King and Jester

THE JESTER AND THE KING
SCENE ONE
QUICKFELLOW'S BEDROOM

AS LIGHT FOCUS ONE COMES UP WE FIND QUICKFELLOW ASLEEP ON HIS BED,
SNORING. GRETA ENTERS FROM ENTRANCE ONE, SINGING WITH A BROOM IN HER
HAND.

GRETA (SINGING)
The fox went out in a hungry plight,
Prayed for the moon to give him light . . .

GRETA NOTICES QUICKFELLOW

GRETA
Wake up, you empty bag of wit;
The sun has hardly risen yet,
And here you are, asleep again.

WITH MOCK SOLEMNITY GRETA KNIGHTS QUICKFELLOW ON THE STOMACH WITH THE
BROOM

GRETA
Arise, Sir Laziest-of-Men!

QUICKFELLOW WAKES UP WITH A START

QUICKFELLOW
Eh? Pondering, just pondering.

GRETA
Well, ponder on this problem then:
Apply your much-acclaimed, great wit
To something that's in front of it;
Your pretty purse is running dry
And we need gold to see us by.

QUICKFELLOW
That's just what I was working on-
For as you note, our gold has gone,
Like dancing dust before the storm,
Like sparkling stars before the dawn.
But how am I to get some more?
Now that's the problem, to be sure.
It is too soon for kingly gift,
And is too late for saving thrift.

GRETA (SARCASTICALLY)
The quickness of your thought, the fine
Swift keenness of your clever mind,
Are truly wonderful to see!
Such brilliance and such clarity!
Such penetrating insight, found
With grasp of all that is profound!
I could have told you that myself!

QUICKFELLOW ( WITH PHONEY DIGNITY )
Dear Nag, you've wasted all the wealth
Bestowed on us by our good king,
At our sad time of marrying,
In three short month of squandering-
With pretty dresses, perfumed airs,
And flashing jewellery from fairs.

GRETA
I like the sound of that! No doubt
You have forgotten all about
Your all-night revelling, your gifts
To short-lived enterprises: lifts
On fortune's road to its dead end.
And all the other coins you spend
With good friends in the gambling trade-
And of your fine clothes, tailor-made.

QUICKFELLOW
The wheel of fortune turns its way,
And what was once is not today.
So, as they say, what's done is done.
No need to quibble, dearest one.
Still, things don't look too good for us.
The way I view the matter's thus-
As yet I dare not ask for more;
The king throws spendthrifts out the door.

GRETA
You'd better think of something fast;
Or else our present state is past.

QUICKFELLOW (DEJECTEDLY)
My mind is blank, my brain is dry.
I see no plans in my thought's eye.
We can't get married once more- that's by-
So all that we can do is die!

QUICKFELLOW SITS DEJECTEDLY ON THE BED BUT SUDDENLY SPRINGS UP AS AN
IDEA STRIKES HIM

QUICKFELLOW
Greta, Greta, that's it! Let's die!

GRETA (IRONICALLY)
Quickfellow wait; just let me try
To guess- this worry's warped your brain,
And now you're really quite insane.
We need to live so we should die:
We need to laugh so we should cry,
Or rest our legs by a mountain climb.

QUICKFELLOW
No, no! I've really got a plan this time.
Now listen closely to my pretence.
I'll seek a special audience
With his most royal Majesty.
All onion-teared, in misery,
I'll tell him how you passed away,
Most sadly, only yesterday.
Yes, you have gone- so I'll relate-
A victim of a cruel fate,
And after dearest treatment too . . .
For only the best of all would do,
And that, of course, took all our gold.

GRETA
Where's all this leading, dear Sir Bold?

QUICKFELLOW
Oh, Greta, come now, don't you see!
True brilliance is bound to be
Built on a strong simplicity.
I'll have to ask his Majesty
For gold to bury you, as is fit,
I'm sure he won't mind giving it.
He won't mind paying properly
In such a time of tragedy.

GRETA
Well, mind you don't end hanging loose
Upon the end of a hangman's noose.

QUICKFELLOW
No fear, my love. no fear of that!
I won't end up the one who's flat.
Indeed, to be quite sure of my prediction,
I'll play my part with real conviction.
So it shall be! Now you lie low
And off with my sad news I'll go.

GRETA
All right, I'll vanish from court view.
I'll disappear from day; but you
Take greatest care to sound quite true!

GRETA GIVES QUICKFELLOW A KISS AND SHE EXITS VIA ENTRANCE ONE.
QUICKFELLOW CROSSES TO EXIT ONE, SINGING.

QUICKFELLOW (SINGING TO HIMSELF)
A fox went out in a hungry plight,
Prayed for the moon to give him light,
For he'd many a mile to trot that night
Before he could reach his den-o, den-o, den-o;
He'd many a mile to trot that night
Before he could reach his den-o. . .

QUICKFELLOW EXITS. LIGHTS FADE

SCENE TWO
THRONE ROOM. AS LIGHT FOCUS TWO COMES UP WE FIND KING FREDERICK ON HIS
THRONE WITH DODDERPUSS ATTENDING HIM

FREDERICK
Does any courtier crave to be heard
For judgement by the royal word?

DODDERPUSS
Your Highness, none but a worthless, cunning sort.

FREDERICK
I have no worthless man in court.
Who do you mean, old Dodderpuss?
No- do not answer, I can guess!
My jester Quickfellow wakes your scorn;
Though but a harmless, pleasing pawn,
Untroubled by affairs of state-
A joker whose quick wits create
Diversions from the cares of power,
And laughter in a carefree hour.
And sometimes through light foolery
We see a truth more totally:
Our viewpoint's changed, we drop false pride
And see things from another side.
So what's he do to earn your hate?
Go now, and bid him enter straight!

DODDERPUSS (BOWING STIFFLY)
Yes, right away, your Majesty.

FREDERICK (ALONE, MUSING)
All foolishness and trickery
Does not come clothed in motley dress.
But often, like old Dodderpuss,
Parades itself with pompous airs,
Self-spun importance and proud stares.

DODDERPUSS ENTERS, FOLLOWED BY QUICKFELLOW

DODDERPUSS
Master Quickfellow.

QUICKFELLOW (BOWING)
Your Highest Majesty!

FREDERICK
Well, what is this? What's this I see?
A stooping grief, a face of woe,
A quivering lip, the eyes' moist flow-
No jesting quickens your mind today,
You look quite stricken by dismay.

QUICKFELLOW (WITH PATHOS)
I fear that sad news brings me here,
Your Highness, for I've lost my dear;
The only jewel of my days
Has vanished from my grieving gaze-
My dearest dear has left this life,
My dearest, darling, little wife!
My gentle dove has flown away
Into the endless blue of day!
My sweetest sweet, my only love,
Has gone to that vast realm above!
Yes, after all the best and most
Expensive treatment, stinting no cost,
My own good Greta passed away,
Most sadly, only yesterday.

FREDERICK
There is but one thought for your pain:
Our earthly loss is heaven's gain.
True faith can temper your distress
As time goes by. Consider this:
We all must die one day, you know.

QUICKFELLOW (HASTILY)
Ah yes, indeed, indeed that's so.
However, I'm still weighed down with woe;
The cost of trying to keep life's hold
On her has gobbled down my gold,
And I have nothing left at all
To give her decent burial.

FREDERICK (TO DODDERPUSS)
Go; give him some gold immediately.

QUICKFELLOW
A thousand thanks, your Majesty.

QUICKFELLOW BACKS OUT BOWING PROFUSELY. HE EXITS VIA ENTRANCE TWO.
DODDERPUSS GOES TO FOLLOW HIM.

DODDERUSS (TO HIMSELF, ANGRILY)

More money for the thieving-bold:
A sorry tale becomes good gold!

DOODERPUSS EXITS

FREDERICK (WITH A SIGH)
And so my jester has no smile;
And will not have for quite a while.
The grim-faced, bony dancer bests
The laughing life of jokes and jests.

FREDERICK EXITS, SHAKING HIS HEAD. LIGHTS FADE.

SCENE THREE
QUICKFELLOW'S BEDROOM. AS LIGHT FOCUS ONE COMES UP, WE FIND GRETA
SITTING ON BED

GRETA
I wonder how Quickfellow's faring:
With gold or trouble for his daring.
High in his growing tree of schemes
He's on a thinner branch of dreams.
In reaching for the last, gold apple
He must take care he doesn't topple.
He must not break what he has bent
With scheming that's too confident!

QUICKFELLOW ENTERS VIA ENTRANCE ONE, CARRYING A SMALL SACK IN HIS HAND.
HE PLACES THE SACK ON THE BED WITH AN AIR OF TRIUMPH.

QUICKFELLOW
Much richer than I went, I come!
A perfect ploy, my dearest one-
IT worked just like s smooth scene played,
Perfected by the actor's trade
So I return, as I foretold-
A hundred pieces of pure gold!

GRETA (WITH A SMILE)
You think that's clever. Then see this.
SHE PULLS OUT TWO SACKS FROM BENEATH THE BED
Two hundred! Not a fraction less!

QUICKFELLOW
What! What! How did you conjure that!
You've really knocked my posing flat.

GRETA
A perfect ploy, my dear. You see
The mirror of your trickery;
I've twice supplied our golden lack-
Just your idea turned on its back.
I thought that two might try this scheme;
So went, sad-widowed, to the queen,
And told her of your cruel demise,
With quavering voice and tear-stained eyes-
And came back with the golden prize.

QUICKFELLOW (LAUGHING)
Oh Greta, you're really worse than me!
You've grown well versed in villainy.
A THOUGHT STRIKES HIM
By now our case gains complication-
Your news will carry no relation
To mine when their Majesties
Compare diverging destinies.
Two tales and neither of them true-
It's bound to mix a deadly brew.
I'd thought to prop up this pretence
While I dreamed up a good defence.
So now we have no time to waste,
We must be off in greatest haste.
The king and queen are meeting soon,
As usual, in the afternoon.
Let's hurry now and pack our things,
We needs must grow migrating wings.

GRETA
Yes, we must move immediately-
Time tells of tales' disparity.

QUICKFELLOW GOES TO GATHER THE SACKS, BUT GRETA WITH A SLIGHT PETULANCE
TAKES HER TWO. THEY EXIT VIA ENTRANCE ONE, LIGHT FOCUS ONE FADES.

SCENE FOUR
THE THRONE ROOM
AS LIGHT FOCUS TWO COMES UP WE FIND KING FREDERICK AND QUEEN FREDERICA
ENTERING AND GOING OVER TO SIT ON THEIR THRONES.
DODDERPUSS AND LADY SMALLTALK IN ATTENDANCE

FREDERICK
But Frederica, my own dear,
I'm telling you that he was here!
One's own good ears, one's own clear eyes,
Would seem fair witness to the wise.
What you relate ties riddle's knot:
What cannot be, can not- is not.
They cannot both be drawing breath
And silent in the still of death.
So dearest, I can only deem
What you relate a wakeful dream.
Let's please pursue some slight degree
Of sense and logicality.

FREDERICA
So like a man! He must become
Infallibility's own son!
While woman cannot have the wit
To read one line of truth's own writ.
No, Frederick, I'm telling you
That all I'm telling you is true:
She visited this very day.
Not three, short hours have slipped away
Since Greta came to me and said
Her dearest husband was quite dead.
All widow-worn and weeping-eyed
(Her man spent all before he died)
She'd neither gold nor jewellery
To see him buried properly.

FREDERICK
I understand you feel quite sure,
However, as I said before,
You must be dreaming, dearest one!
Quickfellow seemed quite overcome
When he set forth his woe to me:
And he produced a similar plea.

DODDERPUSS
Permission to speak, your Majesty.

FREDERICK
Permission granted, Dodderpuss.

DODDERPUSS (EAGERLY)
Perhaps I could. . .look into this,
And make a call of sympathy
To find who's really. . .dead, you see.

FREDERICK
Of course, why not? So it may be.
Go; bring the answer back to me.

DODDERPUSS
Yes, right away, your Majesty.

DODDERPUSS BOWS, SHOWING OBVIOUS EAGERNESS.
FREDERICK RISES, TAKING FREDERICA'S HAND

FREDERICK
Come, Frederica, we shall wait;
The facts shall soon end all debate.
And what is true then all shall see
As true in truth's simplicity.

FREDERICK AND FREDERICA EXIT, FOLLOWED BY LADY SMALLTALK

DODDERPUSS COMES FORWARD

DODDERPUSS (ALONE)
At last a chance has come my way,
Oh, perfect, pleasing, joyous day,
To catch that jesting ratbag out. . .
His tale is false, I have no doubt.
My nose detects a nasty pong;
I'm sure somehow that something's wrong!
I'll teach him to make a mockery
Of courtiers with his trickery.
Why should he be paid for idle days
Of laughter, jokes and jesting ways?
I'll pin him firmly in his place
And wipe the smirk right off his face
I'll foul this little trick of his-
I'll show what sort of man he is.

DODDERPUSS EXITS. LIGHT FOCUS TWO FADES.

SCENE FIVE QUICKFELLOW'S BEDROOM
AS LIGHT FOCUS ONE COMES UP WE FIND GRETA LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM

GRETA (TO HERSELF)
The hours turn towards the rise of night
Which brings obscuring of the light;
The blue becomes star-patterned sphere,
And under its cover we'll get clear.
Beneath the shelter of the dark,
The cloak of sleep, we shall depart
For other lands, for other days,
With gold to pave our laughing ways.
So I should hurry up and be
Prepared for our good odyssey;
I must be finished packing soon-
Do I need anything from this room?

GRETA CONTINUES SEARCHING. QUICKFELLOW ENTERS IN OBVIOUS AGITATION FROM
EXIT ONE, LOOKING OUT TOWARDS AUDIENCE RIGHT.
HE TURNS HURRIES TOWARDS THE BEDROOM

QUICKFELLOW
By hell's black hounds, what shall I do?
I've really thrown us in the stew!

GRETA
What's wrong with you? You look so pale:
As if a ghost were on your trail.

QUICKFELLOW
Much worse, much worse is what I've seen!
Oh, what a feeble fool I've been!
You see, I've just seen Dodderpuss
Quick-tottering down the road towards us.
That nasty, nosy, telltale nit
Has sniffed the scent of my deceit.
He's seized his chance with our parading
Of puzzling griefs, and thus persuading
King Frederick to send him out
To check my story's deal of doubt.
Let's see. . .let's see, there's one wild chance:
We called the tune, we'll join the dance!
Or turning terms another way,
I shall impress with grief's display!
Quick- throw yourself down on the bed,
And lie there still, like one who's dead.
I'll pull this sheet right over you,
And hide you wholly from his view.

GRETA
I'll be so still I'll strike belief-
But you must be most moved by grief!

GRETA THROWS HERSELF ON THE BED. QUICKFELLOW PULLS UP THE SHEET, THEN
GETS DOWN BY THE SIDE OF THE BED, READY TO LAMENT

QUICKFELLOW
As soon as he trots into view
My tears will start, so hot and true.

AS SOON AS HE SEES DODDERPUSS HE STARTS LAMENTING. DODDERPUSS HAS
ENTERED VIA ENTRANCE TWO AND HE COMES DOWN AND AROUND THE SCREEN TO THE
BED.

QUICKFELLOW (LAMENTING)
Oh how I cry, oh how I sigh,
Right to the broad and dusk-red sky!
For disappearing is the day,
And my light too has gone away!
My dearest dear, now we're apart,
Oh, grief, oh grief just grips my heart!
My little love, now you're laid low,
My soul is so weighed down with woe!
My sorrow is an aching load,
To bear on life's long, bitter road!
Oh, now you're dead, my dearest wife,
How empty seems the rest of life!

DODDERPUSS
Excuse my interruption, sir-
I've come here as a messenger. . .
That is to say. . .not of. . .new news,
But of His Majesty's grave views.
In short, to speak my purpose swiftly,
That is. . .condense the matter briefly-
His Majesty, His Royal Highness,
Great be His Realm, in all its fineness,
The King, that is, said to convey,
In further measure than his way
In audience had seemed to say,
Deep sympathy on this dark day.

QUICKFELLOW
Oh, Dodderpuss, what shall I do?
The grief just pierces me right through!

QUICKFELLOW THROWS HIMSELF ON DODDERPUSS, HIS ARMS AND HANDS PAWING AT
HIM SUFFICIENTLY TO MAKE HIM UNSTEADY

DODDERPUSS (HURRYING TO EXTRACT HIMSELF)
Please pardon me, I do not know
Quite what to say about your woe.
I've given you my message, so
I must be gone, I'm bound to say. . .
For I have much to do today,
So I must get back right away!

DODDERPUSS EXITS HURRIEDLY VIA EXIT TWO QUICKFELLOW GOES OUT TO SEE HIM
GO

QUICKFELLOW (TO HIMSELF)
I'm truly glad to see you go,
You sneaking, prying so-and-so.

TO GRETA

Well, that is that! Once more we're free
To finish packing now and flee.

GRETA (RISING)
When we are many miles from here,
It's then I'll feel we're in the clear;
I do not trust their Majesties
To let us rest in simple ease.

QUICKFELLOW (TURNING BACK TO THE BEDROOM)
You may be right, indeed you may!
We'll finish packing right away.

SUDDENLY QUICKFELLOW NOTICES SOMETHING ELSE, OFF AUDIENCE RIGHT

By all the powers of heaven, no!
Our trouble doubles in one blow!

GRETA
What is it now? Why do you stand
Like one who sees doom near at hand?

QUICKFELLOW
Another unwelcome, prying bore
Will soon be calling at our door.
That gossipy, old bag of air,
Your mistress Smalltalk, is over there;
And carefully coming a different way
From master Dodderpuss, I'd say.
The queen has sent her here, I guess.
She doesn't trust old Dodderpuss,
She thinks that he will just report
What fits the king's own favoured thought.
We'd better act, she's getting near!

GRETA JUMPS UP FROM SITTING ON BED

GRETA
I know the queen; she hopes to hear
A different tale from her old horse!
And there she's right- she will, of course!
For differing report delays
Perception of our cheating ways;
Their majesties can argue on-
For very soon we shall be gone.
Our fortunes wheel like birds in the sky;
Come on, it's your turn now to die.

GRETA AND QUICKFELLOW QUICKLY CHANGE PLACES

GRETA (LAMENTING)
Now you are dumb, oh, dearest one,
Now you've fled life, now you are gone,
Oh woe is heaped on hopeless woe-
Now that your soul's gone down below!
My foolish love and loving fool,
Now subject to tormenting rule!
Oh, husband dear, you've left your wife,
How empty seems the rest of life!

AS SHE HAS BEEN SPEAKING LADY SMALLTALK HAS ENTERED

LADY SMALLTALK
My pretty, dear, young-featured thing,
Still sipping from life's joyful spring,
I'm sad to see you sorrowing;
I grieve to see you wrapped in grief-
We must be brave that's my belief!
In fact, the queen has sent me here
To try to comfort you, my dear.
So take this now and dry your eyes;
One wrinkles more, the more one cries.

LADY SMALLTALK OFFERS HER A HANDKERCHIEF

GRETA
Lady Smalltalk, what shall I do?
The grief just pierces me right through!

GRETA THROWS HERSELF ON LADY SMALLTALK AS QUICKFELLOW DID TO
DODDERPUSS.

LADY SMALLTALK
Control yourself, dear. After all,
Don't take this wrongly now, my girl,
You could find better any day-
That is, you see, I mean to say,
There are many men, fine dukes and such,
Who might be well within your clutch.
The Good Lord gives and takes away-
But tomorrow is another day!
For such is life. Our present woes
Seem ever smaller as time goes.
No need to waste your younger years
On storms of sighing and of tears.

GRETA BACKS TOWARDS THE BED

GRETA (ARCHLY)
I guess you're right there, in a way:
A spendthrift fool on holiday,
That's how he's lived and now he's paid
The price of endless masquerade.
Though I'd implore him to improve
And run within a steady groove,
Wise words are wasted on the ear
That never hears when trouble's near.
No doubt I could do better than
That thoughtless, ever-jesting man.

HIDDEN BY GREAT AND THUS UNSEEN TO LADY SMALLTALK, QUICKFELLOW SWIFTLY
SLAPS GRETA ON THE BOTTOM FOR THIS LAST REMARK. GRETA REACTS WITH A
LOOK OF SLIGHT SHOCK. LADY SMALLTALK TURNS BACK TO HER AND NOTICES HER
CHANGE OF MOOD

LADY SMALLTALK
I see you're feeling better now!
No need to lose each lovely hour
In sorrow when there's much to do!
I knew you'd see my point of view.
No point in fretting for what's flown;
Far better seeing what you own.
The future furthers those who choose
To use whatever they can use.
You have to pluck the best each day
From twists of fate that come your way.
Well- I must hurry off, my dear;
Queen Frederica is eager to hear
Some news of how you're feeling now.

GRETA
Oh, thank you for calling at this sad hour.

LADY SMALLTALK EXITS. QUICKFELLOW SITS UP ON THE BED

QUICKFELLOW
How that old galleon does rattle;
Her sails puffed-out with spite and prattle!
She loves to sail near to the fray
And let her cannons blast away!
Still, now she's gone, we'd best lie low
And wait until the storm clouds go.
We cannot try to run just yet.

GRETA (THOUGHTFULLY)
The fish is tangling in the net;
Our ship is running on the rocks;
The hounds are closing on the fox;
The mouse has seen the traps are set.
I hope their Majesties forget
This matter of who's dead or not.

QUICKFELLOW
They haven't yet quite yet sprung the plot.
Don't worry love, we'll find a way
To slip the problems of this day.

GRETA
I hope that your hope's justified,
Or we'll be well and truly fried!

GRETA EXITS

QUICKFELLOW (TO HIMSELF)
Yes, it is easy to seem calm;
But calm is no defence from harm.

SINGING SOFTLY TO HIMSELF FROM THE FOX AS HE STRAIGHTENS THE BED

Now John he ran to the top of the hill,
And he blew a blast both loud and shrill,
Said the fox, "That's very pretty music, still
I'd rather be in my den-o, den-o, den-o."
Said the fox, "That's very pretty music, still
I'd rather be in my den-o."

LIGHTS DIM. HE EXITS.

SCENE SIX
THE THRONE ROOM. AS LIGHT FOCUS TWO COMES UP, WE FIND KING FREDERICK
AND QUEEN FREDERICA ON THEIR THRONES.

FREDERICK
Well now, my dear, the truth shall be
Revealed in all its clarity-
My messenger returns to me.
Now, once and for all, we shall see
Which one of our once-happy pair
Has flown forever from earthly care.

DODDERPUSS ENTERS

Come Dodderpuss, now did you find
Which one has left this life behind?

DODDERPUSS
Indeed I did, your Majesty.
It is. . .the wife, undoubtedly.

FREDERICK (SMUGLY)
Well, there you are, my dear, you see
It is the wife- undoubtedly!

FREDERICA (CROSSLY)
There's only one thing that's quite clear:
You're just told what you want to hear.
I won't rely on that old stick!
POINTING TO DODDERPUSS
He won't trip me with his weak trick!
You know he's only pleasing you-
You see, I know it can't be true.

LADY SMALLTALK ENTERS

Ah, Lady Smalltalk, I'm glad you're back;
On strictest oath, just give the facts.
So tell us all, now you've been round,
Just what is it that you have found.

LADY SMALLTALK (BOWING)
Your Majesty, just let me say,
The husband's dead, it's clear as day.

FREDERICK
As clear as day you say to me-
As dark as night it seems to be.
But those who hold the power of state
Must keep a clear head in debate.
And in all things clear wisdom sees
That true impossibilities
Just cannot be; and so must test
Alternatives to find what's best.
This foolish matter bothers me
With challenge of absurdity.

WITH SUDDEN DECISION

Thus I'll not let this matter be,
But lift the veil of mystery!
And so it is I'll find who's right
Or I'll not rest in bed tonight.

TO DODDERPUSS

Go; ready the fastest coach for me;
My queen and I shall go and see
If we can trace the golden thread
That leads to truth's clear fountainhead
Through all the muddy maze of doubt.
When we're both there we shall find out
This riddle's reason which unlocks
The single truth in paradox.

FREDERICK AND FREDERICA EXIT, LEAVING LADY SMALLTALK STARING AFTER
THEM. LIGHTS FADE.

SCENE SEVEN
QUICKFELLOW'S BEDROOM.
AS LIGHT FOCUS ONE COMES UP WE FIND QUICKFELLOW ON HIS BED.

QUICKFELLOW (REFLECTIVELY)
Although we cannot run just yet,
For things are far too hot for that-
The rabbit hugs to briar hedge
While ever the fox still roams the edge;
We can't stay here a long time, for
We cannot even cross the door
And thus appear in public view.
But shortly, when the fuss is through,
We'll take upon us some disguise
And slip away from prying eyes,
And set up in another place,
With another name for this old face.
But, for the present, all seems clear.

GRETA RUSHES IN, GESTURING FRANTICALLY

QUICKFELLOW
The cat has eaten your tongue, my dear?

GRETA (BLURTING IT OUT)
The king and queen themselves have come.
You fool! Now look what you have done!

QUICKFELLOW
Please pardon if I need correction-
Was I alone in this deception?

GRETA GOES TO ANSWER

QUICKFELLOW
Scratch that! No time for long debate!
What can we do? We can't escape!
Oh, have we left it all too late!

THINKING

The king is calling at our gate-

HE HAS A SUDDEN DESPERATE THOUGHT

We'll greet him in our proper state.
In other words, lie down while I
Lie by your side; we both shall die.

GRETA
You're right! There's nothing left to do
But show them both, we both are through.

THEY LIE DOWN QUICKLY AND QUICKFELLOW DRAWS THE SHEET RIGHT OVER THEIR
HEADS. FREDERICK AND FREDERICA ENTER, FOLLOWED BY DODDERPUSS

FREDERICK
Well now, my dear, at last we'll see
The answer to this mystery.

HE LOOKS AROUND

Two bodies here now, it would seem.
So what on earth does all this mean?

DODDERPUSS
Perhaps. . . he. . .died from his distress.

FREDERICA (FIRMLY)
You mean, she died, old Dodderpuss.

FREDERICK (MUSING)
I need a weathervane to show
Which way the winds decide to blow.
As what is true is surely true-
Another answer comes in view.

SLYLY

If anyone came back to life,
I wouldn't wish that they died twice.
In fact, I'd give this diamond ring
To know the truth about this thing.

HE TAKES A RING FROM HIS FINGER

QUICKFELLOW (PEEPING OUT SIDEWAYS FROM UNDER THE SHEET)
Your Majesty, may I oblige?
My wife, who's lying by my side,
Has suddenly recovered breath
And woken from apparent death.
And so the truth, it would appear,
Is that we're both still really here!

QUICKFELLOW SLIDES OUT, LEAPS UP, AND TAKES GRETA BY THE HAND, SHE
RISES. THEY BOW.

FREDERICA (WITH A SMILE)
And so the truth is found at last:
That both are present and not past.

FREDERICK (WITH A LAUGH)
Yes, that's the truth. I might have guessed
All this was but a crafty jest!

DODDERPUSS (FURIOUS)
Justice! I demand he die
For weaving this disgraceful lie!

FREDERICK (LAUGHING LOUDER AT DODDERPUSS' ANGER)
Yes, justice shall be done in this!

TO QUICKFELLOW

You are my jesting clown, no less?

QUICKFELLOW (NODS AND BOWS)
With that position I am blessed.

FREDERICK
And thus for jesting you are paid?

QUICKFELLOW
Your Majesty, that is my trade.

FREDERICK
And this was all a jest you made?

QUICKFELLOW
Indeed, Your Highness, that is so-
A trick, a joke, a little show.

FREDERICK
And yet indeed a teaching too,
Instructing us in what is true.
For even if it was not planned,
It's shown a blindness of command.
The half of truth each time we got,
And yet that half at once forgot.
If we had not been blinded by
Delight in arguing, the lie
Would not have worked so readily-
Truth would have been seen easily.
Thus we can learn opinion's worth
Is just a pinch of dusty earth!

GIVING HIM THE RING

So take this ring as pay from me,
But in future spend more sparingly.
For all that you have conned this day
I shall regard as future pay
For some years' jesting and merriment
That I'll expect you to present.

WITH A BROAD GESTURE
Come all, let us continue now
This merry start to night's first hour.

KING FREDERICK TAKES FREDERICA'S HAND AND THEY EXIT, FOLLOWED BY
DODDERPUSS, STILL GRUMBLING TO HIMSELF. GRETA FOLLOWS THEM. QUICKFELLOW
POCKETS THE RING AND STARTS TO EXIT, SINGING THE FOX , WHICH WE HEAR
TILL IT FADES AWAY ON THE LAST LINE.

QUICKFELLOW (SINGING)
Then the fox and his wife, without any strife,
Cut up the goose without fork or knife.
They'd never had such a good meal in their life
And the little ones chewed on the bones-o, bones-o, bones-o;
They'd never had such a good meal in their life
And the little ones chewed on the bones-o.

LIGHTS FADE.
THE END.