Never shag a...

Never shag a prostitute
She'll give you a disease,
Stay away from virgins
They won't know how to please,
Say No to Nymphomaniacs
You'll never measure up,
Don't ever shag an animal
'Cos that's just Yuk!

Avoid those with partners
Or be the victim of revenge,
Stay away from lonely housewives
'Cos you'll never hear the end,
Don't have someone celibate
It just won't happen ever
Avoid a Politician,
He'll have you wearing leather.

Never shag a minor
It'll get you locked away,
Refuse your next-door neighbour
'Cos they'll want it every day,
Don't go there with a Vicar
He may be a kinky spanker,
Avoid a teenage boy
He'll prove to be a wanker!

This narrows down the list
Of people left to shag,
One could abstain from the exercise
But that would be a drag,
There is another option
To prevent you going dry,
The safest way to have some fun
Is to indulge in DIY!