Cheating

The phone rang for the tenth time, a high, deafening ring. I picked
up reluctantly although I had promised myself I wouldn't. I knew who it
was, and I knew what he wanted to say. The voice on the other end of
the line was deep and husky, I braced myself for what I knew was
coming. "You cheating back-stabber, how could you do this to me", his
words were like arrows and his voice was full of hate and rage. I
remained silent mostly because I had nothing to say, his accusations
were right and I was all that he said, but also because a part of me
knew that if I did start talking I would never stop. I was good at
talking, throwing blame on everybody but myself. I blame the whole
world for the way I turned out, cold, shallow, incapable of love. But
when I hear Dan call me that I shudder. He was always very nice to me,
maybe that was the problem. He goes on shouting, " I thought we were in
love". What can I say, I thought we were too. " Josh told me
everything. What do you have to say for yourself !!?". Even though I
couldn't see him I knew his right eyebrow was twitching, it does that
whenever he gets mad. I didn't know if it would be a good idea for me
to speak, since I didn't have much to say. So I just stood there with
the receiver stuck to my ear which was, by that time, bruised from all
the harsh remarks it hearing. I had heard it all before but it still
made my heart bleed. I stood in my living room, numb and weary, long
after Dan had hung up on me. I just stood there thinking about Josh,
about Dan, about me. I had reached a dead end, actually I had reached
years ago but never really paid attention. That night I went out with
my two best friends who are the only people in the world I don't have
to pretend with. I'm lucky to have friends to accept and love who I am.
Anyway as I drank and watched them eat since I no longer do for fear of
obesity, I saw Josh with his long time girlfriend. I guess they patched
things up I thought bitterly to myself. It just didn't seem fair to me
that we did the same thing but he got to keep his best friend and
girlfriend while I came out empty handed. Josh pretended not to see me
and the girl on his arm looked at me with such disgust and disrespect
it made me choke on my own breath. It didn't really matter though, I
was on the dance floor with the two people who mean most to me in the
world looking hot and feeling like always felt numb and hallow.