Dates for Women

Dates for Women

Tha's on the own each evenin',
soap opera's number one fan,
Tha never thowt tha'd say it,
but tha's desperate forra man.
Listening to Country music
and sufferin' wi PMT is grim
but tha's missin' t'cheatin' little toe rag
neaw tha's divorcin' 'im.

Tha's sunk into t'depths o' maudlin'.
Tha yearns forra social life -
mebbe as a sugar daddy's plaything
('cos yer not cut out to bi o' wife.)
- Yer tell yersell yer more mature
- this time yer lookin' for fun,
- someone who'll pamper n' spoil thi
- wi 'olidays in't sun...

Tha's no time fer romance
(tha'll make a civilised plan)
no smooth talkin' - no commitment,
yer simply want a man -
t'walk eawt wi thi, entertain thi,
un rub thi achin' back
(bur o course e'll expect yer
t'laugh ut aw't jokes 'e cracks.)

Tha's tried Line dancin' ut Chapel,
Oglin' Morris men in't pub -
Yer couldn't even find a man ut Wiggin Folk Club&;#8230;
Yo took uh job ut laundryette, looking fer Mr Right- -
Tha even went t' Leigh Miners
as a barmaid on knicker night.

Well, its just a thowt,
but tha's bein' a bit irrational -
-tha assn't thowt it throo- -
Tha geet rid o one mon,
tha surely don't want number two?
Yo' choose t' overlook the facts,
a mon con bi o festerin' sore -
Dus really want o lifetime o' misery,
When PMT's on'y one wik in four?