Pink Hippo's

My girlfriend wants a pink hippopotamus. Its true, she does, she
made me promise that if I won the lottery, then I would buy her a nice
house, with a swamp, and cabbages and potatoes for the hippo to eat.
She said that she'd like him to be called Henry. I asked her what if it
was a girl, and not a boy, and she said that it would be called
Henrietta instead. My girlfriend's strange. She also wants a baby
gorilla, or an orang-utan. She loves animals of all kinds, and would
quite happily strap herself to a nuclear reactor or live in a tree if
she thought it would help save the world.

My girlfriend wears Doc Marten boots, preferably ones with very bright
colours in pinks and reds and shiny blues, presumably this is so that
Henry can see her coming. Apparently Hippo's have very bad eyesight. As
to why she wants a hippo, well the cheeky thing said that she'd like to
touch its bum. She has a strange fascination with the rear area of
creatures, I know, she's fascinated with mine&;#8230;

My girlfriend, in addition to wanting a pink hippo named Henry, and a
gorilla or orang-utan, also suffers from that terrible feminine
affliction known as Imrightandyourwrong Syndrome. Apparently its very
common amongst women, and it affects their intellectual and emotional
stability. Women with this illness always believe that they are
omniscient and possessed of such potent psychic powers as to believe
that they are never wrong. Ever. Even if your driving down the
motorway, they still insist that they know how to read a map, and that
their sense of direction is impeccable. Indeed if Christopher Columbus
had gotten his girlfriend to do the navigating on his trip to the
Indies, his sailors would have been claiming Ganymede for the
Portuguese instead of the Caribbean isles. Yeah I know Columbus got
lost, but you try driving and reading the road signs at the same time
as navigating a one way street, really. Anyway, as I was saying,
perhaps this is why my girlfriend wants a pink hippopotamus. Perhaps
the Imrightandyourwrong Syndrome, has progressed to far. Maybe that's
why she thinks that Colonel Sanders was responsible for Kennedy's
assassination. Maybe she's right and I'm wrong!