Rugby Tackle

ENGLAND 19 ARGENTINA 0

Dear Mum

Poor Piers was acutely embarrassed
when he saw you outside the ground
(he went with the school to watch rugby)
selling hot dogs @ two for £10!

You had Grandpa frying the onions
then you slapped the dogs in the bun
shouting "Roll up, roll up for e-coli!"
but when the cops came, you had to run

With Stephanie in charge of the mustard
you were doing a very good trade
but I'll have to tell Inland Revenue
if you don't share the profits you made

A picture in pinny and wellies,
Aunt Peggy was selling rosettes
and David (a dab hand at busking)
did a strange thing with castanets

It was OK 'til Dad gave up cooking
and decided to sing to the crowd -
they dispersed with unseemly jostling!
That voice should NOT be allowed!

And I hear that you joined in the floorshow
by stripping right down to your knickers
to show everyone the hole in your vest -
I can never again go to Twickers!

Where were you lot, during the Falklands?
The Argies were put right off their game -
they had ketchup all over their faces:
with no points, they were sorry they came!