C...Don't Assume

I am allowed to be angry.
I am allowed to be hurt.
I am allowed to cry.

But I won't.

I will never admit that that is how you have made me feel. With those
strong, cold hands of yours that seem to know their way around me so
well. With those big, intense eyes of yours that always disappoint me
every time I dare look into them.

I wish you could crack the lock that has been suffocating me since
forever. You can't.

I wish I could ignore the handful of butterflies you obliviously set
loose in my stomach every time I set my eyes on you. I can't.

And yet every time I close my eyes I'm there again. Suffocated by the
smoke, blinded by the darkness, lost in the crowd. You're there too.
Holding me, breathing onto my neck, playing with my curls.

I do thank you though. You aroused all these feelings and emotions I
never knew existed in me. I will admit it terrified me. I had been so
numb for so long. You have put me one step closer and one of these days
I will trust someone. I will not pull away when he trails his fingers
over my naked stomach, he will whisper softly into my ears when he
holds me, he will wait when I ask him to and when I look into his eyes
I will see me, the way I am not the way you want me to be.

I just wish that he could have been you.