Ten Twitter Tales (follow for more @nevervane)

1.Keith had an answer for everything. He kept them in a ringbinder next to the tax returns.

2. I have always lived on the island. Sometimes I wave to the families on the shore as they cast their food crumbs at the yellow beaks.

3. Overhead, the sound of tiny feet. Tim would need to call the exterminator out again. Those dwarves must've got back in the attic.

4. Margo baked a new husband. He had currants for eyes and a fondant fancy between his legs. 'He's just sweet enough for me,' she said.

5. I keep pigeons. We have an agreement - no cages or bars, but they'll always be there to meet me in the park while I wait to see the doctor.

6. The stakes were high but John had faith. He bid his teeth and a rumpled pack of winegums. A bum roll landed him on Park Lane. All was lost.

7. Lipstick marks on the rim of the cheddar. Chutney trails on the hallway carpet. Eric had been seeing that chef again. Pam was livid.

8. Tina's new lungs itched.

9. Father's face was there among the beans again, bathed in the cool neon of the Co-op. This was why the others never let me do the shopping.

10. Tina never usually touched Brie, but the spread at her husband's wake was exquisite.