Welcome to the Company

Hi there! My name is Heather!

I will be your escort today and together we will be taking a guided tour around what is commonly known as a store. Once we reach the end of the tour you will be expected to make a decision on whether you would like to join us, but more on that later.

To begin; I’d like you to look at my attire. Notice the aura of professionalism that I am exuding? My hair is tied back in a fuss-free bun, not a wisp escaping. My skirt is clean and modest, reaching down to just below my knees. My shirt is freshly washed and ironed; not too tight but just falls gracefully around my hips. The barest hint of make up covers my face, subtle enough so not to look trashy but present all the same. My posture is straight and held proud, my hands rest easily at my sides and I’m comfortable in this atmosphere.

I bring your attention to my appearance for a reason. My role in this environment is in the engine room – and later – we will be examining the contrasting differences to when I am in my natural setting or out in the pastures. The pasture is what is best known as the sales floor.

Let us begin;

Our first stop is the cash desk, have a look to your left. The enclosure or – cash desk is in neutral tones, hues of blue and cream. This is designed to lull you into a false sense of security as you part with your money. Have a closer look, you’ll notice that the specimen inside is fully enclosed. That’s Hannah – We keep her enclosed for her safety as well as your own. Yours, you ask? Yes. She looks non-threatening, right? Try not to be fooled – She is what’s known as “A Gatherer”.

Allow me to elaborate.

A gatherers main role is to look non-threatening. See the large smile on her face? It invites conversation. Can you hear her call as the prey gets closer to her enclosure? Sounds sweet doesn’t it? Her breathe, as you will discover if you get close enough, has the aroma of bubble gum – a child hood treat. It’s designed that way. Her job is to gather information on the staff members and the customers. Once she has you trapped near her enclosure you will impart all of your deepest secrets. I advise that if you make the decision to stay with us that when you approach Hannah you do so with utmost caution. Take your customers there and flee as fast as you can. Simple yes or no answers are what keep you safest when you venture near.

Are you listening? Try not to dawdle, no – do not make eye contact with her, did you not hear my explanation? Come along, follow me, we don’t have much time.

Up ahead you will notice bright lights, square fluoro coloured bags and many, many electrical appliances. I am showing you the pasture. Pay attention to the mammals that roam the floor here, from this safe distance they seem harmless, we’ll move a little closer so you can examine one of them – not too close! We can’t have them noticing us.

Okay, look where I’m pointing; the one standing near the television? If you look closely enough you will see the slight sheen to his face, the aroma that comes off his body is slightly musky with a tinge of desperation, and his teeth, when smiling are pointed and sharp. That is what’s known as “The Predator“. We like to call that particular one Trevor.

We’ll move further back so I can explain in relative safety. Over there, near the wall, the slightly off-white colour of it will camouflage us nicely. I’m quite glad you decided to dress as you did.

All right – ‘The Predator’. Did you see the slightly manic look in Trevor’s eyes? That, my dear, is called competitive edge. It turns them feral; they hunt their prey like lions, and can be cunning and devious. I would even go so far as to say they have a sociopathic side.

Notice the way Trevor was prowling the floor? Do you see the hard set of his eyes? He is currently hunting. A top hunter if I may say so.

I would also like to point out the prey from our vantage point, more commonly known as customers.

The Prey have been lured in here with the promise of competitive prices, remember how I pointed out the fluoro coloured signs earlier? Yes? That is part of the trap. However, once in here – the predators know that they have them in their clutches. Once a prey has been caught by one of our predators they find it very difficult to escape.

Some Prey are aware of this and use the telephone system, even then they are playing a dangerous game. The Predators voices are like honey, some Prey find that even with miles separating them from The Predator they cannot resist the pull.

Before we move onto the next exhibit I’ll just part with some wise advice – Although the common understanding is that we can all recognise a Predator – that is not always the way, some of The Predators that we house in our pasture here are not recognised as predators. That makes them the most dangerous. Just be wary when crossing into their territory for whatever reason.

Come along, we are nearly at the end. I’m sure you need a cold drink or a place to sit.

To your right is the ‘Pack Leaders’ den, we’ll wait here for a moment, just near the white shelving with the toasters on it, no not there! – Just directly opposite the den opening! There. We may even observe him exiting his den.

I’ll give you a few facts about the Pack Leader while we wait.

He is the Pack Leader for a reason. He has proved himself time and again as a Predator and was therefore promoted to Pack Leader. His name is Jason – learn it, remember it, use it.

Normally fairly placid he will jest and joke with you like any normal person. However, he can turn at anything. The Pack Leader is not one to mess with. He is as cunning as any Predator but with the power to evict you from the pack if he sees fit.

Oooh! He has emerged, please take careful notice of how he holds himself. His back is arched slightly to emphasise his strong chest. Can you smell his aroma? I bet you’re wondering just what that is. I’ll tell you; from here, it may smell of an expensive aftershave. No; it’s the aroma of money, with a slight under tone of wrath. He emanates power.

We might just move on, did you see the way he was strutting towards the pasture? Head held high, slight flaring of the nostrils. Please take note of that expression and the hurried gait for future reference; I suspect someone is going to be in trouble.

Quickly, this way, we’ll enter the safety of the engine room; here we go, take a seat. Are you comfortable? Good.

Now, if you recall I pointed out the way I was dressed and the way I held myself earlier in the tour. I want you to turn your attention to my associate. Her name is Leah. Do you see the slight hunch to her slim figure? If you can get close enough, you’ll see she looks harassed, her hair is escaping from its ponytail and she has a slightly pasty pallor to her skin.

This is the posture that you need to watch out for when you enter the engine room. When either of us have that look about us we are not to be bothered, or all hell will break loose. The Predators may have the run of the pasture but this; this cramped space, crammed full of coloured folders, loose sheaths of paper, the slightly stale coffee smell, and the steady hum of our machinery is ours. It doesn’t matter what role you play within this environment, as soon as you enter this space you are in our domain.

Have I made myself clear? Good. I’ll explain what it is we do in here.

We, as a team, look after all the gathered information from Hannah at the cash desk, we also process all the Predators ‘kills’ that they make and we are generally the people who can get stuff done. We are the shoulders that you can cry on, the makers and collectors of the beverages, and the suppliers of the tools. We can make you, or we can break you. We are possibly the most dangerous in this environment because of our knowledge. Stay on our good side and you will succeed, but if you cross us we can, and we will most likely smite you. Be wary, very wary.

Okay then, that concludes our tour for today.

Before you get too comfortable have one question for you:

Do you wish to enter this establishment or flee?