What to do With a Shitty Life

The stars were singing sex
The moon was massaging my face
The night was lying in all of its glory
Trying to pull me into a plastic dream

I walked through a rotting door
Sat down at the shiny bar and felt lonely
I watched men with ego faces
And shiny ivory smiles and bedroom eyes
Talking to glowing white and yellow angels
Wearing daydream beauty

I tried to do the same
I tried to erase my loneliness off a brick wall
I talked to women cordially
They politely talked back
Then turned away and rolled their eyes
Thinking I didn't notice
My black eraser was scuffed
And the black graffiti remained
Loneliness spray painted
All over the brick wall of my vision

I watched crazy men order drinks
They chugged them down and talked to willing angels
The angels in white left the bar
With wannabe sports superstars
Pretending to believe lies
To terminate the night's loneliness
Leaving the bar in imaginary limousines
Black cars moving through the dark blue night

I ordered some poison
Drank it down scratching insides
Bitter bile taste explosion
I ordered more
My taste buds grew numb
Soon my other senses grew numb as well
I noticed the dark grey haze that filled the room

I sat down next to a blurry white angel
Though she may have been grey
My eyes were playing tricks on me
We talked and she didn't roll her eyes
At least I didn't notice if she did
But by the time the night was over
I puked my guts into her face
Fell on the floor in a puddle of thick tan muck
And she left me for a plastic liar
With a thick black wallet

Cops yelled at me and I yelled back
Blue fire shot from my eyes
I left the bar and entered another
Where I spoon fed compliments like cereal
A flattered woman smiled
Her boyfriend shot at me with his eyes
I shot back and wounded him
I smashed my fist into his fragile face
He punched back
And so did five of his friends

Bouncers tossed me into the dark grey street
Everything was blue like space
I was floating in a self-inflicted abyss
Full of puke puddles and cigarette butts and dirt

I tried to enter a bar and couldn't get in
The dark blue door was locked
No one answered my lonely screams
I saw ghost-like women walking in the night
They swiftly rushed away when they noticed me
The night was a swirl of black, blue, and grey

I wandered dazed for years
Everyone ignored me
They wouldn't even make eye contact
I saw my life running away from me
A white unicorn disappearing into the night
The wind whispered promises
And life kept breaking them

I figured maybe I wasn't meant to be alive
I looked around me
Loaded guns lied on the ground next to switchblades
All with my name written on them
I tried to run away and found a metal cliff
Sheer silver falling away into eternity
I thought about jumping

Then a pale white fire blazed inside me
I looked angrily at the dark blue sky
I wouldn't let anything dictate what I could or couldn't do
Not even life itself
I'd go on miserably
Trudging through the blue darkness
Ignoring promises that would later be broken
Burning the candle of blind stubbornness
And calling it hope