New.

New?

It is hard to think that it is still January! It feels like it is the longest month in the year! This January feels SO long, it almost feels like it is 3 months long. It is payday soon. If last year is anything to go by, it will once again go very fast, the rest of the year, once January is out of the way.

Lots of people make new year’s resolutions. Mine each year used to be, to go to bed early, well so far this year my average time, after I have slept on the sofa, for many hours, seems to be 3am! I seemed to have gone to bed even later than last year, that is not good! I must do better, if I could just aim for 1am I would be laughing! The thing is, once I get my 3 hours of sleep IN bed, I am good to go, and I wake up full of beans. I am alert and do the housework or go to work OR both! I have always been a morning person, it is in the evening, now that I am in my 60’s I get sleepy in the evenings. I try to reason with myself, that at my age I should not be going to bed so late, it is not healthy. But I only have to sit down and then I am asleep and when I wake up my favourite cat, Mini G is also on my lap asleep. We love each other. She is little and light. If another cat like Jonathan or Clarence, tries to come on my lap, they are huge cats and wake me up.

I don’t bother to make new year’s resolutions anymore, I just want to try and go to bed earlier, I am not giving up, I have been trying for, say 60 years!!!! I firmly believe that, while there is Life, there is Hope!

I don’t know if my husband Paul, made a new year’s resolution, he didn’t say, nor have I ever heard him say he would do one. He did say an odd thing last year, “I want to stop smoking, I want to use a vape.”

Where I work, all the smokers have said the same thing, maybe 1% or less have succeeded! “I have never taken a single drag of a cigarette in my life, thank goodness, it is the best thing I never did!”

Daniel our son said, to me, “I will buy Dad a vape,” I said, “Please don’t, save your money, he will not be able to stop smoking.” Daniel said, “I will buy him a £15 one, and if he does stop, then I will buy him one like mine, that cost £40.” Daniel told Paul, what he had told me. When Daniel first went on the vape, almost each puff would make him cough, and I would say to Daniel, “Please stop using the vape, I would rather you used the cigarette, as I am worried about pop corn lungs.” It seemed, that Daniel got used to it and the coughing stopped.

At the start of January, Daniel gave his Dad; the vape and showed him how to fill it up and where to buy the juice that he needed to fill it up and let him know it needed charging. Daniel told him, “When you need a new top, it will cost £5.”

Paul still bought his cigarettes.

We were all sceptical, Daniel, Meghan and myself. But who knows the mind of a person, but the person?

I had prayed many times, for a miracle, for Paul to stop smoking, for thousands have been spent on cigarettes. I have said to them at work recently, “If I put together the times I have waited for Paul to have a fag, it would come to 6 years!” For example, after we have been shopping, and in the car park, to come home, a fag must be had first. For smokers have a fag, before and after everything! When we had no money, I really resented it. When I was single and lived on my own for 5 years, If I had no money, I coped, but for a smoker it is another level, in my eyes, I realized, I am married to an addict. That was sad to see, that was a low point, many years ago. It is another story, but even on that ONE day, God provided for us, and a co-worker bought cigarettes for Paul, and 2 other co-workers gave or loaned me money, so that I went home with £80.

Whenever we filled in forms, Paul like all smokers would say, “I have 20 cigarettes a day,” That must be the going rate, around the world. When the smokers at work, talk about how many they have, I tell them how many I think Paul has in a day. I don’t know if that amount is true or not, but it just feels like it is that amount. Soon after we got married, I asked Paul, “Please smoke outside, as it is not fair to me, to go to work smelling of smoke when I don’t.” That was nice of him.

At first when Paul had the vape, he too coughed, that did concern me, for I don’t think it has been tested long enough to know the dangers with using the vapes. Because he was coughing, I would rather he smoked!

Daniel had asked him, “What flavour would you like Dad?” Paul said, “Cigarette flavour.” Daniel said, “That one is horrible Dad, I don’t recommend it.” Paul said, “That is the one I want.” Daniel said, “OK, they come in different strengths, I suggest you start off with the strong one.” Paul said, “OK.”

Over very long January, in the past weeks, Paul would say to me, or to the kids, “I have had 2 cigarettes today.”

Paul has proved us all wrong!! None of us, thought he would be able to do it, to me he was a chain smoker! It is like a miracle.

This is the first Christmas we have not gone in the red! It is very moving to experience this.

Paul said, “It took some getting used to,  but once I got the hang of it, it was ok, I won’t stop smoking, it will be there for whenever I need it,” I said, “I agree, for you have cut down a lot, and have saved us a lot of money.” I added, “It is not something that can just be stopped, but to think you can have a cigarette whenever you want, that is more than fine.”

It would be cruel, to think that stopping completely, that would be, unrealistic.

We are very proud of him. I could take a leaf out of his book, for me going to bed, earlier. x