C: February 2004

SUNDAY 1ST


Mum &;amp; dad came up last night. It went quite well but
had to take Joe to the doctor's this morning. He's coughing all night,
we're all exhausted. Well, he's taking penicillin for it
now.


TUESDAY 3RD


Went to the doctor's - I have tonsillitis and she's put me on
penicillin. I seem to have been sick all winter. Horrible, but she says
it is normal for parents of young children. Hopefully I should toughen
up a bit soon. Yeah, right ?!



FRIDAY 6TH


Read 'The Madolescents', by Chrissie Glazebrook. Total
garbage - but I did read it to the end. I wanted to see how bad it
could get, and it didn't disappoint me!



Watching 'I'm A Celebrity?', with blanket coverage it's hard to avoid.



I also like the drama 'Shameless', about a family called the
Gallaghers, living on a council estate in Manchester. It works by not
making any moral judgements and is very funny, not depressing in any
way.



WEDNESDAY 11TH


We've been trying to move Lewis onto beakers - to feed
himself. He resisted it until this afternoon and he did it
perfectly.


Joe is now dressing himself. He talks a lot though not always
that clearly. He's using a few words at a time though he doesn't join
them as such. Like 'Joe - tired - bed' for example.



THURSDAY 12TH


Joe talks to me a lot- he gives me a running commentary on
everything. He's always trying out new words on me. I think he talks to
me more than anyone. I think it's because I understand what he's trying
to say.


FRIDAY 13TH


I'm not getting on well with my mum. She keeps making niggly
comments - about that fact that I haven't sent Georgina a thank-you
letter, although I email her regularly. Or the fact that I've got
central heating and she (my mum) hasn't.



SATURDAY 13TH


We've been together seven years today ? Andy sent me a
Valentine's card.



SUNDAY 14TH


Drove up to Buxton - through the high peak district. Really
beautiful and remote.


Watched a documentary about Shaun Ryder. He has legal
problems and is broke. He's off drugs though. Still very funny and
living next door to Bez. Made me quite nostalgic for Bez and other
bands from the 90s.



Wrote some more of the book. Not writing much lately. I'm not often in
the mood though I think about it a lot. I'm losing it a bit at the
moment. I feel pissed off. Angry.



MONDAY 16TH


My dad rang today. He'd been listening to 'The Archers' and
it reminded him of when I talk about something the boys are doing, and
he'll reply 'You didn't sleep at all at his age' or 'You didn't eat
anything at that age'. It always annoys me and he said that today he
realised how irritating this must be.



TUESDAY 17TH


I must have PMT. My moods are all over the place. I feel
drained of energy. I have headaches every day for 3 or 4 months now.
I'd better start taking supplements again.



WEDNESDAY 18TH


With Joe on holiday, it's harder to keep him occupied - and
to keep him and Lewis apart. I had not realised what a good thing
playgroup is!


Lewis is always grabbing Joe's toys and Joe keeps shouting at
him. But Lewis now eats everything Joe does and is off bottles, which
is a great help.



THURSDAY 19TH


Got an invitation to Grace and Ian's wedding. I'm pleased for
them but I don't think I'll be going. I don't like big parties and tend
to get very stressed out. I hope she'll understand that it's just the
way I am and not a big deal.


FRIDAY 20TH


Saw the doctor about my headaches. She prescribed
anti-inflammatories but they made me sick, so I've gone back on the
Syndol.


Saw a coat I wanted in the Dorothy Perkins sale. Went away to
think about it and when I got back it was gone. I was
gutted.



SATURDAY 21ST


Calmer today thank god. I've been in a bad way lately but
hopefully it's just a temporary blip.



SUNDAY 22ND


Went to Maggie &;amp; Peter's. Lewis was very entertaining
- so funny, everything amuses him. I think they are getting to know Joe
better - he's very sweet and thoughtful.



Enjoyed 'The Alan Clark Diaries' on TV. It's well done and John Hurt is
very good. 'Corrie' has been on top form lately (with the Tracey's baby
storyline). It comes and goes though.



MONDAY 23RD


Bought a pair of trousers but they don't fit. It's that
low-waisted, hipster style and I am quite wide-hipped.


Took Joe to the hairdresser but he refused to cut Joe's hair,
saying he had another appointment. So we walked out. Andy has written a
letter of complaint (he's turning into Victor Meldrew). We got it done
elsewhere and Joe was very pleased with it.


My mum doesn't like Joe getting his hair cut. Kind of odd
because when I was a little girl she wouldn't let me grow my
hair.



TUESDAY 24TH


Read 'Ask The Dust' by John Fante - good. He's not as good as
Bukowski but he's interesting.



WEDNESDAY 25TH


Bought another pair of jeans but they don't fit
either.



THURSDAY 26TH


I still feel bad at times - sometimes I'm OK, but then I fall
apart at the slightest thing. I might go back to the doctor. It's not
so awful to crack up occasionally - maybe I have to do it so I can make
changes. I don't want to slip into it permanently
though.



FRIDAY 27TH


Lewis stood up today (while holding onto a chair). Also I
think he said 'mum'.



SATURDAY 28TH


Watched 'Identity' - not very good I'm afraid, even with John
Cusack. Tries very hard to be strange, in a David Lynch kind of way -
but it's just confusing. No imagination.



SUNDAY 29TH


Phoned Louise - she and Lex are splitting up. After 12
years.