Novel Extract - The Agency (2)

Esther

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Esther stood outside of the hospital watching the automatic doors open and close as each person walked in and out.  She watched their faces, some filled with joy, some with sorrow.  She considered turning around and running all the way back home, but how could she?  How would that look?  She couldn’t avoid it forever.  It was no secret that there was no love lost between her and Kitt.   Esther imagined the glares that she would get as she neared Kitt’s bedside of “You don’t belong here”, “hypocrite”, “stuck up bitch.”  It was no less than she deserved because deep down she knew that all those thoughts were true.  She didn’t belong there with all those who mourned the near loss of someone dear, for that she was a hypocrite.  But if she didn’t turn up the whispering behind her back would be so much worse.  Not that she cared.  She placed her head in her hands, the effects of her hangover going strong.  Even now, with Kitt possibly lying at death’s door, she still could only think of herself.  But part of her knew that if she didn’t no one else would.

“Are you just going to stand here all day?”

Esther turned round to see Shawna.  God, she looked even worse than she does normally, she thought.  Her dark brown skin lacked it’s normal natural glow.  Her eyes were puffy and red.  I looked like she hadn’t stop crying since the moment she found Kitt’s limp body behind the desk.  She looked like she was in her old gymwear it looking grey and tired having the hood on her head despite there not being a drop of rain.  Well, Esther thought, there’s no going back now.

“No, I…. I’m just not the biggest fan of hospitals.”

“Who is,” said Shawna storming off in front.

Esther hurried behind, her heels making a click clacking noise on the floor of the hospital.  She could feel Shawna’s look of incredulity at the fact that she had heels on but she didn’t care.  Just because someone has nearly died does not mean you have to go round looking like some sort of chav.

As they approached the ward Esther felt her chest grow tight.  She wasn’t sure she could go through with it.  Hearing the click clacking coming to an abrupt halt Shawna spun round and stormed towards her.  Grabbing her arm she said,

“Look Esther, this is difficult for all of us OK.  Stop making it all about you.”

“I can’t face her,” said Esther in sobs of tears.  “She probably doesn’t want to see me.”  This was the first time Esther had cried in months despite all what had happened, Nathan, Steve, managing a bunch of girls that despised her, dealing with Adie, throughout all of it she had managed not to shed a tear….. until now.

“Esther, I know you and Kitt have had your differences but surprisingly the events of the past few days have show that she has a hell of a lot more on her plate than her little spat with you.  Now for a minute will you stop making this about you and get in there.”

The click clacking began again.  Esther walked in and saw Kitt lying there.  She was asleep.  She looked so peaceful lying there.  Natalie sat on the other side of the bed and smiled sweetly. 

“How, how is she?” said Esther hesitantly.

“Well, she hasn’t woken up yet.  The doctor said that she is very weak at the moment.  She’ll be happy that you came.”

I doubt that, Esther thought to herself.

“How’s your head,” said Natalie smiling.

“Pretty sore.  It’s been a while since I’ve had a drink.  I haven’t felt this rough in ages.”

“Yeah, you were knocking them back pretty hard,” said Shawna giggling. “Did you manage to get in touch with George, Nat?”

“Erm, no luck.  He’s not answering.  I’ll try again later.”  Natalie was a bad liar.  Esther could tell that something was up but it was obviously not something she wanted to share.  Normally she would have prodded but now was not the time.  She couldn’t stand being there any longer.

“Well I’m going to go.”

“Already,” said Shawna, her eyebrows raised. “You only just got here?”

“I know, but to be honest, I don’t feel so great.  I’ll come back again.”

She could see Shawna rolling her eyes.  Natalie smiled.  “Don’t worry Esther.  At least you came.  We’ll let you know if there is any change.”

“Thanks,” said Esther as she turned on her heels the clack clacking in time with her racing heartbeat.  As she finally reached the automatic doors and the cold breeze caressed her skin she gasped for air with her hands on her knees.  Recovering, she started walking faster, not sure of where she was going, just knowing that she had to get far away from there as was possible.