Bar story

The Fools Guide To Being loved.

Josie perched herself behind the bar.
As her first customer of the evening came in she reached for the glass
and started to pour the creamy Guinness. It energetically bounced
around the inside of the glass occasionally leaving drips behind which
broke the smooth constancy into small ripples. As it reached the bottom
the cream darkened turning a still and empty black. For a minute she
watched it, fascinated. The white bubbly cream changing into empty
black stillness as it settled She wondered how this change could happen
so quickly.
Remembering what she was doing, she looked up in to the dark piercing
eyes of her customer who had just come into the pub.
"All right darling, how's it going?" She embraced him with one of her
usual greetings, and he replied with a familiar line.
"Much better for seeing you love"
Throughout the evening the pub filled with the usual faces. Smiling
happy people, getting louder as the evening wore on and the alcohol
worn in. She watched them. So happy with their big night out at the
local pub. They seemed happy. The usual people, with the usual faces
doing the usual things. She wanted to scream. How could they be happy
doing the same things day after day. Making love to the same people
night after night? She felt restless just watching them. She wondered
if they were dead inside, given up on life. Empty shells acting like
sheep. Following each others actions as if it were what they were
supposed to do, not knowing what they wanted to do. She thought she
would be dead inside if she ever became like them.
As their night drew on they slowly emptied out and on to the usual
clubs. The time had come when the evening officially came to an end.
All the happy people had gone, with their happy partners. Josie could
finally go home herself, although she was disappointed at herself for
not having found anyone to go home with her that night. She allowed
herself to be walked home by James, the barman.

Josie had always got on well with James at work, they shared jokes and
helped each other out, though she had never found him attractive she
realised as his moist lips moved from caressing her neck down to her
breast. However attractiveness never did count with Josie, as long as
she had somebody here with her, who wanted to be there. She was
happy.
She let her mind drift back to the endless nights alone. While sounds
of other people enjoying themselves would fill her empty room with
guilt, hatred and fear of herself. Leaving her wondering if she would
ever find someone to share a single night with. Thinking back to her
past suddenly made her shiver with a cold sweat that ran down her
spine. Bad memories filled her head and scared her. Josie never liked
thinking to her past days. After she ran away from the home she spent
three years in a bedsit. Scared to go out into a new life of
civilisation (one she had never known in the children's home). She
never got to make any friends. Josie spent three years isolated and
totally alone. Her only fear had come back. The deep, empty feeling of
loneliness was once again creeping back to her. Rushing like a virus
through her veins, it was trying to once more take over. She knew it
was not true, she had moved on since then, but the feelings were so
real.
With one swift sudden movement of terror she pulled James closer to
her, holding him so tightly that her nails pressed in to his skin,
drawing blood. James noticed the sudden change in her. He looked down
into Josie`s eyes, that were wide and filled with fear. He felt the
sharpness in his back. She looked like a small child in his arms. While
soothing her face and stroking her hair he entered her. Gentle and
slow. Josie began to feel his warmth inside her, pushing out the
loneliness she started to feel herself again and was able to pull him
in deeper.

The next night at work Josie sat watching an elderly man sipping his
pint. Straight faced and narrow eyed he looked around himself, almost
lost in the atmosphere of other people having fun. He looked lonely sat
by himself in a pub full of people. She wondered what kind of life he
must have had to end up so alone. This would not happen to her she
thought, she had many people around her, a different person for every
night in fact, never again would she be alone.
When leaving work that night she had trouble getting rid of James, who
for some reason thought he was supposed to join her again, while at the
same time laughing off claims that she had somehow used him. She looked
into his face, he looked like an injured animal. A hurt puppy, but this
was one friend she could not stop to console, Colin was waiting for
her.
While she made love to Colin that night she felt something different
inside her. Apart from the usual tingling and rush sex brought. Apart
from the deep, hot pleasure thrusting hard inside her. A feeling she
had never experienced with the many men who had shared her bed for the
many single nights.
Unsure of what these feelings meant, Josie knew she didn't want Colin
here for just the one night, she wanted him here every night.
Josie watched Colin while he slept. watching his chest rise and fall
with every breath he took made her realise she had started to tire of
all the faces coming and going. Sometimes she couldn't even remember
the face. Sometimes she saw the face but not the name. Although she
knew she needed the constant string of people around her and the
attention they gave. She had to have Colin. This man and only this man.
She thought back to the past few months where she realised she had
actually become friends with Colin. He started to come in more often
and they would chat when ever the bar was quiet. She began to look
forward to his quick mind and sorry jokes. Now she realised why she
used to wait for him to come in. She actually enjoyed the company of
this man, and wanted more. What was happening? It felt good to get to
know someone. They had so much in common, she felt they connected, and
this night was confirming it to her.
Suddenly becoming very tired she curled up in to his arms.

Another night at work, and she was in good form. A pleasant night with
Colin lingered in her mind, that she hoped to repeat this night. She
knew he didn't come in until around eight o clock, so for now, at ten
past six, she had to wait. She wondered back to last night. His
familiar hands that she had so often seen him messing about with in the
bar were exploring her body. His smooth lips that he used to joke
around with were caressing her own lips passionately.
The time at work passed so slowly that she wondered if it would ever
get to eight o clock, eventually the hands of the clock moved. Minute
by minute. Second by second, until eight had come, and gone. Josie
started to get a little nervous by eight thirty when he still had not
shown, but still remained hopeful that he was waiting until the end of
the night, so that he would not have to put up with the pain of seeing
her across the bar all night without being able to touch her.
Finally at ten past nine he made his entrance. Surrounded by a frenzy
of friends, all laughing and joking. He flashed her a enchanting smile
as they passed the bar. Josie was happy with this.
What she was not happy with however was the fact that Colin would not
speak to her all evening. Not one glimpse towards her direction, not
one word. Wondering if she had done something wrong Josie did not
understand what was going on, last night everything was fine, in fact
better than fine everything was fantastic, and tonight, she did not
understand. Confused and bewildered. Suddenly there was a deep pushing
on her chest pushing down, making it feel heavy.
Josie glanced over to Colin. He was sat at a table full of women,
talking to one of them, looking her deep in the eyes. Josie noticed his
hand on the woman's thigh. The woman was smiling, apparently unaware of
his big beautiful hand stroking her thigh. Josie would have noticed.
Josie would have grabbed hold of his hand and never let it go.
Finally Colin came to the bar to get his round. Josie was unsure
weather to serve him. Should she play it cool? and let James serve him,
or should she go over and find out what was going on? She noticed that
James was busy. She would have to serve him herself. She walked over
slowly. Colin acknowledged her with a nod of the head.
"All right darling?" She smiled.
"Can I have a pint of larger please"
Josie pulled the pint. She was still stood infront of him.
"How have you been?"
"Great thanks, and you? oh I meant to say thanks for last night, it was
great."
Josie`s mood started to lighten. He did remember where he was last
night then.
"Yeah. I had a great time too. So what are you up to tonight, I thought
we might have a repeat performance?"
"I'm sorry Josie, I'm off to a club tonight"
Okay, so it was a Saturday night, the man deserved to go out with the
lads, besides they only had one night, she couldn't expect him to be as
crazy about her as she was about him, yet.
She was just about to extend the invitation until tomorrow night, when
his lips parted again. Josie did not know if her heart would let her
live until tomorrow night.
"Yeah, with that bird at the table there, She's hot, reckon I might be
in with a chance there"
Josie heard a cracking sound. Followed by a slow deep thud, that
continued and got slower and softer until it stopped altogether. The
sound was close, nobody else seemed to have heard it, then she realised
it had come from within her.
"What?"
"What's wrong?"
Colin looked at her. His face sincere, he really didn't understand
what he had done wrong.
"Last night...." Was all Josie could manage.
"...was great, I already told you."
"Are you just going to leave me now? one great night and you move
on?"
"Hold on a minute. That's not me, that's your style. You've been with
near enough every man in this pub, and then some, why are you getting
like this now?"
"I have feelings for you. I want you. I thought we..." She broke
off.
"I'm sorry Josie, you should have warned me in advance. I thought it
was just the one night, like all the others you've had. I don't want
anything more than that, and if I did it wouldn't be with someone who
had already been with all of my friends."
She was starting to feel the pain in her chest sharpen. She glanced at
James, he was watching her. He saw her screwed up face, trying to hide
a world of pain, she noticed his eyes. No longer the hurt puppy, he
gave her a almost sympathetic look, though she sensed a feeling of
justice in those eyes looking at her. It would have been so easy for
him to laugh at her. Shout out to the whole bar that she was getting no
more than she deserved, being treated only how she had treated him, and
all the others.
Josie realised what she had become. A laughing stock. These were not
her friends, these were not people she could rely on, these were people
who had used her as much as she had used them. Then she looked at
herself. Nothing had changed, she had been alone all along.

The elderly gentleman she had noticed before came in once again. This
time he sat on a stool at the bar. Still by himself and still looking
sad and lonely. She watched him for a few minuets while he was waiting
to be served. He in turn looked around at the other people, as if he
was missing out, as if he longed to be talking and joking with someone
himself. Josie finally went over to him. She made conversation. He
seemed grateful to her for talking to him. He ordered a pint of
Guinness and she started to pour.
It energetically bounced around the inside of the glass, occasionally
leaving drips behind which broke the smooth constancy into small
ripples. As it reached the bottom the cream darkened turning a still
and empty black. For a minute she watched it, fascinated. The white
bubbly cream changing into the empty black stillness. She wondered how
this change could happen so quickly.
She handed the old man his drink and he returned to watching the same
happy people doing the same happy things on their big night out at the
local pub. Josie too watched them, thinking how lucky they were,
wishing she was like them.