A Lily and a Rose, Chapter 4, The List

4. A Lily and a Rose

I see Rose again at the end of the day. I watch her constantly. I drink in her voice, her smell. Everything about her is lovely. I don’t want her to go home; I don’t want her to leave me.

But the bell rings and I know I must leave, back to my empty house, to be surrounded by death. Because I am a harbinger of death. Therefore, when I’m alone there is only death. I think about crossing over again, but I can’t do it. I’m not ready to go. I don’t think I will ever be ready.

‘So, it was lovely to meet you, Jude.’

She strikes out her hand and puts it gently into mine.

‘You’re the best person I’ve ever met.’ I tell her truthfully.

She blushes and laughs a little.

‘God, my ego will be exploding if I hang around you too much!’ she laughs.

Oh, I’ve embarrassed her. Again. My face must show my disappointment.

‘Hey, I’m just joking, Jude, I think your compliments are fabulous.’

‘You do?’ I grunt.

‘Yes. Sorry, I’ve never really had close friends before. I spend most of my time with my sister. I’m not used to this.’

‘I’ve never had a friend before either. I get lonely.’ I grunt.

Rose looks up at me and her emerald eyes have gone slightly shiny so that they now twinkle. I’m in awe of her.

‘Hey, do you fancy coming over to my house for a bit? You could stay for dinner?’

I’m so shocked I don’t say anything for a while. My eyes just stay stuck on hers.

‘You know what, don’t worry. We’ve only just met, that was too-’

‘I’d love to.’ I grunt, finally finding the words.

‘Great. Do you need to tell your grandma first or-’

Oh dear. My grandma. My fake grandma I’d invented off the top of my head.

‘Yes. I’ll just phone her. One moment please.’
I turn from her and get out my phone. I pretend to dial a number. I pretend to wait for an answer.

‘Oh grandma, hi, it’s Jude. I’m going to a friend’s for dinner. I’ll be back later. Bye.’

I turn back to face Rose. She’s smiling.

‘Answer phone?’ she asks me.

‘No.’ I reply honestly.

She looks bemused, but it only lasts a moment. Finally, she takes my arm.

‘I hope you don’t mind walking. It only takes about ten minutes.’

I’m so caught up in the feel of her arm against mine, her side against mine, that I almost forget to reply.

‘No, not at all. I don’t mind walking for you.’

She looks flushed again and smiles at the ground. I think I embarrass her quite a lot. I’m starting to like her reactions to me.

The walk home provides the perfect opportunity to find out more about her, to find out more about this girl who is simply not afraid of me.

It also provides opportunity for doubt. I didn’t think about how her parents might react to me, how her sister might react. I was just happy that she’d invited me to her house. I decide to worry about it when we get there. For now, I just want to listen to her speak.

‘So, my family are really nice. They won’t mind you coming over. Is there anything you particularly like to eat?’

‘Anything with bread.’

I’ve answered far too quickly and far too weirdly. She’s looking at me funny. I try to explain.

‘Sorry, it’s just. I always think, if I die, I’d really miss bread.’

Well, really I did die. And I kept thinking I’ll really miss bread. That thought played over and over. So now I gorge on the stuff.

‘Fair enough,’ she smiles, ‘I’ll ask for pasta then, with bread on the side.’

‘Thank you.’

My voice is becoming slightly better now. It’s still husky, but it’s developed into a slightly softer grunt.

‘You’re very funny, Jude. I can’t believe not one of those idiots at school will talk to you.’

‘They’re afraid of me.’ I reply.

‘That’s ridiculous Jude. What exactly about you is scary, huh?’

She looks at me head on. Face to face. A dozen things run through my mind. My voice. My icy eyes. My sallow skin. My general aroma of death.

‘You tell me.’ I say instead.

‘Nothing, that’s what I tell you. Well, I’ve decided if they won’t talk to you, then I will not talk to a single one of them.’

‘You have?’

I try to disguise the need in my voice, but fail.

‘Of course. You’re my friend. My first friend who isn’t related to me. We’ll stick together, Jude.’

I notice a little green-fly on her cheek and I have the sudden urge to kiss it away. But I’m not that forward. I tell her to hold still.

‘What is it?’ she sings.

I sweep my finger lightly over her cheek. I feel her breath increase slightly. I am near to hyper-ventilating. I love the feel of her skin.

‘You had a fly on you.’

I pull away my hand. She looks directly into my eyes for a moment that might as well contain an eternity, for me.

‘Wow, Jude, you know you have the most unusual eyes. Sharp ice blue. They’re fascinating.’

I feel myself blush a little. My knees feel weak again. Feeling slightly embarrassed, I shuffle my feet.

‘Well, I think you have beautiful eyes. Sparkling green.’

‘Thank you.’ she whispers.

I think about kissing her, but decide against it. I don’t want to ruin one of the only friendships I’ve had since I died. I couldn’t bear not to be friends with Rose White now.

We’re at her front door minutes later. Her house is small and friendly. The front lawn is decorated with bright flowers and a welcome mat rests below the door.

I feel scared. I know how people react to me. I almost make up an excuse there and then. I go over them in my head. I could receive a fake call from my fake grandma. I could come over feeling faint and unwell. But before I decide on one, Rose’s mother is at the door.

‘Oh, hello darling!’ she says as she kisses Rose.

They look alike, only her mother has shorter hair than Rose.

‘Who’s your friend?’ she says.

I’m afraid to look her in the eyes. I’m afraid she’ll feel afraid, but I know I’ll seem rude if I don’t.

‘Mum, this is Jude, a friend from school. Jude, this is my mum.’

Apprehensively, I look up. I expect her to flinch, but she doesn’t. I am instead met with the familiar sparkling green and her eyes remain warm. She’s smiling.

‘Lovely to meet you, Jude. Will you be staying for dinner?’ Mrs. White asks me.

I’m rendered speechless. I stand dumb for a moment. It takes a nudge from Rose to wake me out of my stupor.

‘Yes, yes please, Mrs. White.’

‘Excellent. Oh, do call me Sarah. Come in.’

I’m utterly bewildered. Twenty years and only one living human has been able to really speak to me. Unless you count Mr. Falcon and I don’t, because I don’t like speaking to him. So yes, twenty years of virtual solitude. Now I’ve found two people in one day who can not only talk to me, they can look me straight in the eye with ease.

The house is cosy and warm inside. The walls are light beige. I hear footsteps bound down the stairs. A man stands before me.

‘Mike, this is Jude. He’s Rose’s friend.’

She places emphasis on the word ‘friend’. I look to Rose and she rolls her eyes. Mike is shaking my hand.

‘How’d you do? Nice to meet you,’ he says in a deep but friendly voice.

I don’t believe it. Another one who has looked me in the eye, with a smile. Maybe I’m not dead anymore, I think. Maybe I’ve come back. But my heart hurts as I remember his words. Life for you is gone. To return as before is impossible. Do not entertain the idea.

‘Where’s Lily?’ Rose asks her mother.

‘Just in the lounge. She’s a bit tired, I think.’ Sarah replies.

‘Oh right. Well, I’ve got loads to tell her. Come on, Jude.’

Rose leads me towards the lounge.

‘Dinner at half five.’ Sarah calls after us.

‘Can we have pasta please?’ Rose shouts, without waiting to hear a reply.

The walls of the lounge are the same colour as the hallway: light beige. The sofas are brown leather. It smells of flowers. It smells of Rose.

I don’t notice her at first, but she’s there. Lily White. She’s beautiful, just like Rose. Sparkling green eyes meet mine. She wears a gleaming smile and her skin is unblemished ivory.

‘Who’s this?’ Lily asks in a delicate voice.

‘This is my friend Jude. He’s going to stay for dinner. That alright?’ Rose replies.

Lily looks me straight in the eye. Just as the rest of her family did. Only her gaze seems more penetrating than the others.

‘Yes, that’s fine. Lovely to meet you, Jude.’

It’s only when she releases me from her gaze that I notice it. The sparkling green had held me spellbound, but as I look to Lily now, I notice the scarf she wears around her head. I notice a blanket is wrapped around her. I notice how thin and frail she is.

And now I know why Lily White is on the List. Lily White is sick. And she can look me in the eyes, unafraid.

The White family know what lies ahead of them. Yet they’re not afraid of the sharp ice blue I bring.