Aint no big deal.

"She was born 1979, in a wishing well. Not one of those deep ones,
more like a shallow pool and a fountain with a few pence resting near
the centre. Her name is Carpella Blaze. She never had much in the
material sphere, spiritually and fatefully she was blessed with bad
luck. You know you have a day every so often that goes stupidly wrong;
every day was like that for her. She accepted it, she said, 'Of course
this going to happen, I was born in a wishing well, how much more bad
luck do you want?' Never really understood that, maybe something to do
with wishes never coming true." I looked into my new best friends eyes,
a shiver washed down my spine, then I continued.
"Love, family and friendship all took the force of her blessing it was
all out of her control. Not that life can be controlled but it was
exaggerated for her. The only thing she believed she had any control
over was her appearance. Of course, it wasn't. She wanted her hair
straight, shoulder length and bright red; it turned out wavy and a
grey-red, now it's black the only colour not to fail her. Even her eyes
couldn't decide what to be, brown or green, it depended on her mood but
was pretty strange. Her clothes and overall appearance were supposed to
be in the 'rock chic' genre. No matter how hard she tried she always
ended up either punk or Goth. I've no idea how she did it but she never
quite looked 'rock chic.'"
"She worked surprisingly hard at her job, Safeway's, but her career
was in music. She was the lead singer in a band they had a lot of names
but they finally settled on Rip Our Soul Out, it was Carpella's choice.
I often watched them rehearse; they were a mix of Rasputina, a
deliciously bizarre cello band and My Ruin, a very angry, screamy,
guitar killing band. Her voice was truly amazing."
"Sometimes she screamed so low it was like Satan had risen and was
laying waste to the earth by screaming. Sometimes it was so high that
the whole neighbourhood of dogs went crazy, they'd bark for hours, it
was like they were planning something. All the neighbours would shout
at their dogs and in the mayhem she created she'd dance in the street.
She seemed to have an affinity with chaos, and whenever her life
shattered into a trillion pieces she would dance over the shards like a
pixie on acid. It was both scary and wonderful to behold."
"We had an amazing friendship, we knew each other since 1st grade, but
each day was like meeting a new person. You know that feeling where
you've broken the ice and you can explore the water beneath the freeze.
I know it's clich? but she was an ocean. She said that I was her
'personal robotic explorer, you know the one they use to see the old
Titanic.' She always over simplified. I reckon she did it on purpose
just to make me feel real clever."
"One day Carpella and I went to see the guy she liked, Jo. She never
had any worries about asking anyone out, but she wanted me to wait for
her outside for five minutes, just in case. After two minutes she came
out quietly swearing."
"What's up?" I said
"He's emigrated." She sighed
"Where?"
"Luxemburg." We both laughed. "Well what do you expect for a girl that
was born in a wishing well. You know, Michael, every one asks me what
my wish was, I'm only going to tell you, it's a normal life."
"That was the day it all started to change. Fate must have found
sometime in that busy schedule to listen to her."
I leaned across the pub table to emphasise my point; he was a good
listener. "You have to understand," I continued, "she's 21 and has
never had a boyfriend. I would have been happy to oblige, but I'm not
her type. She's always dealt with her loneliness, seldom would it get
her down, but you could see it did. Rip Our Soul Out gave her time to
think, express and release all the built up energy. Just as well
otherwise she'd explode like a nuclear bomb and start World War Three.
Knowing her she'd tell the authorities she's communist just before
detonating. Then she could dance in the after life."
"For an entire month she had no bad luck, nothing extraordinary
happened to her. She was leading a normal life like the rest of us. It
totally freaked her out. She would dance around like the light sabre
fight with Darth Vader, the one where Luke's really pissed. When she
sat down she was even scarier. She was one of those fish that hide
themselves in the sand and wait for hours until their pray aimlessly
wondered by. She literally sat motionless and speechless for hours.
Then she'd pounce into life for a minute then stop. Sometimes it looked
as though she was talking to herself."
"Apparently talking to yourself is the first sign of madness. Well you
should know." My new friend let a wry smile rip across his mouth then
took another sip of his lemonade. "Carpella and I both agreed the first
sign of madness is the ability of independent thought. She said 'as
soon as you can think for yourself the world opens up to you. You
become overwhelmed with dreams, hopes. Life's possibilities are endless
and you could never explore everything, it's the pursuit of these
things that will drive you to madness. You ever notice how it takes
years to build anything and seconds to knock it down. It's completely
fucked up. Even if Plato was right that the meaning of life was the
pursuit of happiness, it would be impossible to achieve pure sustained
happiness, it all ends. What he is really saying the meaning of life is
the pursuit of madness, call your personal madness happiness, your
career, label it however you want. Insanity is what all comes down
to'"
"You wouldn't be able to tell, but she's not really a pessimist.
Anyway the month passed and she said she'd written a kickass song for
the band and had a melody for it. You wanna hear it?"

"Yeah sure why not." He said softly.
"Hang on, right I've got it."
"Today the stars descended form the sunny sky just for a talk,
They got too much to say.
I told 'em get out my head and take a long fucking walk,
For their advice I'll never pay.
Don't pay, don't pay
So the filth came to mine, they said, kid, drugs aren't right,
They've always too much to say.
I told 'em fuck you I'm gonna shine too bright,
I'll never listen to their advice; I'll never pay.
Don't pay, don't pay."

"I'm always able to remember her lyrics, you should hear the God song,
I don't think she is or was a believer. After the month of normality
she went to pitch the song to her band, but she had to eat a slice of
bad luck. They had all O.Ded on some bad shit the previous night. With
that I thought she might be a little happier, the spell of a normal
life was now broken. Instead she sat down and cried, then said."
"I don't want lots of stuff, I'd like some though, I don't know what
I'm aspiring to any more. Michael why did I have to be born in a
wishing well."
"I told her that her wish had come true, this was just life in all its
twist and turns. That day pushed over the edge. She realised that she
had nothing to aspire too, and she thought now she was too normal. She
had to change her aspirations if she was to continue being different,
the only way she could do that was to destroy the old one. From now on
she was going to make her life crazy, madness was the only way for her
to stay sane."
I leant across the table and stared into his blue eyes, he was
unforgiving under that smart uniform.
"What is wrong with someone trying to stay sane in their own way. God
knows it's hard enough most days just to get by; life is real hard to
survive sometimes. She was many peoples inspiration and she did it in
the most beautiful way. That's who she is; she shouldn't be where she
is just because you think she's not right. She's perfect, she was
perfect."
"Why do you keep referring to her like she was dead, she is in
exceptionally good care," he said tilting his head
sympathetically.
"With all the happy drugs you got her on she's not my Carpella any
more, she's yours. You wanted to understand her more, I've done all I
can to convince you she's not in need of care, she needs her freedom.
I've got to talk to the police in half hour, so if you want anything
else give us a call. Just remember when you look at her, she was born
in a wishing well."