Not Really Understanding You There

Geoffrey Chaucer's Marriage Advice

By Matt Purland

Today bumped into Geoffrey Chaucer sitting near a tree
He beckoned me to sit there and he poured us both some tea
As I drank up he said hello in his unusual way
He offered me a small pork pie and said that I could stay

We talked about the fair that had been in the town of late
And how a bearded lady's beard got snagged upon a gate
And how she said expletives when some scissors were produced
And how the children laughed and roared to hear the words she
used

I told him it was nice to see him as my heart was sore
The problem it was nursing bothered me right to the core
I wasn't sure if I should ask my girl to be my wife
The lovely girl who I would like to stay with me for life

He offered me some words which I did not quite really get
He told me I should "mencion" to the girl that I had met
Some things like "yow" and "wente" and "goon" and others in that
vein
Was feeling quite despondent as the mizzle turned to rain

So hurried to the shelter in a barn and on he spoke
I asked him if he wouldn't mind me reaching for a smoke
The words he rattled out were quite bizarre and full of "yows"
I thought "it would be clearer conversating with the cows"

When Geoff was finished clacking and the rain had died away
I said, "That's great. That's much more clear. Yes". What more could I
say?
As chatting with a literary figure it is wise
To humour them, if only so they'll keep offering you pies