Dora. Part Four.

Stress affects different people in different ways.

Thinking about the funeral, stressed me out.

It wasn’t my mum or wife, so I couldn’t imagine how husband and son would have been feeling the night before. Both father and son, they are very shy and quiet, it had been a long time since Dora’s death, due to the post Mortem, I hoped that people hadn’t forgotten her passing. For the initial shock of her passing of someone SO young, was a shock to everyone who knew her.

The funeral was far away; I had never been to a funeral this far away. I texted Lois, and asked, “Are you going?” She said, “Yes,” I asked, “Can I go with you, I would pay half of the petrol?” And added, “I will drive to your home.” She didn’t text back that day, then Eunice text me and asked, “Are you going?” I said, “Yes, with Lois.” I added, I have told Lois that I will pay half of the petrol, and drive to her home, so if there is space in her car, can you also drive to her home too?” I then added, “I would pay your petrol, so it would cost you nothing.” As she is retired. Eunice text back and said, “No, I will pay my share.” I replied, “OK.” A few days later, Lois texted back and said, “Yes, I am going, and I don’t want any petrol money from you or Eunice,” I text back, “OK, I will let Eunice know.” Lois texted, “I will pick you both up, from your homes.” Eunice and I, don’t live nearby, so there would be a lot petrol used, even before we even started to go to the funeral.

The night before the funeral, it all came to a head for me, I was quietly worried, I tried not to be, but that is just me, I didn’t say anything to my husband Paul, I am sure if I did, he would have had wise words of wisdom, to calm me down, but I just didn’t want to talk about it, so I kept my fears to myself.

The evening of the funeral, I looked in my wardrobe, to decide what I was going to wear, it would be mainly black. I always wear socks, but I don’t have any that is black, so it would be the beige ones with my blue leather shoes. I didn’t want to be too hot, nor too cold, I chose the very thin long sleeved knitted top, over that I would wear my lovely lightweight black linen sleeveless dress, but they came past my knees, so I decided to wear, black leggings with them. I would wear my soft leather black jacket. Please with my outfit, I went to bed early, 1am.      

The morning of the funeral, I was not hungry, so instead of having my usual orange and cod liver oil, followed by hot chocolate, I just had a cup of Yorkshire tea. It is not really a good idea, to go to a wedding or a funeral without any breakfast, but I just wasn’t going to force anything down.

Not sure, which one of our 6 cats is moulting, but I had to make sure, that when I was ready, that I didn’t sit down, I wanted to leave the house, cat hair free! Now that would be a challenge.

Time had suddenly sped up, so just before I got in the shower, I texted Lois and said, “I will be ready at one minute past.” She rang me and said, “I’m outside now.” She was 15 minutes early, I said, “I’m not ready yet, I will be out at one minute past,” She was chilled and said, “No worries, we have plenty of time.” We really did have a lot of time, it was still morning and the funeral was many hours away in the afternoon. I had made sure, that the card and money was in my black leather bag, and a pack of tissues, I knew that I would need, with sweets for Eunice, Lois, and myself. As I hadn’t had breakfast, I also put in the bag, 3 bags of my favourite at the moment, Hula Hoops BBQ flavour, for the three of us.

Lois drove to Eunice home. Lois’s car is very posh, compared to mine, I had sat at the front, but when we got to Eunice’s home, I asked her as she is older than I am, “Would you like to go in the front?” Eunice replied, “No, I am happy to sit in the back.”

Lois informed us, “We will not be going on the motorway.” That was one of my fears, I didn’t want to be on the motorway, as I am a very bad ‘backseat driver,’ I said, to Lois, “That was one of my fears, I didn’t want to be on the motorway.” Thankfully Lois said, “Neither did I.” Lois typed the address of the Church into her large built in sat nav and it showed it would be 90 minutes there.

Lois is a very carful driver, so I gently settled into the calmness of her driving as Lois and Eunice talked backwards and forwards, I put my mobile data on, as my mobile provider has messed me about when I renewed with them recently, I have to be very careful with the amount of data I use each day when I am not in the home to use the free Wi-Fi there, I put it on, and went on social media, and played a few games, then I turned it off again, and listened to the, music that was playing the same time as the sat nav was giving directions.

It was a lovely worry-free journey, and we arrived with 90 minutes to spare. There was nowhere to park outside the Church nor on any of the roads near it, it was all double yellow lines! Where there was parking, there were signs everywhere stating, ‘parking for one hour only’ well that was no good, and with an OAP in the car, we couldn’t park very far away and then walk! There was a park a few yards away, so I suggested, “Let’s park in there?” As Lois drove in, we saw a large sign for parking, there were only spaces for 12 cars! It was £3 to park for 24 hours, I had bought £20 in case we had to buy our own drinks, I was more than happy to buy both Lois and Eunice a drink. Lois like myself, she had not had breakfast.

We went into the Church to see if it was open, it was, as we went into the main room, there on the huge screen was Dora’s face. We sat at the back and talked a bit, then we decided to go back into the car. Eunice had baked three little cakes for each of us; she is the best cook ever! They were SO tasty, we ate them and then Eunice offered us freshly chopped up pineapples with a napkin each, she also gave us a bottle of water each. I then offered my bags of Hula Hoops, and Lois passed around the Pringles! We had a mini feast there in the car, it also helped to pass the time. We saw others too who we knew, they too were eating in their cars. When we got out, we hugged each other warmly, one young man, his wife who we all knew very well, had died this year. As we made our way to the Church, we saw others trying to get onto the tiny car park! I was SO glad that we were early.

The Church started to slowly fill up, we sat near the back, I did want to sit on a seat by the aisle, as I wanted to be near the coffin when it came past. But that didn’t happen, I was in the middle, with others either side of me. There was seating for about 200. Jude had given me the link for me to share it, as it was going to be streamed live around the world. I tried to share it the day before, but it said it would be live the next day and at the time of the funeral.

We were then given the booklet, with the order of the service. I looked at it, something didn’t add up.                                  

I was a bit puzzled and asked Lois, “What does this mean.” It was explained to me, “Jude and his close family is at the crematorium now, and when they have finished, they will come here.” I said, “You mean, this will be a funeral, without a body, without Dora?” She said, “Yes.” I was shocked! In my whole life, I have never been to a funeral where the deceased person was not there, for us to see them, for the very last time. I had even thought, if I was seated by the aisle seat, that I could reach out, and touch her coffin. Eunice said, “It is nothing new, other Churches have done it before,” It was new to me. So, we just talked amongst ourself, then we saw Jude and his family arrive.

Shy Jude took the whole service! WOW, he gave his tribute and many others gave their tributes, there were many tears, from the front speakers and in the congregation. To me, she was a dearest friend, but I found out at her funeral, she was a friend to Many! To cram all that helpfulness into that short life, I don’t know anyone else, who has done that. Famous people will help, and do ‘good’ when the camera is running, and with reporters there, but not Dora, she quietly helped, many and made sure the jobs were all done. It was a fantastic tribute to her. It was 10 out of 10. I didn’t need my tissues, I learnt that what cause tears, is seeing the coffin for the first time, knowing the person is in there. Dora’s favourite songs were sung, ‘Goodness of God’ and ‘Outrageous Grace’ and a vicar said some comforting words, from the Bible.

After the service there was a wonderful buffet. The lovely cups of tea, was served in cups and saucers.

There was a post box for those who wanted to leave money for Dora’s Charity. I put my money in the card for Jude and Dora’s son, for him to do what he wanted to do with the money. We spoke with Jude and Dora’s brother, and a few others. "I said to Jude and Dora’s son, “Continue to make your Mum proud.”

Lois told Eunice and myself, “We will be going soon, I won’t be going on the motorway.” I told her, “I’m pleased about that.”

I was glad to get home, safe, and well, and the following day, reflected on all that I had worried about before the funeral, and everything was OK, there was nothing for me to worry about.

Rest in Paradise D. x