3 Beddings and a Funeral

 

Elsie, a woman in her late fifties, dashes in to her living
room throwing her coat onto the sofa as she hurries to answer the
phone.  She
lifts the receiver, and flops down in the
chair.

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class="MsoBodyText2">Oh hi, it's
you, what a lovely surprise.  I've just this minute walked in?..been
saying goodbye to Eric.   Didn't I tell you about Eric? style="mso-spacerun: yes">   Well, what is
there to say?  
A nice enough chap that I met at Nexus. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  Nexus? style="mso-spacerun: yes">    Oh dear,
is it so long since we had a chat?  Well it's almost eighteen months now since
Jack died, and I feel I've moped about long enough, I need to move
on.   I
still miss him mind you; still have his dressing gown hanging behind
the bedroom door. 
I like to hold it close sometimes; I can still smell him,
it's reassuring like.  
I was chatting to Penny next door and she was saying as
how her sister joined this singles group, people my ageish mainly,
divorced, widowed, you know the thing.  Nexus it's called. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  She says everyone is
so friendly, and you don't feel out of it being on your own because
they're all in the same boat.   I decided to give it a go. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  There's this big hole
in my life just waiting to be filled.   Ha ha, no, you've got a filthy
mind.   I
didn't mean that, though I wouldn't say I don't miss a bit of a cuddle
now and again. 
He was such a good lover my Jack, always so tender and
considerate.  I
still miss him.

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class="MsoNormal" style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN:
justify">Where was I? style="mso-spacerun: yes">  Oh yes. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   Well I went to a
meeting in the Feathers.   Penny's sister took me, and as she'd
said, they were all very nice.  They knew it was my first time; the men
were all over me, all vying for my attention, flattering me. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   It boosted my
confidence that did.  
Anyway, the next meeting was a bit of a dance evening over
at Frogmore, so I dolled myself up, and there was Eric. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  I could tell he was
new; he looked so forlorn sitting on his own at the bar. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  We hit it off
straightaway; he'd been on his own for about twelve years, wife walked
out on him.  
We had a dance, and when he put his arms around me, I
couldn't believe it. 
I wanted him to kiss me.   It was strange. style="mso-spacerun: yes">    I never
imagined fancying another man after Jack, but I did. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  I wanted him. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   Yes, like
that.  I
did.

style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"> style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt">We went out regularly after that; he'd drive
over here?. 
Oh, he lives over Bransham way, takes him about an hour,
but he is a slow driver, not like Jack.   Jack would have hated to get stuck
behind Eric on the road. 
He'd have been up his exhaust pipe, pipping his horn; he
was so impatient on the road, my Jack.   Yes, Eric would bring his dog
over.   
Jess, a black lab, got on well with Kipper, and we'd go
for a walk down the canal, or by the river, perhaps a bar meal, and
just talk.  He
was good company, but he always went home the same day, and never once
made a move, other than to give me a kiss now and again. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   I wanted
more.  I wanted
him.  I wanted
him in bed.  
Oooh, I sound awful saying that, but I did. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  

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class="MsoNormal" style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN:
justify">Last weekend it was the
Agricultural Show at Harby, so I plucked up courage, and said, Eric,
why don't you come for the weekend?   We can go to the folk club at the
Crown on Friday night, the show on Saturday, and perhaps go out for a
meal afterwards.  
He said that he didn't like eating late, gave him
indigestion, so I suggested we go for the early doors, and then he said
he always went to church on Sundays, so I told him I did too. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   He couldn't say
no then, could he?  
He decided he would come, reluctantly I might add. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   It got me
wondering what was wrong with me?. or him, come to
that.

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class="MsoNormal" style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN:
justify">So Thursday I went into
town and bought myself some new underwear from Marks and Spencer's, got
a couple of nighties as well, and I had my hair permed. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  I was excited, like a
schoolgirl going on her first date.   I was so nervous; I must have gone to
the loo half a dozen times in the last hour before he arrived on Friday
morning.  I
showed him where to put his sponge bag, and then he asked where to hang
his clothes.  
He smiled when I showed him the little wardrobe in my
room; I'd emptied it beforehand, and he never batted an eyelid as he
put his pyjamas under the pillow, just put his arms round me and kissed
me.  Things
were looking good, I was half hoping he'd take me there and then, but
he didn't.   
I'd made a casserole for tea, so we just had a sandwich
for lunch, and went for a walk through the woods at Sturton. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   We held hands
and chatted so easily, it was lovely.  I was so looking forward to the weekend
ahead.  

class="MsoNormal" style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN:
justify">It was a good night at
the folk club as well, Janie Jones was singing. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   Jack always
liked her.  I
can tell you it brought back some memories when she sang Anne Murray's
song, 'You Needed Me.'   I drove, so Eric could have a few
drinks.  
When I say a few, it may have been more than a few because
when we got home he fell asleep on the settee. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  I waited and waited,
didn't want to disturb him, and when he started snoring that was
it.   
His snore was so loud, not like Jack's gentle snore, no
this was like they show on the cartoons, where the drawers are going in
and out with each snore.   I went to bed. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   I never heard
him come upstairs, but he was there in the morning, next to me, and
still bloody snoring. 
I couldn't stand it, so I got up, made myself a coffee and
did the crosswords. 
He appeared about nine, full of apologies. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  

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class="MsoNormal" style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN:
justify">He enjoyed the show,
well we both did.  
Having worked in the industry before he retired, he knew a
lot of the farmers, and introduced me as the lady in his life. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   It felt
good.   We
had a good meal too. 
The Stork do a carvery, and if you get there early it's
cheap as well. 
We were back home before eight, so we sat and watched
telly all night; he had his arm round me, and kissed me
occasionally.   
I made a drink about half ten, and then said I was going
to bed.  I took
his hand and led him upstairs.   My legs were like jelly; I was so
looking forward to a night of passion.   Well, it'd been so long. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   We got in bed,
and I lay there on my back waiting, and then out of the blue, when he
should really have been worshipping my body, he asked what I thought of
the sub plot in Casualty.   I said, what? style="mso-spacerun: yes">   He talked for
ages about who had done what and why and with whom, and when he said,
how do you think Tony Blair should deal with GM crops, I nearly
cried.  I
rolled over and went to sleep.  He was snoring again come morning, so I got
up and took the dogs for a
walk.

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class="MsoNormal" style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN:
justify">In church he had a
really good voice, but my mind was on other things, and I couldn't tear
my eyes away from the candles on the altar. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  I prayed, oh how I
prayed, staring at these candles, and praying for all I was
worth.  
We had lunch out, and I was feeling a bit weary when we
got home.  He
said he'd forgotten to take his medication, so I watched as he lined up
all these pills. 
Blood pressure, angina, something for this, something for
that, and I'm sure there was a little blue one in there. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   I wish. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   I made a coffee
and we sat on the settee, and my eyes were closing. style="mso-spacerun: yes">   I think his were
as well, so I suggested we go to bed.  I stripped off to my undies, my new M
&;amp; S undies, and lay there while he got down to his y-fronts
before sliding in beside me.  I held my breath. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  He lay on his side
facing me and when I turned my head to him he kissed me, I felt his arm
creep across and cup my breast.  I quivered, involuntarily. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  He squeezed gently,
and then began to moan. 
Oh, oh, oh; then he started to shudder. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  Bloody hell I thought,
all this wait and it's over before he's begun. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  He moaned again, oh,
oh, oh.  
It was some time before I realised it wasn't what I
thought. 
Something was wrong; he was sweating like mad, and so
cold.  I
panicked and rang for the paramedics.  They were very good, but it was too late,
he'd gone.  

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class="MsoNormal" style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN:
justify">My first thought was,
the selfish sod.    How awful is that? style="mso-spacerun: yes"> 

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class="MsoNormal" style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN:
justify">So that's where I've
just been, to the funeral.   

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class="MsoNormal" style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN:
justify">What have you been up
to?

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align="right">An?2003

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words

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