't tell me you love me, you bastard! I bet
you didn't even know what love is! Just tell me why you did it.'
An answer came the next day. It was another four days before I could
bring myself to read it, not knowing what I was more afraid of - an
explanation or just laughter.
To: Nic
From: Chris
Subject: Bastard?
'Thank you so much for replying. Ok, I guess I do owe you explanation.
Please don't hate me. Well, I guess it's a bit too late for that and I
suppose I can't blame you, but I never meant to hurt you. It was just
that we got on so well together, and you just assumed I was a woman,
and I wanted to tell you, but then you were doing your anti-men thing
and I just couldn't. I'm so, so sorry. The longer I left it, the harder
it seemed. Then there was the party and I had to see you. I knew I was
falling for you and I was scared to tell you the truth that night. But,
I did have a wonderful time with you. If you think I don't know what
love is, maybe not, but I know I can't stop thinking about you. I can't
stop smiling whenever I think of you and all I wanted to do that night
was kiss you. Well, not just kiss you, but you can imagine the rest. We
were perfect together, we are perfect together. We know each other so
well. Please can't you give us a chance?'
It just wasn't fair. How could he be so sweet, so caring, and expect me
to stay angry at him?! It was too difficult, because I already knew
that the reason I was so angry was because he'd wormed his way under my
skin, into my heart even. Yeah, it was all so cheesy it was beginning
to stink, but it was true. We were perfect together. Sighing I prepared
a reply, only he would have to be honest from now on if he was going to
be my boyfriend as well as my best friend. What could I say, I was
lost. I'd always been a sucker for a caring friend, and Chris was
definitely a friend indeed.
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