Cornish PaAARRRGGGHHstie

Long before Jack and his bean
When mankind's brains were ripe and green
There lived a witch so full of spite
Knights did try but never quite
Rid the land of her black curse
All their efforts just made things worse
Weary though the witch did grow
Said to herself - come on, let's go
In black of night she just upped sticks
Over weathered steeple, past crucifix

To fair Cornwall went the hag
With magic pastry in her bag
Bought a shop with all her monies
With a wicked plan to fill their tummies
Swapped cobwebbed dress and pointy hat
For sparkling pinny and turned a rat
Into a man with golden tongue
Who whispered sweet nothings to the young
Veggies cut, gravy in her pot
One last ingredient, she'd not forgot

She sent the rodent into the street
To drum up business, to find some meat
Skilled was he, the kids did rush
Through the doorway and then a hush
"One by one" the witch did say
In an R.P. accent, en vogue that day
Behind the cauldron, hidden from view
The children crept and formed a queue
A red door there was to mask the blood
As behind its glare huge knives there stood

The door did open, the blades did whir
Though nothing louder than a purr
To their knees the kids they dropped
That juicy meat all finely chopped
Now furnace glowing the smell did waft
Down to the parks, up to the lofts
The townsfolk ran to see the fuss
And gobbled up their children thus
Now don't be sad, that's not the end
This type of story must turn the bend

In to the village there rode a Prince
Rather dashing but prone to mince
The eating of meat he could not abide
And on smelling the pasties he almost cried
No royal patron, no custom base
The witch's shop just fell from grace
Older now, powers on the wane
She couldn't face a fresh start again
No pension given to her slave
No money left to dig her grave