Love on the internet

It was nearly a year ago that I found my angel. Or should I say, my
angel found me. A chance meeting in the most obscure of places. A
further chance taken in prolonging the acquaintence. And I am pleased
to say, that not all chances are risky. At least not in this
case.
I met her, a sad, hopeless soul. Life luster all but faded, and swore
to help her.
A paradox to be sure, since I was all too jaded by a long time lover
myself. My would be wife who burned me in a way I will never recover
from. Without even hearing each other's voice, we connected. Finally
and thankfully able to put thoughts of my problem aside, I proceeded to
help her with hers. Not in a million years thinking that she might be
able to help me. But help she did. Bringing a smile and sunshine back
into my dismal days. Helping me find my way back from heartbreak, by
listening, hearing, really careing, and ultimately loving me. Whether
it is a misplaced love, since I am still affected by and fighting my
demons in the form of my once believed soul mate, I cannot say.
But she's better now. Stronger now. Happier now. Passionate beyond a
realm I'd only ever thought of. Adventorous to a point that belied our
first meeting. Yes, she's grown into the woman she should have been.
Once stiffiled by the will of those around her. Moulded by their whims
and aspirations. Without true care for her happiness. No more. She is
happy now, and will never again deny herself her truth. Her love. Her
desires. Her life.
Will we be together? Who knows. She believes that I will go back to my
long time love. I however do not want to be hurt again. Having spent
nearly a decade giving to someone else. Supporting them, loving them,
thinking only of them. I am tired, and now want to think of myself.
Emotionally weary, I cannot do it again. Not now, maybe never again. I
know I cannot give her what she wants, or deserves. My love. Nights of
unabandoned passion as she gives me. Committment. For I do not have it
to give. Not now.
Her words says that she understands, but her actions and her eyes tell
me that she does not. How could she. She has a new lease on life.
Bubbling with the expectancy and exuberance that she'd been denied for
so long. I always want to be a part of her life, and her mine. As what
type of player, time alone will tell. For the moment though, I know she
will move on. Even though she's denied it to be possible. It is my
reluctant wish for her. If this is what it takes to make her
happy.
But to all the skeptics who passed their ignorant judgement, I've had
fun and enjoyed my internet angel as she has me. I would not change a
thing about our meeting, for it was inspired. I've loved again, for
however brief a moment it was. But maybe, just maybe, it may not be
brief at all.