Life's Sickness

Life's Sickness

Maylee whispers to Chao, "Shhh! Quiet, my old man is sleeping." In the
same motion she rips the cloths off her without a pause.

Chao is new at lovemaking and respires out of rhythm. May Lee pauses to
exam Chao. He notices and quickly apologizes, wanting to be a baptized
man. Once this ritual is over, he'll be proud. He wants to be a
non-virgin but just couldn't find the right girl until tonight. He has
been left brokenhearted all his life so it is important that he gives
his love to the right girl. Though he only knew Maylee for a couple
weeks. He wants her completely and wishes she felt the same about him.
Of the few things in his world, Maylee is one that motivates him to
change his lifestyle. He knows that when they are apart, he feels like
he needs her as the drought needs the rain. Chao isn't sure if Maylee
would heal his wounds. He hopes that she will as he cuddles her tight
in his arms.

***

A poor kid growing up in the projects without his father, Chao and his
younger siblings lived with their mother on public assistance for
fourteen starving years. Chao dreamt of owning a farm of his own. Maybe
somewhere out in the Carolinas, away from gangs, away from starving
childhood memories. On his farm would run a brook where he could fish
with children of his own. He would teach them the way of the Hmong like
his old man once did. Due to lack of nutrition he was short for his age
and stood only five feet. He had a round mouse face and small eyes. He
knew his disadvantage and worked out often to gain his stocky
build.

The people who encircled Chao say he's more then a thug. He had a
hidden kindness that appeared when least expected. A few weeks ago
during a storm he gave two old Hmong ladies a ride. They declined his
offered at first. They were afraid to accept such an offer from a thug
but it rained like a monsoon so they accepted it. Chao didn't realize
the ladies had so much junk and grocery bags. Stick and Chuie was in
the car with him but he made them waited at the stinking bus shelter to
make room. Folks that know call him the Iron Chef. He picked up a knack
for cooking since he left home. "I couldn't just live off of people;
sooner or later they would kick me out. So I learned how to cook. It
increases my value to a home and my chance of having a roof over me."
he once told his friends.

In the past Chao could whip up chicken curry, ribs as delicious as
Famous Daves, and Pho as tasty as any noodle joint along University
Avenue. Parents in homes where he lived enjoyed his cooking and helping
hands. But his random rage and gang-nature mentality steered them away
from his gifts. Like his mother, sadly they ask Chao to leave their
homes for safety concerns. It didn't used to be like that. Chao just
wanted acceptance, he wanted to contribute and to belong. He wanted his
mother to have one less mouth to feed in his broken home. But as time
went on his involvement with gangs escalated and he couldn't get out.
He created a world for himself where there are no rules. Now he
understands there may never be any rules for surviving the streets but
it seem too late for him.

***
On lonesome nights Chao often lies in the shadow of his life wondering
about his father, who left the family when Chao was eight. He couldn't
figure out the equation of why other parents fight and go on living
together. For his parents, they did not come out staying together. He
wondered why the answer for his equation always equals out to be
emptiness and regrets. He never knew how much his father meant to him
until now. He wondered if he had told his father how much his father
meant to him, maybe his father would have stay with the family all
these years.

Sometimes, Chao drove by his old house and let memories, fresh like
salt, flush through him. High on emotions, he would pull the car along
the side and smoke a few cigarettes. There, in the car away from the
world, he imagined his father dancing in the rain with his siblings,
just like how it once was long ago. He closed his eyes and drifted away
with the smoke into the past. In dream like visions he saw his father
and the kids singing and dancing outside in the summer rain. They
marched up and down like soldiers in the front yard. They opened their
mouths and tried to catch the rain. They stared into the sky to see
where the rain was falling. The rain dropped into their little faces
and into their eyes. Unable to see clearly, they laughed at each
other's unsuccessful attempts. They held hands in the front yard making
a big circle. Round and round they turned beneath the purple sky.

When he realized each and every raindrop that brushed against him was
laden with memories of his youth. The rain became invaluable to him.
What he found is that these raindrops soaked into the earth, into
streams and rivers. There they evaporate into heaven where they are
stored for safekeeping. During the rain season each year, the raindrops
fall singing songs of his youth. They sing of the day Chao and his
family made a big circle, holding hands, round and round. He has come
to appreciate the rains in his life, which offered him asylum and
friendship. From the dept of this friendship, Chao found hope that he
will see his father once again.

***

Before he came over to Maylee's place. He was at IQ's house. Chao had
been staying at IQ for a month now. They were homeboys and Chao trusted
him with his life. The two were smoking outside after dinner. After a
few puffs, he suddenly said to IQ. "Dang homes, I gotta tell ya
something. Last night I dreamt that my father came back home. It was
the shit, man! In my dream, I saw myself sleepin'. Then I heard rotor
blades outside my window. I looked out and I saw my father ridin' a
chopper. The chopper was landin' in our front yard. I could see my
father in his Army fatigues lookin' through the window and waving at
me. I was happy to see my father, I missed him so much, dawg. I jumped
off my bed and ran as fast as I could to meet him."

IQ laughed and said, "Is that why you stormed out of my room to get the
door?"

"It ain't funny, fool. It was so real I didn't know it was dream until
I got to your door and realized it ain't the door at my old
house."

"I am just trippin' with ya, you know that. Listen man, your dad will
come back."

I don't think I had ever had a dream with him coming home. What do you
think the dream meant?" Chao asked.

I don't know Chao. Maybe it meant something good, who really know? I
dreamt of getting killed all the time and look at me. I am still here
talking with ya." IQ chuckled.

They finished their smokes and IQ went back into the house. After IQ
left, Chao went and sat on the swing in the back yard, the rusty aged
swing set that had stood there forever. He sat there with his right
shoulder resting on the chain, head down as if he was counting the
sand. He had one leg over another, right foot gently pushing against
the sand. Each time the chains swung they made a lonesome squeak. There
he was, nothing but the sunset over his head, the swing, and the rusted
sound. Many thoughts came into his mind. What had gone wrong? Wishing
he didn't know now what he didn't know then. Why his heart ached at the
sight of his friends talking to their fathers, asking for advice, the
man-to-man talk. Deep feelings of dissatisfaction ran through his mind.
Why can't he be like other sons? Why do parents bring children into the
world if they aren't going to stay with them? Why does he feel like
it's his fault his father left? Why didn't his father at least talk to
him one last time before leaving? So many whys left unanswered, missing
the love between a father and his son. Chao couldn't hold back the
tears anymore as they effortlessly forced their way unto his cheeks.
They ran down his face heavy as boulder smashing the sand beneath. He
looked into the sky with despise, clinching his teeth to hide his
crying. Then tightened his fists in rage ready to take on his maker,
willing to end his burden of guilt and depression once and for
all.

***

In the darkness of Maylee's room not even the stars couldn't shine thru
to them as they caress and kiss carefully, not missing a spot. Maylee's
room was three doors down the hall from her parents. Her life was the
opposite of Chao. She had everything money could buy. Her family was
wealthy. Her mother drove an ivory Lexus LX470 and her dad a full size
black Toyota Tundra. They live in a gigantic two-story home in an all
white neighborhood in Woodbury. Her family had a reputation within the
Hmong community not to mess with. Her father, Nao Phia, was a hungry
businessman who ran a monopoly of oriental stores, Hmong auto shops,
and slaughterhouses. During the war his close friend Fr. General Vang
Yang appointed him Colonel, because he channeled money from opium sales
to support Vang Yang's troop. To date he has received many praises from
his surrounding peers at the Clans Council. He could not afford to lose
face because of Maylee's misbehaviors. Maylee's father was a tall thin,
dark-faced old man, his forehead shiny at certain angles. His low
strong accent matches his dry stick-like fingers. He set high standards
for himself all his life and stopped at nothing until he reached them.
He expected a lot out of Maylee, nothing less then the first Hmong
genetic engineer.

***

Maylee had other ideas of her own. She wanted to be loved for being who
she was. She was a first generation Hmong born in the United States
with her own individual characteristics. She was not the old-fashioned
Hmong girl. She wanted freedom of choice and opportunity to explore her
own world. In her diary she wrote about breaking away from the clan
mentality. She wrote about being alone as the only child in the family,
blaming it on her parents' selfishness. She wrote to God and asked why
she was born. She went to church but slept with boys.

Not many could resist her; she was beautiful. Her body was sculptured
for a goddess; her gestures were seductive as diamonds. She spoke as
soft as feathers and as addictive as chocolates. Her shoulder length
brown hair would dazzle in the sun. Her big eyes and light complexion
made her look non-Hmong. Maylee could get any boys she wanted, but she
loved Chao. She pitied him. He had given back her conscience enabling
her to rethink the priorities in her own life. She understood Chao have
been difficult to comprehend because he built a wall to protect himself
from being hurt or looking weak in front of his peers. She knew all
Chao needed is an opportunity, someone to comfort and support him.
Though Maylee was four inches taller then Chao when they were together
she tried to be shorter. He acknowledged that his life has been hell
but at least one thing God has done right, and that was to create
Maylee.

***

In the darkness Chao acts like a skilled fellow who had slept with many
women. She knows he was a rookie at the night moves but doesn't mind
his awkwardness as she guides him through the ritual. All that matters
is that they are next to each other.

Then suddenly Maylee stops in fear to sounds of footsteps invading
their love scene. Chao listens and hears the same footsteps, which are
now two rooms away from them. Chao thought to himself, "Ahhh man, this
really sucks."

Maylee whispers to Chao, "Oh shit! I think that's my dad! You better go
out the window." She offers.

Chao in shock, "Damn, I thought you said it was gonna be aight?"

"So now it's my fault."

"Listen, you told me it was gonna be aight."

"Just shut up and go, please." As Maylee works her way around the dark
fondling for the lamp like she's been through this before. Chao gathers
a handful of jeans and dirty laundry, not knowing which is his. Afraid,
he fumbles his shoes around like a football. Thinking as fast as he
could. Wondering what his friends would do if they were him. With
lightning speed Maylee throws on her old Bible Camp T-shirt. She then
opens the window and a cool breeze welcomes them. From behind her Chao
throws what he could out the window and perceives after them. His
girlfriend's room is on the second story but at the moment it looks
just a couple of feet off the ground. The mysterious footstep stops
outside her room.

Thump! Thump! The pounding door shakes and wooden fiber ripples nearly
bursting apart. The handle twists and turns. Grinding metals echoes
into the hall. Her father calls out to her in the Hmong tongue. "What
are you doing? It's three in the morning!"

Chao is hanging to his life outside on the window ledge naked, hoping
Maylee's father would retreat. Not letting go of the window ledge,
wanting to see what would happen next. "I was just dancing to this new
CD." Maylee answers him firmly.

He angrily replies knowing he's being lie to in low broken English. "I
know you not dancing, you damn lazy to dance! Open you door now you
bitch!"

"No I won't, cuz this ain't your room so you can just shut the fuck up.
You, you're the phuckin bitch!" She protests with disgust.

"Open you door right now. You living in my house I built. You no open
the door I beat you. I catch you now. I know you fuck. You no good
bitch! I catch you! You make family lose face. You shame you family. He
then began to cry along with shouting words from the hidden chambers of
his heart no one knew he was compassionate enough to say. Maylee
trembles to his cries, gathers herself then attacks his words with her
own. But there was a long cold silence to her response.

After hearing them fight, Chao made up his mind. He loves her; he pulls
himself back into her room and hugs her. They shakes in each other's
arms, traumatizes. He kisses her tear-covered cheek. "I love you babe.
I ain't gonna let him hurt you," Chao whispers to her.

"I love you too," she murmurs back.

The gun blast shatters her door mirror; stuffed animals jump to the
carpet. Nao Phia shots the doorknob missing Maylee's thigh by a few
hairs. From the dark hall emerges her angry father. Tall, determined
eyes, hands of wooden stick fingers, face covered with debris, sweat,
tears, and rage. Terrifies, Maylee let out a cry and jumps behind naked
Chao. Chao, embarrasses, afraid, stands without position, anticipating
what Nao Phia's will do next. Nao Phia stares at Chao with
investigating eyes and confronts him. "You want to die? You is know me?
Pointing his stiff finger at himself. "Who is you father huh?" Chao
quickly wonders who his father was as he inches backward, leaning on
Maylee's t-shirt.

"I call the police, eh." Nao Phia suggests reaching for the phone,
dangling from the wall.

"No dad, it's not his fault," Maylee pleads as she tries to beat him to
the phone. Nao Phia intercepts with a kick to her stomach.

"You shut up, I kill you." Aiming the 12-gauge shotgun into her face,
backing her to Chao's feet.

"Listen uncle, I, I love Maylee and we farnna farnna get marry," Chao
politely stutters.
Maylee hears this and disagrees with Chao, but at the moment she agrees
to his intention.

"You shit you no work, you no money. You stupid waste of rice!"
Pointing the gun back and forth between the two.

Chao's head shrugs into his thick neck. Maylee regains her footing and
dares her father, "You want to shoot, shoot me? Go ahead, like I am
afraid of you! You think I am scare to die!"

Nao Phia kicks Maylee again. Maylee shouts and cries at her father,
"You greedy bastard! All you ever cared for is your money, you and your
Vang Yang shit, winning Laos. All you ever do is go out and play your
stupid clan wars. You say I should learn Hmong culture, go to school,
and be a good Hmong woman. But you, you are a liar and fraud taking
money from poor Hmong. Promising them you and Vang fuckin' Yang will
reward them when you win Laos. I overheard you and uncle Meng remises
about using that collection money to vacation in Thailand and fucking
those little whores. I know you don't even love mom and me anymore.
When was the last time we when to church together? Huh? Huh?"

Enraged Nao Phia blurs back with tears, "You no talk to me that
way!"

Maylee interrupts him, "This is a free country! I can say what I want!"
Stumping her foot without fear in front of him.

"I born you huh. You no respect me? You want to die? If we in Laos I
kill you for pigs to eat. You understand me? I killed many Vietnamese
with my hands." Showing them one of his deadly hands. Then continues,
"I make you to the world. I kill you too!"

For an instant, Chao thought Nao Phia was unsuspecting as he darts for
the gun. He misses the barrel but barely got a hold with his other
hand. They struggle for control of the shotgun each dancing to a
different beat. Suddenly, Chao's back turns toward Nao Phia. They yank
the gun around the room. Maylee fearfully ducks for her life in the
room, which suddenly seems to have shrunk to half its size.

Nao Phia much older and weaker, but smarter, sinks his teeth into
Chao's right shoulder. Chao tries to head butt Nao Phia with the back
if his head without success as blood sprinkles the ivory carpet. Nao
Phia squeezes the trigger. BBs effortlessly shreds Chao's left lung,
taking away oxygen. Chao's bitten body suddenly gives way to unseen
force; he slowly slips against Nao Phia towards the floor. His body
twitches like a dying prey, spilling blood onto the soft carpet. No
strength, his hand loosens on the hot barrel. Tainted blood and saliva
floods his nose. He coughs weakly for air to circulate through his
lungs. Maylee cries and quickly steps between her father and Chao and
embraces him with shaking arms. They fall together. He lays on her
frail body, his arms stretched out reminding her of the criminal whom
Christ forgave before being crucified.

A blurry image of this father appears before his own eyes. As the image
sharpens, something tells him the chopper has landed. Something tells
him his dream has come true. He tries to reach out and touch his
father's face but barely moves an inch. She hears him speaking softly
in the Hmong tongue, "Dad, I long to tell you how much you meant to me.
Sorry if I made you go away. I loved and missed you everyday."

Life ticks away and he sees his father gives what it seem a grin of
compassion. Suddenly, new wonderful feelings and sensations never
before felt rushes through him. He then drops his head, smiles a
millimeter, and surrenders to death peacefully in the arms of a woman,
bloody, naked, just the way he came.